I am, not me but you

I am, not me but you

C. H. Cooley (1902) postulated that the conceptualization of “I” is a social process; the attributes of “I” is derived from the social entities in the continuous process of socialization or symbolic interactions, using perceived feedback from the social environment as a reference point in the development of the concept of self and its attributes.  The existence of the self is dualistic, dependent on the perceive existence of others. We evaluate ourselves based on how we perceived others perceives us.

Who are we actually? Are we really unique individuals or are we just projections of the sociocultural environment that we live in, similar to everyone else in the environment? Most, if not all of us are always in this struggle to be unique or special individuals, eschewing commonality and yet, at the same time, desires  to be similar to those we live with in this sociocultural environment. Ultimately, we still derive our self-concept from the social conditions in which we are exposed to. We strives to be unique, perhaps as a form of resistance to the commonalities found in the social conceptualization of self. Sociocultural conditions are, in this context, used as reference points for us to evaluate our sense or concept of uniqueness. Perhaps we, are more similar then we would like to think; eventually, our concept of self is well, normative. The desire for differentiation of self-concept is not unique; and when more of us deviate from the normative aspects of our sociocultural environment, similar salient deviations over time, replaces the norms that we tried to differentiate ourselves from. We, are now, the norms.

In the development of self-concept, we may underestimate the influences of others on us. We are all, interdependent.  In the words of John Donne (1624), “No man is an island, entire of itself...any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind.” The reason which brought me to think about this conceptual construction came from a perception that others had of me, and which I had been struggling to come to terms with for the past few years. Individuals, even those whom I have just met, had this impression that I am this knowledgeable, understanding and friendly individual; initially, it was a ego-booster but over time, it became a source of pressure. I was constantly asking whether I am living up to the “standards” that others had of me; the “standards” or “perfect qualities” that is embodied by this perception of others of me. There was this initial period of time, I was afraid to make any mistakes and for every small mistake whom I perceived to “tarnish” this perception, it was a series of serious self-beating.  Dissonances with my immediate perception of self and the “ideal” concept of self seems intolerable. Over time, it slowly dawned to me that I wasn’t what I want to be but what others want me to be. Who, exactly am I or becoming?

We can’t run away from socialization which contributes to this construction of self-concept; but what can we do to allow ourselves to be at ease with the flow of the interaction process? How can we take advantage of this flow to enhance ourselves, our spirituality and at the same time, be at ease, at equilibrium with oneself. Analysing the pros and cons of the social construction of the self may aid in the reduction of dissonaces (if any); there are perhaps a few points to take note: (a) acceptance of self in the immediacy time frame; we recognize and accept the fact that we are not what others perceived us to be or want us to be in the current moment, (b) perceived social pressure can always be taken as a source of motivation in the short-term; the long term motivation should be the continuous desire to improve oneself over time and (c) the courage to make allowance, accept responsibility and learn from mistakes (if any); by allowing ourselves the room to make mistakes and improvements, we allow ourselves to know our blindspots and eventually by overcoming all these blindspots or weaknesses, we gradually, without forcing ourselves to maintain “by force”, we have truly reach the “pinnacle” of the perception that others have of us. One important point to take note is the perception must be valuable i.e. in terms of its value to the self for enhancement of personality, values and others, for benefit of others. Suffering, is reduced through the reduction of constant fear in trying to maintain an image or perception in which one is not and the constant possibility of dissonances between expectations and “reality”

I am not knowledgeable, but I would want to, for my own benefit as intellectual knowledge aid in affirmation of experiences and introspection in the spiritual practice.

I am not friendly, but I would want to, for it brings happiness to me and others and aid in my spiritual practice and goal to bring happiness to all.

I am not understanding, but I would want to, for my own benefit as empathy for others aid in my spiritual practice as it allows me to transcend the concept of self i.e. ego and for others, it brings happiness to others.

May all be well and happy always.

With Metta,

Simple Bear 22.11.2012.

References

Cooley, C. H. (1902). Human nature and the social order. New York: Scribner's.

Donne, J. (1624). Devotions upon emergent occasions and seuerall steps in my sicknes - Meditation XVII. London.

A Teacher, A Student

 

‘Even when walking in the company of two other men, I am bound to be able to learn from them.’
Confucius

When an individual expresses goodness and positivity in his/her speech and action, we learn from him/her; when an individual expresses

badness and negativity in his/her speech and action, we remind ourselves not to learn from him/her.

