Face to face with the ego(s)

Face to face with the ego(s)

Was I too sensitive? I wondered.

The speech and actions of these individuals seems to indicate a salient ego and the absence of empathy and compassion, the lack of the ability to take multiple perspectives other than well, one’s own.

A letter to MM

I was taken aback when you and your friend try to force your idea(s) on me, wanting me to compromise my integrity and lie to my friends to satisfy your egocentric desires. For the first time in a very long time, I felt like raising my paw and slap you right across the room, into the walls.

‘How dare you!’ The inner bear in me growl with fiery anger. I felt myself trembling with fear, fear of releasing the bear on you and your friend. It almost sapped all my mental strength to stop myself from being sucked into the emotional hurricane in that moment.

I decided, instead of taking out my fury on you, to drag my inner bear back to his cave, put on my best fake smile in response to your disgusting antics and walked away in silent.

Silence doesn’t mean agreement; it was to save myself from surrendering my psyche to the fiery infernus of my mind. Being friends of my friend doesn’t make you my friend. I felt hurt seriously empathically, knowing that you have the intention of lying to your close friend.

My mind was, in that moment of time disturbed. My mind was riddled by ripples made by the raining of the continuous repeat broadcasting of the negative emotions. It took some time before the rain stop and the stillness returns.

Now, I can sit down introspectively.

All that left now after the Pandora-ian unleashing of negativity were gratitude and compassion. Gratitude to the both of you for showing me the possible consequences if I don’t enhance my self-awareness; gratitude to the both of you for giving me examples not to learn from and the possibility of the dire consequences of negative thoughts and emotions felt by others if ever I show my egocentric side. Gratitude to all my good friends, teachers and all those sentient beings who had kindly assisted and taught me in my journey of self-discovery, allowing me to realize my mistakes and improve myself.

Compassion for my friend who is well, your close friend and he face the possibility of you, lying to him, may he have the strength and courage to understand and forgive you when the time comes. Compassion for you and your friend, may you two meet with good friends and teachers who can help you realize your flaws and improve on them.

We will be meeting again soon and hopefully I can show more compassion and empathy towards you and your friend.

*Silent prayers.

With metta,

Simple Bear 30.12.2011.

Fallacy

Fallacy

Silently I lay, fatally wounded by my mortal arch enemy

Defeated, with the sword Fallacy plunged deep in my heart

I cried out in pain but no cries was heard, from the depths of Tartarus

Silence reign, it was the sound of life fading like the sands of an hourglass

Silently I lay, waiting for the moments of inanity to end silently

Simple Bear 21.11.2011.

My Experience with the Pinkerton Syndrome

My Experience with the Pinkerton Syndrome.

‘The freedom of self-expression should not be a mask for the oblivion or lack of situational awareness and introspective mindfulness.’
Simple Bear 05.09.2011.

‘All Singaporean men are useless’ a statement that was, in my own opinion, a sweeping statement that was discriminating, insensitive and egoistic especially when Singaporean men were among the audience.

I kept quiet but a non-response to the discriminating remarks doesn’t imply my concurrence but respect for the rights of individuals to hold differing views. It is normal for all of us to hold differentiating opinions with regards to certain issues that we feel strongly for. However, going a step further by manifesting prejudices in discriminating remarks in justification of personal inclinations is perhaps uncalled for. The egoistic expression of one’s personal inclinations indicated a lack of respect for others which I have to admit, had a hard time trying not to evince my revulsion for.

In the midst of all those negativity, there are a few questions that surfaced in my mind. First, the nature or nurture reasons behind the causation of the development of the dispositions that led to the expression of discriminations. I think the socio-cultural element of the Pinkerton Syndrome is a major nurture contributor to the growth of the stereotypical attitudes and prejudices of the individuals in their dispositional development, which of course, lead to the causation of the discrimination that I had perceived to have experienced. Experience with Singaporean men maybe another psychological-social factor that contributes to the Pinkerton Syndrome and vice versa, the Pinkerton Syndrome affect the perceived experience with Singaporean men.

Second, the possibility of personal or societal prejudices, stereotypes in the causation of my intrinsic responses towards the perceived experienced discrimination. The social identification of me as a Singaporean, Chinese man invokes, perhaps certain stereotypical attitudes and prejudices towards the perceived variant of the Pinkerton Syndrome which was apparent in my cognitive response towards the negative experience. In retrospection, my personal expectations of the respect towards others may play a part in the response too. In the heat of the moment, I was aware of the activation of self-serving attributions as a possible response and rationalization of the experience.

Third, the possibility of the perceived discriminating remarks as the result of a misjudgment and the intent was not as perceived. It was difficult for me to recognize the possibility of such a misjudgment and misinterpretation of the intent on my part. Maintenance of objectivity is almost non-existent in my cognition towards the experience, save for the element of meta-cognition and respect for individuals’ freedom of self-expression.

