Know thy reactions
"I can't believe no one press the bell for me!" A voice imbued with rising anger was screaming inside my head.
I felt the increasing physiological tension in my body, the increasing heart rate, the tightening of the skin etc.
This was anger.
And I am falling right into the pit of hot erupting anger 'lava'.
A minute before all these happened, I was on the bus preparing to align
at the bus stop. The uncle standing in front of me was carrying a big
bag on his back, blocking the way and took some time to put down his bag
and let me pass towards the bus door. As I was reaching the door, the
door started closing and I quickly reached for the nearest bell but the
bus still drove off. The passengers near me looked at me with looks of
'why didn't the bus driver open the door but drove off instead?"
I was more frustrated by the indifference of the rest of the passengers at that moment of time.
Then I noticed the thought of 'blaming the passengers for not pressing
the bell for me when I was struggling to get pass the uncle with the big
bag.'
It was the 'seed' of suffering. I focused on my breath, the air flowing in and out of my body.
It was my normative reaction to the situation. If I had followed the
thought, it could have grown into thoughts of blaming the uncle for not
being fast enough to unload his bag, for bringing a big bag and the bus driver
for not stopping despite me already at the door, struggling with the
door bell; and also thoughts of going to make a complaint against the
bus driver.
Frustrations will grow and the consequences would be only more sufferings for me.
The question, on the surface now is the worth of continuing with the
negativity. Is it worth it? The result was only having to walk a bus
stop back home but if I had followed through with all those negative
thoughts, the result would be me not being able to enjoy my dinner,
watching the latest episode of 'Running Man' and having a good sleep.
The answer to the question? It is not worth it.
Looking deeper within myself, such egocentric reactions are still
normative for me. I have not made any much progress in terms of changing
my reactions to those of empathy; the awareness is not good enough to
stop the reactionary thought and respond with accepting and empathetic
thoughts instead.
I reacted. I should have responded instead.
I still have a long way to go. Yesterday night episode was a good learning experience and I am grateful.
Today is a new beginning to be better than the past.
May all have the awareness to respond to situations with positivity. May all be well and happy.
With loving-kindness (I need tons of it)
Simple Bear 01.02.2016
