“死胖子”
The three abusive words flew at me after I received a hard hit on the arm from her. Passengers on the bus around me were shocked and my classmate was afraid that I may just unleash the bear on my assailant. In the midst of the shouting, I turned to face my assailant and the next moment was laughing with my classmate, who was more surprised by my reaction than the strange assault earlier on, which she was a witness to.
“It is my lucky day. I should go buy lottery tomorrow.” I said to my classmate, of my experience.
I explained to my classmate on the bus journey home that the person who hurled physical and verbal abuse at me was having a difficult time and she was expressing her emotions in the way that she was accustomed to. We may think that her behavior wasn’t socially acceptable but even if we explain to her, she really may not understand our perspective, just as we don’t understand hers either.
I began to reflect on my experience earlier.
When I was facing her, to say the truth, I wasn’t really concerned with her identity but my physiological, emotional and mental reactions to her actions; mindfully searching for signs of anger arising.
I am glad I didn’t find any disturbing signs. The beast was sleeping still.
Anger is anger, there is no difference between she and us and although we may react differently in the expression of the affect, perhaps we too, like her, ignorant of the impact of our expression of anger on the people around us.
Are we aware of the hurt that we bring to others and ourselves when we are angry? Even if we are aware, do we really care about who we hurt as long we unleash the negative emotions?
Although I am not able to do anything to alleviate her suffering but the very least I can do is not to increase hers by reacting negatively, that perhaps is compassion in action, in a non-action way.
I filled my mind with thoughts of hope, for her alleviation of suffering and may she experience better conditions in the future to come.
May all be free from anger, be well and happy always.
With Loving-kindness
Simple Bear 26.02.2014.
Wednesday, February 26, 2014
Saturday, February 22, 2014
Pursuit of Happiness
"Sometimes, in the pursuit of happiness, we focus too much on what we want to be happy but forget what we need to be happy."
Simple Bear 22.02.2014.
Simple Bear 22.02.2014.
Friday, February 7, 2014
Right
"When we indulge in our desire to be perceived as right, we cease to be right."
Simple Bear 30.01.2014.
Simple Bear 30.01.2014.
Advice
"A well-intended advice realises its wholesome potential when it is asked for; not when it is perceived to be needed by."
Simple Bear 21.01.2014.
Simple Bear 21.01.2014.
Understanding Self
"I am
the only person capable of fully understanding myself; and I am, the
only person capable of being fully understood by myself."
Simple Bear 14.01.2014.
Simple Bear 14.01.2014.
Responsible for Dreams
"We all have dreams but do we have the courage and tenacity to be responsible for them? It is a question for now."
Simple Bear 13.01.2013.
Simple Bear 13.01.2013.
Embracing Vulnerability
Embracing Vulnerability
Douglas Coupland
The words of Canadian novelist Douglas Coupland rings in my mind. How well do we embrace the possibilities of physical, emotional and mental solitude? Does acknowledging loneliness make us emotionally and mentally vulnerable? Is there a part of us that attempts to deny this vulnerability of ours?
A few messages from a friend set my mind on contemplation of loneliness, my attitude towards this human conceptualization of solitude. Previously, I wrote quite a fair bit on being alone but not lonely, about breaking free from this social demand of companionship as an essential component of happiness; one can be lonely when accompanied and not lonely when alone.
Did I really embraced that notion of contentment in solitude? Was there any possibilities that there is a small part of me, of my heart that is still vulnerable to this social notion of loneliness? I began to reflect on the recent past, was there any subconscious signs of frustration and discontentment, indicative of a yearning to fulfill this social norm of companionship?
And the result? Yes I did.
I wasn't disappointed or angry at myself for having those human emotions of pain and dissatisfaction. To say the truth, I was glad that I had felt this way. I wasn't 'emotionally disconnected'. The experiencing of the emotions have their utility, first, they are an indication of there are really perhaps certain memories, aspects of myself which led to the engendering of these emotions that I wasn't aware of, and second, these are areas which I need to work on, on the road to having happiness in the sea of change.