Personally, I have no problems with ladies holding such stereotypical views and personal inclinations towards other nationalities, my prior experience and relations with the ladies who held similar inclinations had so far been amicable. However, the verbal expression towards Singaporean men in the form of such blunt statements is discrimination. Looking at the other side of the coin, the individual may have negative experience with Singaporean men that resulted in the perceived variant of the Pinkerton Syndrome, and the perceived negative experience had cast a negative veil over future experiences, enhancing the individual’s negative cognitive appraisal of Singaporean men. Allowing empathy into the picture, I can understand and close this chapter on my experience with the Pinkerton Syndrome.

Social Comparisons and Reflections

‘Social comparisons are essential reminders for us to practice altruism, compassion and gratitude.’
Simple Bear 01.09.2011.

A Grateful Morning

I am…grateful

I decided to pen this entry to express my thanks to a stranger whom I met this morning at the MRT. Just want to say thank you to Uncle Song who had shared with me his story on the short trip to work. He may never know how much of an inspiration he was to me this morning but I just want to express my gratitude.

‘Uncle Song, thank you for inspiring me. Your determination to continue your walk in the path of life despite all the obstacles and difficulties that you faced reminded me of how lucky I am to be alive and well. May you be well and happy always.’

Sukki hontu,
A Grateful Bear

给爱人的信

给爱人的信

我常说你是我的因果, 谢谢你的出现, 让我学会长大.
你我从今以后不再是爱人的关系, 最后的要求想请你好好的照顾自己, 找个能好好照顾你, 把你当成太阳的地球, 给你美好未来的好男人.

我爱你.

爱你的小熊

Limited

Limited

‘All of us have limited time here, we are just not consciously aware of this truth.’
Simple Bear 01.08.2011.

For the past one year, I saw two of my colleagues grieved for their loved ones who had passed on and one colleague who grieved for his lost love. It struck a melodramatic chord in me.

Death comes to all men and we have tried explaining the coming of death since the beginning of human civilization. The Christians explained that the existence of death among humans is due to Adam’s transgression. The Greek explanation is Pandora and her box which brought death to mankind.

Everyone fears death and it is this fear that inhibits our ability to understand the truth that death is certain and embrace the certainty.

Many years ago, I used to wallow in self-pity, knowing that I, too shall face this certainty at a time earlier than most people. Time made me forget about this certainty until my body starts reminding me. Accepting this truth of death, I started reflecting on the priorities in my life.

‘What am I leaving when I’m done here’
Linkin Park ‘Leaving Out The Rest’ from the album ‘Minutes to Midnight’

The lyrics reminded me of what do I want to leave behind. I don’t want to leave behind a legacy, I want to leave behind presents, gifts that brings happiness to my loved ones. Sometimes, that presents requires tough decisions to be made but I know at the end of the day, when my time is up here and I go to face my karmic music, I will leave with a smile because I know I will bring smiles to my loved ones with my presents.

Death, I am learning not to fear you. I am going to accept you as part of my life here, the end.

My friends, if you happen to come across this posting when I am gone. Please smile if I had brought smiles to you before, I would know that I had led a good life. Thank you.

Simple Bear

I feel...I think...

Sometimes, they hurt so much that I want to hide myself in the cage of rationality.

Many-a-times, I woke up in the middle of the night, clutching my heart in pain. I could not explain the pain and hurt that I felt but it is salient, even in my waking hours. Tears threaten to flow out from the corners of my eyes. Emotional sensitivity became my second nature and emotions were overflowing every single day. I sought after rationality to make the emotional torture go away. I want to hide myself in the cage of rationality to keep out the pain and hurt. I don’t know how much more I can bear before I fall victim to the talons of the emotional monster.
I was crawling towards the cage in my injured state and just before I reach the gate, I decided to stand and embrace the pain and hurt that I felt. The turning point was an uncle that I met in the wet market. He was trying to sell durians to me and when I declined, he smiled at me. At that moment, in my mind, I ‘saw’ the pain and sorrows of aging in him. With it, I felt a strange tinge of sadness arising in me. Is it compassion? I asked myself. It was a mixture of emotions, a kind of sadness coupled with pain and a feeling of gratitude. I turn around and what I ‘saw’, was the pain, the sufferings of the people, the world around me.

I decided at that point of time to embrace my emotions and be an emotional bear. I could not imprison my mind in the cage of rationality. I don’t want to lose the ability to be able to emphasize and feel for others. In our world, development of rationality is encouraged over emotionality and what we have is a world filled with egocentrism, un-compassion. I know what I need to do to avoid the traps of emotionality; I need to learn to tune my mind towards mindfulness and walk in the middle path between emotionality and rationality.

Such is the extremities of life.

Simple Bear 28.07.2011

The Buddhist Precepts

Simple Bear on the Buddhist Precepts.