When an individual is in an unpleasant state, we learn to be (a) grateful for the comparatively better conditions that we have and (b) compassionate towards the individual who is suffering.

When an individual is in a joyous, happy state, we learn to be (a) happy for them (in the state of happiness) and (b) hope for happiness for all sentient beings.

When an individual is kind and positive towards us, we should be (a) grateful for the kindness and positivity and (b) reciprocate the kindness and positivity to the individual and spread the goodness to others.

When an individual is unkind and negative towards us, we should be (a) taking the opportunity to practice mindfulness, humility, compassion and loving-kindness towards the individual and (b) taking the opportunity to introspect our affect, cognitions and behavior (a priori and a posteriori).

There are divine messengers among us to remind ourselves constantly of the unsatisfactoriness and impermanence of life as mentioned in the Devaduta Sutta (http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/mn/mn.130.than.html), and we should strive to live our lives as best as we can in the present moment.

This sutta helped me a lot especially in my introspections when I was dealing with my frustrations these few weeks, especially in the development and practice of my perspectives in life. I am also grateful for the good conditions to meet and learn from great monastic teachers and friends.

'When we see the world as our classroom and everyone as our classmates and teachers, we learn and progress on the road to perfection, realizing our existential potential as human beings.'
Simple Bear

May all be well and happy always.

With Love and Compassion,
Simple Bear 20.09.2012. #bearinthemirror

The Hunger Games: Who are the Hungry Ones?

The Hunger Games: Who are the Hungry Ones?

The movie was well, quite good considering the number of times that it got me on my edge with my emotions, clutching my paws tightly in anticipation of the next scene. Young individuals are being hurled into a game of mutual killing in memory of civil war and, for the individuals, in the name of survival. In my own opinion, the only reason is the gratification of the desires for assumed superiority through the expression of depersonalization, human cruelty. Why was it called the Hunger Games? That was the first question that arises in me after the movie, the origination of the naming of the games. I have not read the book on which the movie is based. However, to me, the games are a metaphorical outlet for the psychosocial hunger that the people in the Capitol feel, beyond the biological demand for food to sustain the physical body of ours. After all, it is only entertainment, an exciting sport to them. All of them suffer from hunger, the differences lies in the kind of hunger that they feel.

The tributes, as the individuals participating in the games are called, suffers from biological hunger, and in order for their people to survive, they need to be in the game as game. The people in the Capitol are hungry too, for blood, for violence, for feeling of superiority. Gratification of their desires of superiority to others can be illustrated by the simple act of degrading, in my own opinion, of the individuals as Tributes; the label is effectively a depersonalized form of extension of the desire to feel superior as fellow humans. Another evidential concept in the movie is the idea of competing for sponsorships which forces the individuals to try within their means to appeal to the people in the Capitol, an act of submission and inferiority. As for the blood and violence, if Sigmund Freud has his say, he will interpret it psychoanalytically as the collective gratification of the primitive drive of Thanatos that resides in our unconscious Id; the games as an expression of collective catharsis, which allows for the people in the Capitol to ‘emotionally release’ the aggression that they have in their mind through watching the aggression in play.

Then the next question arises in me, are we too, like the people in the Capitol? We may show empathy in watching the show towards the individuals forced to participate in the mutual killing game but in retrospect, did we exhibit similar behavior as the people in the Capitol? Did we consciously or subconsciously put degrading labels on others who are perceptively different from us? Did we enjoy watching movies, programs or events which connotes aggression, violence? There is no need to tell me your answer. I am not putting any morality label on the actions, the important question here lies in whether we are aware of the actions when we did it, are we aware of the intentions, the motivations that drives the actions? How does being aware of the intentions behind the actions help us as a member of the Homo sapiens.

Now think about it, who are the Hungry Ones?

Happiness in the Now

Happiness in the Now

‘Don’t put off your happiness to the next moment because the next moment is never certain.’

Simple Bear 06.04.2012.

I guess when I put forward the statement, the ultimate goal of all is happiness, most, if not all of us will be in concurrence. The only difference for us all lies in the causality of happiness; what puts a smile on our faces? Is it the excitement that we felt when we kiss our partner for the first time? Is it the elation that we felt when we have the ability to fulfill our materialistic wants? Is it the warm, fuzzy feeling that we felt when we helped to bring a smile to those less fortunate. Happiness, is well, covers almost everything listed above and more.

