A want to love or a need to love, that is the question

A want to love or a need to love, that is the question

As I approach my mid 30s, single and unattached and since Chinese New Year is just round the corner, a lot of people had showed their concerns for me by asking me on my relationship status; and some had offered to introduce nice potential partners to me.

I am grateful for the concern. Being the eccentric bear that I am, it engenders a question in my mind, why love?

Do we love someone because we want to love someone? Or do we love someone because we need to be loved by someone?

For some of us, there is no clear answer to that question. We can't differentiate between wanting to love and needing to love; love, perhaps to some, is a mixture of both need and want. Just like sometimes, I can't differentiate whether I am a bear or a human. :D

Does us wanting to love someone, a result of us needing to be loved by someone? And that induces pain and frustrations; reciprocity in love is rarely as expected.

Going beyond just the normative definition of relationship, we look at friendship and kinship; the question remains the same. Do we love our family and friends because we need to be loved or do we just love them because we want to love?

We expects reciprocity and we suffers sometimes. Is it wrong to expect? It is not wrong but we almost certainly will suffer sometimes.

Want or need to love, that perhaps is the question with no definite answer for most of us.

And, love changes. From a want to a need; from a need to a want, sometimes, over time.

I can't even define love; but that is a question for another day.

May everyone have a lovely day ahead.

With love
Simple Bear 19.01.2017.

You are hot and you are cold

You are hot and you are cold

Friend: "I am disappointed in you."
Simple Bear: "Disappointed?"
Friend: "You seem so cold to me?"
Simple Bear: "Am I supposed to be warm?"
Friend: "I mean, since you are talking about love and kindness, aren't you supposed to be warm?"
Simple Bear: "I am not perfect, my dear. And the image of a warm and fuzzy bear is your expectations of me."
Friend: "Sorry. I didn't mean to."
Simple Bear: "There is no need to be sorry. I am grateful for you telling me. It is an inspiration."
Friend: "Inspiration for ?"
Simple Bear: "I, too falls into the subconscious trappings of having expectations and expecting the expectations to be true and disappointed when it is not. We expects others to be our expectations and in the process, fails to understand them from their perspectives."
Friend: "You mean we should not have expectations?"
Simple Bear: "We can have wholesome expectations, of ourselves and strives to be so. Some may say we won't be disappointed if we don't have expectations but the truth is, can we not have any expectations?"
Friend: "Maybe we can?"
Simple Bear: "Are we are at ease with no expectations? Are we just comfortable with just how things are in this moment of time? Most of the time, for some of us, we are not at ease. We have the expectation of not having expectations and that expectation engenders negativity."
Friend: "So, should we or should we not have expectations?"
Simple Bear: "In my limited experience, there are those expectations of others for oneself, and those of others and self for others; seek to reduce those of others for oneself. I think we can have expectations for others but we moderate it with understanding that no one is perfect. No matter how good your intention is, if we don't take into consideration the conditions of others, then it is just 'egoistic' expectations of others."
Friend: "I should work on myself."
Simple Bear: "I should work hard too. I am not perfect."

Perfection, a journey

Perfection, a journey

"I am not perfect. I have my weaknesses. If I am perfect now, I would be standing at my destination in this moment of time. It is because of imperfections that I undertook this journey of self discovery, introspection and change so that I may, at the end of the road, reach my destination of perfection, freedom from what is not freedom."
Simple Bear 14.01.2017.

Moments

Moments

"Unhappiness is a series of moments in time; so is happiness."
Simple Bear 09.01.2017.

Happiness and Unhappiness

Happiness and Unhappiness

"Sometimes our very pursuit of happiness is the cause of our unhappiness."
Simple Bear 08.01.2017.

快乐与不快乐

"有时，我们对于快乐的追求是我们不快乐的源头。"
简单熊 08.01.2017.

烦

烦

沉浸于心觉非烦
回荡红尘才知烦
不知非烦还是烦
才知非烦也是烦

简单熊 05.01.2017.

Pink Tulip

Pink Tulip

Spent my afternoon with volunteers spreading cheers of the new year with our special friends in the hospital and nursing home.

I saw the name of the ward in the nursing home, Tulip and it reminds me of my work.

What is the flower language of Tulip?

Love. Perfect love.

And pink Tulip symbolizes happiness; happiness from being loved and love.

Heard an inspirational story of care giving. A father who comes to visit the daughter every single day, bringing her out for some sunshine.

Perhaps, the significant reason to most of us finding it inspirational is due to its rarity in our society.

Most of the people in the long term stay wards in the mental health hospital and nursing homes rarely have people visiting them regularly. And some, have no one.

For them, perhaps, their closest family are the nurses who take care of them; and their friends, volunteers who comes to visit especially during festive periods.

I am inspired by the commitment of volunteers who visit them regularly. Over the years, I have seen and work with volunteers who inspired me to volunteer time and time again with their love for others.

I am super inspired by the nurses who take care of them with love and commitment. Perhaps to some, it is their job to take care of them, but the job requires tons of love. And I have seen in my daily work, the love my nursing colleagues put in their work, to provide not only the nursing care that our special friends require but also the care that their hearts needed.

Thank you nurses for working hard this holiday season to take care of those who needed the care.

Thank you volunteers for working hard this holiday season too to spread the cheers to our special friends.

Happy New Year again everyone.

May everyone love and be loved.

With Love
Simple Bear 01.01.2017.