I embraced the emotions, the possibilities of the arising and cessation of the emotions. And the embracing and acknowledgement of these emotions induced by the social conception of loneliness does make me feel vulnerable but this is what makes us human, isn't it? There is no need to deny these emotions but there is also no need to indulge in them. Acknowledging our vulnerabilities doesn't make us become lamb chops to the wolves, in contrast the awareness of those vulnerabilities is a first step to becoming stronger both emotionally and mentally through understanding ourselves, the reasons for our vulnerabilities and having the awareness and strength to work through them, to become stronger with time.
Some of us feel lonely and attempt to satisfy this 'hungry' condition of ours by placing expectations on others. What we often get in return for our dependency and expectations are disappointments and the worsening of the condition. Indulge in satisfying loneliness is like trying to fill a black hole, you understand nothing about it and eventually, you are decimated by loneliness itself.
And for some of us, we attempt to deny the existence of loneliness and and attempt to hide behind rationality, theories and like the hydra, you cut off one head with the sword of rationality and two more hideous heads grow from the wound that we cut off. To destroy the 'hydra', we need to understand its Achilles heel, the reasons for vulnerability that are within us. Unless we have the courage to descend into the Tartarus of our mind and deal with the hellish horrors, we can never experience the bliss of the light. And the hydra will always be waiting, for an opportunity to rear one of its ugly heads and drag you into the darkness.
And as for me, I am dealing with it in my Simple Bear way, smiling at the dreadful past, the pain and tears, bringing little pockets of light slowly into the darkness of the abyss. I am clearer about my priorities, the life I am going to live, well at least momentarily.
There is nothing to fear about loneliness, about feeling vulnerable; what is to be feared is the lack of awareness and understanding of the causality of loneliness within us.
With awareness and understanding, it is as if we have the thread of Ariadne in the Cretan Labyrinth; without awareness and understanding, it is as if we are trapped in the Cretan Labyrinth, waiting with fear for the Minotaur of Loneliness to devour us.
Well of course, having said all of the above, what do I know of loneliness? I know nothing. These are just my opinions. It is up to us to experience and understand it ourselves.
May all be well and happy. May all have peace in their hearts.
With Love and Kindness
Simple Bear 10.01.2014.
Knowing Nothing
Knowing Nothing.
Friend: You seems to know everything.
Simple Bear: That is an illusion. I don't know anything.
Friend: Then what are those things that you just said.
Simple Bear: Those are opinions. A lot of us have opinions on everything but know nothing.
Friend: -_-!
I know I can be a very eccentric bear
Friend: You seems to know everything.
Simple Bear: That is an illusion. I don't know anything.
Friend: Then what are those things that you just said.
Simple Bear: Those are opinions. A lot of us have opinions on everything but know nothing.
Friend: -_-!
I know I can be a very eccentric bear
Disappointments...
"Our
disappointments with the world isn't of the world, the world is it is as
it is; we are disappointed with our unfulfilled expectations of the
world."
Simple Bear 05.11.2013.
Simple Bear 05.11.2013.
Suffering Is Essential
"The experiencing of suffering is essential for the experiencing of happiness. "
Simple Bear 23.10.2013.
Simple Bear 23.10.2013.
Monday, February 3, 2014
Bali Trip Reflections 3
Reflection on a thunderstorm
I was trying to sleep on the plane back to Singapore when flashes of light outside the plane window kept me awake. I looked outside and saw flashes of lightning among the clouds not too far away. It was a beautiful sight to behold and then this thought came to my mind, would I have thought the same if I was caught in the storm clouds.
The people watching the storm unfolding in the distance won't be able to experience the experience of being caught in the storm in the same moment. Perhaps, we all have experience of being caught in the storm but every moment is different, we are not in it now.
The people caught in the storm right now won't be able to experience the storm from the perspective of the people in the plane watching it from a distance in the same moment. Even if they may have prior experience of watching the storm from a distance but in this very moment, this experiential memory is not being retrieved.