Happiness, is cognitively and affectively semantic; we interpret the same ‘feel’ of the state of happiness differently, dependent on the current cognitive and affective states, situational conditions and experiences. If that is the case, what is happiness? Happiness, to me, is peace; the blissful affect which is accompanied by a state of cognitive stability. It is about being in a state of subjective equilibrium; being at ease with oneself, with the ‘universe’, with the absence of negative affect and thoughts. The notion of universe in this case, refers to the perceptive world that we live in; everyone from your family, your friends, your colleagues, the people on the streets, to the animals that you see. To me, at this point of time, being able to sit in solitude in a nice quiet cafe, sipping my black coffee and writing this blog entry on a nice cold morning, feeling the after-rain breeze on my face, is well happiness.

The focus of this blog entry is however, not what is happiness but how to perhaps in a way optimize happiness in our lives. It is not about the various methodologies to bring about happiness, we can find them in tons and tons of religious and self-help books. It is about not delaying the moments of happiness in our lives, putting them off to future moments when the future is uncertain. There are perhaps a lot of us, who holds on to the mentality that we need to study and work very hard in our teens and youths, in the hope of a better future ahead in our retirement; we may think that being in agony now is perfectly fine if we can enjoy the fruits of our labor in the future. I am not picking on this age-old mentality towards happiness, I am saying that in the midst of struggling with life now to bring about hope for the future, isn’t it better to enjoy little bits of happiness if the conditions allow it. I am not a hedonist and I am not encouraging the indulgence of pleasures, the gratification of desires at the expense of the future. My point is to find happiness in what we are doing right now for a better future; enjoy the little bits of happiness along the journey to well, the ‘ultimate happiness’ that all of us are working hard towards. It is about making the decision to accept happiness when favorable conditions present itself and not sacrificing the current conditions now for the happiness that is in the future which may or may not come to realize.

Z, my friend who is afraid of confessing his feelings to a girl he likes because he wishes to concentrate on his studies and career came to me for advice one day and I told him this, if there is a possibility that you may die the next moment, will you confess to her and accept the possibilities or will you concentrate on your studies. Both may bring about happiness but if the future is uncertain, we always choose the option that gives us perhaps a shot at happiness which is within reach. We always have the belief in the continuity of our present lives, the future is almost certain to come without perhaps considering the notion of impermanence. There will be changes which bring about impermanence and we are part of it, not in control of it; if we think that we can control the changes and the future is certain for us but the fact is the future is never certain. If tomorrow never comes, embrace happiness today. If we understand and embrace the notion of impermanence in our lives, we should treasure our lives, embrace happiness when the conditions arise, stop wasting time on unhappiness. When it is time to leave, we will leave with no regrets, knowing that we have optimized the moments of happiness in our lives.

The Buddha taught us that the length of life is only the span of a breath. Every breath counts, every breath is an opportunity for happiness.

May we all be reminded every moment to be grateful for what we have, bask in the happiness of self and others, compassion for others with less favorable conditions and be well and happy always.

In this way, perhaps, we can truly, gradually experience happiness.

With metta,

Simple Bear

The Dualism of Self and No-Self

The Dualism of Self and No-Self

‘What is there is transcend when there is nothing at all.’
Simple Bear

A few days ago, I was sharing with my friend, Brother Bear on how I think my ego always flare when I start sharing with others on my opinions and experiences and how I am trying to keep quiet, to minimize the opportunities for my ego to express itself. It was difficult trying to rein in the ego, trying to be aware of and discipline it by putting it in unfavorable conditions for expression. On retrospect, this was not a good methodology to adopt and I was finding myself trapped in a rut, unable to come to terms with reducing my ego, the sense of self in daily life, the reconciliation between the notions of self and no-self. I realized after contemplation that I have been, all these while, trying to understand no-self from a self perspective; by trying to transcend the state of self to the state of non-self, I have allowed myself to submit to the habitual tendency of acknowledging the existence of the self. When I perceive that there is a state of self to be transcended, I am acknowledging the perceived existence of the self a priori to the notion of no-self; the perception that there is a state of no-self beyond that of, the state of self. The reason behind my dukkha is perhaps engendered by the possibility perceptions that I was holding, the concept of no-self without letting go of the concept of self; thinking of them as two separate entities when they are all but one, dualistic.

