Reflection on a thunderstorm
I was trying to sleep on the plane back to Singapore when flashes of
light outside the plane window kept me awake. I looked outside and saw
flashes of lightning among the clouds not too far away. It was a
beautiful sight to behold and then this thought came to my mind, would I
have thought the same if I was caught in the storm clouds.
The people watching the storm unfolding
in the distance won't be able to experience the experience of being
caught in the storm in the same moment. Perhaps, we all have experience
of being caught in the storm but every moment is different, we are not
in it now.
The people caught in the storm right now won't be
able to experience the storm from the perspective of the people in the
plane watching it from a distance in the same moment. Even if they may
have prior experience of watching the storm from a distance but in this
very moment, this experiential memory is not being retrieved.
Use this analogy on empathy, and perhaps we can be more empathetic; when
we say we understand, we basically mean we may have experienced similar
situations before but never the same experience as the person who is
experiencing the situation now. We may have the tendency to think we do
but in reality we don't. The differences in past experiences of the
individual, the salient cognitions and affect of the individual in the
experience now is different from we, when we experience similar
situations.
Perhaps our empathy when used in understanding
others can be enhanced by understanding this difference; we can be more
sensitive to the current experience of the individual. The Greek
philosopher, Heraclitus once said, "No man ever steps in the same river
twice, for it's not the same river and he's not the same man." No matter
how similar in terms of past experiences, personality of the person
experiencing the situation now and we, it cannot be the same. The
experience of the storm is also different for two persons experience the
storm side by side, much less someone who had experienced a storm, but
not the storm.
Empathy or the vicarious experiencing of the
cognitions, affect and behavior of another individual, the adoption of
the others' perspectives are based on much assumptions. The assumptions
of 'how we think' the other is feeling, thinking right now based on
'what we experienced'. When we assume, the possibilities of semantics
increases in our communication, and we need to be aware and take note of
it in our interpersonal communications.
Being mindful of this
difference may allow us to be better communicators and enhances our
empathetic ability, by placing less emphasis on one's own experiences
and more, on the other, who is experiencing the experience right now.
The experiencing of empathy allows for the arising of compassion,
volitional action to alleviate the perceived sufferings of others. This
is a topic for another day, I think I better get back to my academic
assignment.
May we all learn to be better at empathy, and in the process, be better individuals.
With Metta
Simple Bear 04.02.2014.
P.S. The above are all just random thoughts that came through my mind
when I was watching the thunderstorm unfolding from my plane's window. I
maybe wrong but at least it is a start.
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