Use this analogy on empathy, and perhaps we can be more empathetic; when we say we understand, we basically mean we may have experienced similar situations before but never the same experience as the person who is experiencing the situation now. We may have the tendency to think we do but in reality we don't. The differences in past experiences of the individual, the salient cognitions and affect of the individual in the experience now is different from we, when we experience similar situations.
Perhaps our empathy when used in understanding others can be enhanced by understanding this difference; we can be more sensitive to the current experience of the individual. The Greek philosopher, Heraclitus once said, "No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it's not the same river and he's not the same man." No matter how similar in terms of past experiences, personality of the person experiencing the situation now and we, it cannot be the same. The experience of the storm is also different for two persons experience the storm side by side, much less someone who had experienced a storm, but not the storm.
Empathy or the vicarious experiencing of the cognitions, affect and behavior of another individual, the adoption of the others' perspectives are based on much assumptions. The assumptions of 'how we think' the other is feeling, thinking right now based on 'what we experienced'. When we assume, the possibilities of semantics increases in our communication, and we need to be aware and take note of it in our interpersonal communications.
Being mindful of this difference may allow us to be better communicators and enhances our empathetic ability, by placing less emphasis on one's own experiences and more, on the other, who is experiencing the experience right now. The experiencing of empathy allows for the arising of compassion, volitional action to alleviate the perceived sufferings of others. This is a topic for another day, I think I better get back to my academic assignment.
May we all learn to be better at empathy, and in the process, be better individuals.
With Metta
Simple Bear 04.02.2014.
P.S. The above are all just random thoughts that came through my mind when I was watching the thunderstorm unfolding from my plane's window. I maybe wrong but at least it is a start.
I was trying to sleep on the plane back to Singapore when flashes of light outside the plane window kept me awake. I looked outside and saw flashes of lightning among the clouds not too far away. It was a beautiful sight to behold and then this thought came to my mind, would I have thought the same if I was caught in the storm clouds.
The people watching the storm unfolding in the distance won't be able to experience the experience of being caught in the storm in the same moment. Perhaps, we all have experience of being caught in the storm but every moment is different, we are not in it now.
The people caught in the storm right now won't be able to experience the storm from the perspective of the people in the plane watching it from a distance in the same moment. Even if they may have prior experience of watching the storm from a distance but in this very moment, this experiential memory is not being retrieved.
Use this analogy on empathy, and perhaps we can be more empathetic; when we say we understand, we basically mean we may have experienced similar situations before but never the same experience as the person who is experiencing the situation now. We may have the tendency to think we do but in reality we don't. The differences in past experiences of the individual, the salient cognitions and affect of the individual in the experience now is different from we, when we experience similar situations.
Perhaps our empathy when used in understanding others can be enhanced by understanding this difference; we can be more sensitive to the current experience of the individual. The Greek philosopher, Heraclitus once said, "No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it's not the same river and he's not the same man." No matter how similar in terms of past experiences, personality of the person experiencing the situation now and we, it cannot be the same. The experience of the storm is also different for two persons experience the storm side by side, much less someone who had experienced a storm, but not the storm.
Empathy or the vicarious experiencing of the cognitions, affect and behavior of another individual, the adoption of the others' perspectives are based on much assumptions. The assumptions of 'how we think' the other is feeling, thinking right now based on 'what we experienced'. When we assume, the possibilities of semantics increases in our communication, and we need to be aware and take note of it in our interpersonal communications.
Being mindful of this difference may allow us to be better communicators and enhances our empathetic ability, by placing less emphasis on one's own experiences and more, on the other, who is experiencing the experience right now. The experiencing of empathy allows for the arising of compassion, volitional action to alleviate the perceived sufferings of others. This is a topic for another day, I think I better get back to my academic assignment.
May we all learn to be better at empathy, and in the process, be better individuals.
With Metta
Simple Bear 04.02.2014.