Perhaps, by accepting, understanding and experiencing no-self as a priori reality to the rising of the perceived state of self due to amalgamation of various conditions, we can truly progress towards the pinnacle of spiritual cultivation. It is not easy to accept and understand as the mere notion of no-self shakes the foundation of our very existence; if we truly don’t exist as we, then who are we, what are we? What is the functionality of understanding no-self in relation to our basic, primitive, strong belief in the notion of self? The moment that we are objectively and subjectively aware of ourselves, respectively as a physical, visual and sensorial entity in relation to external and internal stimuli, the self is already perceived to exist, a schematic apparatus to understand and make sense of the stimuli that is in constant interactions with the consciousness. This notion of self lays the foundation of the world, the society that we live in; to put it in abstract terms, the notion of self is the world. When we looked into a mirror, we recognize ourselves visually as us; likewise, the society that we live in is a bigger mirror, we recognize ourselves in the society, consciously, as us.

If no-self exist in self and self exist in no-self in the mind, then what is the state that we are trying to transcend? When reality is really nothingness, then what the state of self and no-self are we talking about? There are no a priori or a posteriori realities, those do not exist, reality alone does. Perhaps by recognizing the dualism of self and no-self, we can truly, reach perhaps happiness as a self in no-self; diminution of the ego in our everyday lives, we can learn to be more compassionate and loving to the people around us, we can accept impermanence and change, reducing dukkha in our everyday lives. That perhaps in an existential point of view, is more important in making the mind a happy place to live in as I.

‘Let us grow up even if we cannot wake up.’
Wei Wu Wei

Simple Bear 05.04.2012.

P.S: Perhaps one day I can truly accept, understand and experience anatta (no-self), in the meanwhile I can only appreciate it intellectually and use it to achieve happiness as self.

Awareness and a Mundane Me –An Introspective Account of a Hibernating Bear

Awareness and a Mundane Me –An Introspective Account of a Hibernating Bear

Mindfulness, awareness of the mind which is beyond metacognition, the basic awareness about your thoughts and affect; mindfulness, in a personal experiential perspective, is awareness of your thoughts and affect, the origination, and the effects of the conscious or subconscious driven behavior, responses towards salient conditional stimuli in the immediate environmental milieu.

Question: “Do you know what are you doing?”

I am pretty sure many people including me will not hesitate to say yes; thinking that if we are aware of the thoughts that arise and verbal and physical behaviors in response to stimuli, we are well aware of ourselves; I concur with the awareness aspect but awareness in this example is not mindfulness.

Question: “Do you know why are you doing this / that?”

One may think that the reason for the actions as in the ‘why’ lies in the thoughts and the origination of the thoughts lies in the interactionism process between the individual and the environmental conditions; that ‘what’, in the individual that induce the arising of the thoughts in response to the environmental conditions. Bring the awareness of the thoughts deeper into the mind, and one may find what many people term as ‘self’, a sense of ‘being’. The ‘self’ that allows the individual to identify himself or herself in the mundane world that we exist in.

In the first two months of hibernation, an understanding of the mind began to surface in the midst of the chaotic conditions that prompt the hibernation. I began to understand a little of the limitations of the mind in understanding others, and the normative perspective that we have, thinking that we can understand others, but the elements of the ‘mind’ that we understand of others are the normative elements, the commonality created by a community of minds for the purpose of bonding and the creation of the society, the perspective state of the external mundane world that we think we live in. We are like two irregular shaped galaxies; no matter how much we try to come together, in the common space of a mental space, we can’t completely unite in the common space as the shape of us, the galaxies are different. If we can't unite mentally, how can we profess to others, to ourselves that we understand others; for example, a common cultural understanding of the definition of a word doesn’t correspond to the experiential schematic understanding of the word. In other words, we are totally unique and different as a whole.

Applying this understanding of the mind, I finally come to terms with my interpersonal experiences; expectations, even when communicated seems to fail just because there can never be ‘true’ understanding of one another. However, this is not to imply that we should force ourselves not to have any expectations; the purpose of expectations on oneself is to motivate one to excel but when conjuring expectations of others, one must take note of the limitations, he or she may not understand the expectations completely in terms of one’s understanding of the expectations, and also, the influence of other confounds such as the individual’s experiences and priorities in life in the current moment. Hence, one must be compassionate towards others when they can’t meet up to one’s expectations; this situation also offers the opportunity to, first, examine the reasons for the expectations, is it egoistic or altruistic, second, if it is altruistic, then how can one help others to achieve the expectations in the hope of improving themselves.

In interpersonal relationships, we often have expectations of others; however, just as we expect our loved ones to understand us, they too, expect us to understand them. Have we tried to understand them? If we didn’t, how can we then expect them to understand us. Of course, this is a very delicate, subjective situation; a good relationship requires both individuals to be equally mindful and compassionate towards one another. I am glad to come to terms with my previous intimate relationship with this understanding of the mind and hopefully apply to all other interpersonal relationships, current and future-to-come.

‘Mindfulness is not of the past or future; it is of the present.’

Simple Bear 18.03.2012.

Another learning point that I learned over the past two months is that mindfulness is essential in cultivation of compassion and loving kindness through the practice of gratitude towards oneself and others; I have mentioned earlier on in my blog entry ‘The Joy of Reestablishment’, the awareness of the origination and the negative thoughts and affect in response to conditional stimuli and the motivation to establish good karmic connectivity in the absence of it in relating to others in this world. The practice of gratitude has been well documented in positive psychology as a methodology to enhance the happiness index of individuals; the increase in experiencing of joy in daily life when gratitude is instilled as a practice.

In the midst of evaluating my results over these two months of hibernation, I detected troubling signs of confusion; first, when I am aware of the negative thoughts such as judgmental perspectives and negativity affect, I tend to put down oneself as incompetent in my practice; second, when I see others indulging in their egoistic notion of thoughts, other than empathy, I felt sometimes, helpless and sometimes, disgusted with the state of minds, at this point of time, I am aware that judgment has been passed again on them by my mind. I gradually stopped sharing my understanding to others, even when some asked for my advice, they may be able to understand normatively what I shared but they are unable to accept them, resistance by their preconceptions. I was slowly, deviating away from the normative aspects of being a member of the society, hoping to live perhaps, a recluse life away from them. That option, to me, is not an option. I have my obligations as a son, a brother to my parents and siblings. There is always this aspect of the capitalistic society that we live in that prohibits the renunciation of mundane life.

Perhaps having a sense of, and accepting the mundane world and the obligations of a member of the society helps in the balancing of the spiritual and mundane life. This balancing act, together with the cultivation of non-self, reduction of the ego is perhaps what I need to work on in the second phase of my hibernation. I have fallen too deep in the dark abyss in the name of spirituality, neglecting my mundane life and it is time for me to get a better sense of the world that I live in, fulfilling my potential as a member of the society, enhance my mindfulness, and hopefully reduce the perspective existence of ego in my life.

It is time for me to start the second phase of my hibernation, with the emphasis on mindfulness and understanding the notion of non-self through the reducing of ego in daily life. I called this hibernation phase, Operation Fallen Angel.

May all be well and happy

With metta,

Simple Bear 18.03.2012.

The Joy of ‘Reestablishment'

The Joy of ‘Reestablishment'

Have you ever wonder why sometimes we will take an instant dislike to an individual at first impression? Is it the salient features of the individual which trigger our negative schematic responses or is there another explanation to it.

What made each other ‘hate’ each other at first sight? In Buddhism, there is perhaps, a tendency to explain it in Karmic terms; there might have been prior negative karmic experience between the two individuals in previous existences. The present conditional milieu resulted in the utilization of negative karmic schemes hence prior negativity lead to the current ‘subconscious’ dislike of one another or only one party towards another.

What is important is not why it had happen (in the past) but what will happen (present and future). I always thought I will be more than happy to be given the opportunities to practice compassion and generosity whenever I encounter individuals who sell tissues on the street. However, today was a slightly different experience for me; I actually met one uncle who at first ‘impression’ did not inspire me to buy even a pack of tissue from him. I was surprised at my subconscious response, and the notion of previous negative karmic experience came to my mind as I was wondering about the causality of it.

I walked away at first and then, this thought arose in me, if the causality of this experience is due to previous karmic experience, then in this moment of time, I have the free will, the choice and opportunity to change it for the better, to reestablish good karmic link with the individual for future time to come. I decided at the point of time to walk over, gave him my coin, took a pack of tissue and thank him.

I walked away not only with a pack of tissue but another new perspective on the interdependency of individuals and a feeling of gratitude for (1) him for giving me the chance to reestablish good karmic link with him (2) myself for being aware and mindful of my subconscious response and doing the right thing and (3) for the various conditions that had come together to give to me the opportunity to do so.

If negative habitual tendencies are results of the past, we can make a conscious choice to change them, for we are creating new history every single moment of our lives; we do not necessarily need to follow the course of history, we create our own course and history with mindfulness, wisdom and compassion.

Now is history in the making.

May all be well and happy.

With metta,

Simple Bear 02.03.2012.