P.S. The above are all just random thoughts that came through my mind when I was watching the thunderstorm unfolding from my plane's window. I maybe wrong but at least it is a start.
Bali Trip Reflection 2
Contemplation on fear and gratitude for conditions
Decided to take a walk from the shopping mall back to my accommodation yesterday. Didn't expected it to take hours but I guess it was worth it. Without any maps or network, I can only depend on my spatial memory of the area when the cab took me to the mall earlier. I was aware of fear which arose due to unfamiliarity of the area, language; and my timid nature didn't help in alleviating the fear. We fear what we don't know and I decided to challenge myself.
What brought me comfort initially was the familiar signs of food outlets on the streets like Starbucks and MacDonald I guess it reduces the unfamiliarity of the place a little. The statues of Buddha that I saw along the road also help to alleviate my fear.
As I walked on through abandoned sites dominated by wild vegetation. I saw a sign that captured my attention; it read 'Vihara Buddha Dharma Buddhayana Temple'. Right in front of me is a deserted deviation from the main road and there is a Buddhist temple along the small road. I told myself conditions must be right for me and walked into the small road.
Surrounded by construction sites and a river or canal flowing in front, the Mahayana Buddhist temple had an aura of serenity. My fears were alleviated and I went in to do my postrations and offerings.
I was filled with elation at the opportunity to do Dana and offerings in a foreign land. Then this thought dawned on me, did I have the same elation when I did Dana and offerings back at home?
The scarcity of this opportunity is what made it so perceptually precious and joy inspiring. then this thought came to my mind, to have know the Dharma itself is rare, the chance to do offerings to the Buddhas and Bodhisattva are rare, to have experience the Dharma is rare, I am a lucky bear and yet I don't always readily realise that in everyday life in Singapore.
As I sat in my room in contemplation, this thought came to me, I have taken for granted what is indeed rare, an aggregation of the right conditions to know the Buddha, encounter the Dharma and understanding of the Dharma through learning from the Sangha. This mentality serves as an impediment to the practice and the remedy is gratitude.
May I be grateful and rejoice in the good conditions that brought me to the Triple Gems and experience the Dharma in my life.
May we all be well and happy.
With Metta
Simple Bear 03.02.2014.
Decided to take a walk from the shopping mall back to my accommodation yesterday. Didn't expected it to take hours but I guess it was worth it. Without any maps or network, I can only depend on my spatial memory of the area when the cab took me to the mall earlier. I was aware of fear which arose due to unfamiliarity of the area, language; and my timid nature didn't help in alleviating the fear. We fear what we don't know and I decided to challenge myself.
What brought me comfort initially was the familiar signs of food outlets on the streets like Starbucks and MacDonald I guess it reduces the unfamiliarity of the place a little. The statues of Buddha that I saw along the road also help to alleviate my fear.
As I walked on through abandoned sites dominated by wild vegetation. I saw a sign that captured my attention; it read 'Vihara Buddha Dharma Buddhayana Temple'. Right in front of me is a deserted deviation from the main road and there is a Buddhist temple along the small road. I told myself conditions must be right for me and walked into the small road.
Surrounded by construction sites and a river or canal flowing in front, the Mahayana Buddhist temple had an aura of serenity. My fears were alleviated and I went in to do my postrations and offerings.
I was filled with elation at the opportunity to do Dana and offerings in a foreign land. Then this thought dawned on me, did I have the same elation when I did Dana and offerings back at home?
The scarcity of this opportunity is what made it so perceptually precious and joy inspiring. then this thought came to my mind, to have know the Dharma itself is rare, the chance to do offerings to the Buddhas and Bodhisattva are rare, to have experience the Dharma is rare, I am a lucky bear and yet I don't always readily realise that in everyday life in Singapore.
As I sat in my room in contemplation, this thought came to me, I have taken for granted what is indeed rare, an aggregation of the right conditions to know the Buddha, encounter the Dharma and understanding of the Dharma through learning from the Sangha. This mentality serves as an impediment to the practice and the remedy is gratitude.
May I be grateful and rejoice in the good conditions that brought me to the Triple Gems and experience the Dharma in my life.
May we all be well and happy.
With Metta
Simple Bear 03.02.2014.
Sunday, February 2, 2014
Bali Trip Reflections 1
Second day in Bali.
My accommodation is far away from the beaches, bars that Bali is famous for. Went walking around the local estate and town area, the salient scene that struck me wasn't the spas, villas but the stark, in-your-face contrast on the streets.
Personal villas, hotels with swimming pools, spas with tubs filled with roses are side by side along uneven roads with demolished, abandoned buildings. Some of the locals sitting at the roadside staring in a direction, in space. It seems as if their dreams found their resting place in the sands which others had dreamt of.
I wonder while we, the tourists enjoyed the sun, and the great hospitality of the Bali people, how many of us stop and reflect on the reality of the place, a snapshot of life itself.
Happiness, or in this case, hedonic happiness is just across the street from sufferings in our mind. Sometimes we choose to engage in pleasures and ignore the possible sufferings induced from our intentional ignorance of reality.
Seriously, I should take a break and stop being so serious about everything. Please forgive me as I go back to sipping my green tea and cheesecake.
My accommodation is far away from the beaches, bars that Bali is famous for. Went walking around the local estate and town area, the salient scene that struck me wasn't the spas, villas but the stark, in-your-face contrast on the streets.
Personal villas, hotels with swimming pools, spas with tubs filled with roses are side by side along uneven roads with demolished, abandoned buildings. Some of the locals sitting at the roadside staring in a direction, in space. It seems as if their dreams found their resting place in the sands which others had dreamt of.
I wonder while we, the tourists enjoyed the sun, and the great hospitality of the Bali people, how many of us stop and reflect on the reality of the place, a snapshot of life itself.
Happiness, or in this case, hedonic happiness is just across the street from sufferings in our mind. Sometimes we choose to engage in pleasures and ignore the possible sufferings induced from our intentional ignorance of reality.
Seriously, I should take a break and stop being so serious about everything. Please forgive me as I go back to sipping my green tea and cheesecake.
Saturday, February 1, 2014
小熊出游记
小熊出游记
新年快乐!!! 希望大家在新的一年幸福安康。
活到这把年纪了, 第一次一个人出国。很多情, 思绪; 期待和自己出去走走。也许很多人会在想我是不是疯了, 一个人去巴厘岛。也许我在人们的眼里是个怪人, 疯子, 但如果我规规矩矩, 顺着社会的常理做事, 我这只简单的小熊就不复存在了吧。
想乘这次的旅行来好好的检讨, 反省, 整理一下自己的心。希望我迈进人生的第三十一个年头时, 有了对人生, 对幸福更清楚的方向, 更清晰的认知。我们只活那么一次, 人生没有重来, 我不想糊里糊涂的过。
希望大家在这新的一年里更清楚的了解自己的心, 一步一步在幸福的道路上迈向心福的终点。
"幸福不是偶然; 有心, 幸福是自然。"
简单熊 01.02.2014.
新年快乐!!! 希望大家在新的一年幸福安康。
活到这把年纪了, 第一次一个人出国。很多情, 思绪; 期待和自己出去走走。也许很多人会在想我是不是疯了, 一个人去巴厘岛。也许我在人们的眼里是个怪人, 疯子, 但如果我规规矩矩, 顺着社会的常理做事, 我这只简单的小熊就不复存在了吧。
想乘这次的旅行来好好的检讨, 反省, 整理一下自己的心。希望我迈进人生的第三十一个年头时, 有了对人生, 对幸福更清楚的方向, 更清晰的认知。我们只活那么一次, 人生没有重来, 我不想糊里糊涂的过。
希望大家在这新的一年里更清楚的了解自己的心, 一步一步在幸福的道路上迈向心福的终点。
"幸福不是偶然; 有心, 幸福是自然。"
简单熊 01.02.2014.
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