'The Buddha didn't taught us to restrict ourselves.
He taught us to know ourselves.
Because we are who we decide we are.'

Simple Bear 19.07.2011.

Looking at the Past, Present and Future

Looking at the Past, Present and Future.

'I looked at the past and shed a tear
I looked at the future and I felt fear.
Looking at the present, I see hope
For rectifying the past and saving my future own.'

Simple Bear 19.07.2011.

Sense, Think and Smile

Sense, Think and Smile

Be mindful of your own senses, but do not express the discriminations arising.

Be introspective, but do not express your thoughts unnecessarily.

Smile, because you understand.

Simple Bear 19.07.2011.

Seeing Love

'Seeing the mountain as mountain, seeing the water as water
Seeing the mountain not as mountain, seeing the water not as water
Seeing the mountain as mountain, seeing the water as water.'

A literal translation of a Buddhist saying.


A Buddhist monk when asked to comment on his enlightenment, uttered this saying which reflected the differences in his mentality, before enlightenment, during his practice and after enlightenment.

I came across this saying a few years ago and had struggled at that point of time to understand this saying. I can't proclaim now that I can fully comprehend the saying by the Venerable but I had a glimpse of understanding when I applied this saying to my experience and relationships.

This saying represents the understanding of the various conditions in this world and of course, includes love. Understanding the world as it is, understanding ourselves and others, understanding change.

People had tried to explain love for the longest time ever and it can't be explained in a few words. The love that I mentioned in this blog entry is the normative love that we find in our lives and I will leave it to every individual to interpret it as they have experienced it.

First Stage: Love is Blind

'Seeing mountain as mountain, seeing water as water.'

When we fall in love, we all have the tendency to accept our partners as they are, without trying to change them. We are oblivious to the seemingly 'negative' attributes of our partners and some of us may find them adorable to the extent that people around may find it irrational.

Romance and passion is at its height and that clouded our perceived rationality. Despite being 'blind', most of us enjoyed being at this stage, the honeymoon stage. We accepted them as they are.

Second Stage: Love is Change

'Seeing mountain not as mountain, seeing water not as water.'

Love is like a painted wall. As time goes by, the paint starts to peel off the wall. Honeymoon period is over and we slowly regained our sight of perceived rationality. We start to notice the 'negative' attributes of our partners and desire to change them. We start to have expectations, unrealistic expectations of how our partners should react to us. We start wanting to change them, mould them to suit our expected model.

We start to think and blame them for changing but we failed to comprehend that change is the only constant in our lives. We see changes in them not only because they change, we change. Our perceptions change, our expectations of them change, our love change.

We find it harder to accept them as they are. This is perhaps, the most difficult part of love, the cross junction in a relationship.

Third Stage: Love is Love

'Seeing mountain as mountain, seeing water as water.'

Love, in my humble opinion is an one-sided affair. The issue with our perceived notion of love is that we tend to perceive it as a bilateral commitment, with expectations expected to be met. Once it is perceived to be bilateral, expectations arises, disappointments occurs and love disappear.

Love is just simply accepting and giving. I am not trying to put across the notion that we should all accept our partners 'bad' habits as it is and give-in, resigned to our 'fate' together. What I am trying to emphasize is that we should all accept them as they are, understand them, acknowledge the presence of their 'bad' habits and encourage them to change their 'bad' habits for their own benefit. The intention or motivation behind the want for change should be for themselves, not because we want to, need to, for our own vanity sake. Communication is especially important at this stage.

Expectations, we can't avoid but we should always try to moderate our expectations. Again, I am not trying to encourage a apathetic attitude towards our partners but walking the Middle Path in our love, without inclining to extremities. It is a skill to be mastered and together with mindfulness, compassion and loving - kindness, love is a wonderful thing that can change the world for the better.

Love is one-sided but a relationship is bilateral. That is why 'love' is so complicated. Well it is a topic for another time if inspirations arrives.

情

情

找回感性的自我, 眼里看见的却是世间的无情

有情却遇不到相悦的另一份情

无情却按捺不住心中的一份情

深情路走到尽头看见的是绝情

绝情路走到尽头看见的是真情

真情的期盼像似深夜里的流星

一闪而过留下的是深夜里的黑

对期盼的失落化成流星的回忆

对黑夜的恐惧化成绝情的原因

期盼黎明的曙光换真情的感观

回忆不再是刹那间的美丽, 而是真情永恒的证据

简单熊 08.07.2011.

A Good Life

A Good Life

Dear friends,

When I am gone, don’t be sad. Be Happy for me.

If your memories of me bring a smile on your face, then I had led a good life.

If my life story inspires you to continue to improve your life and others, then I had led a good life.

If my words inspire you to cultivate compassion and loving-kindness to yourself and others, then
I had led a good life.

If our friendship had led you through the darkest days of your life, then I had led a good life.

If my death inspires you to contemplate the impermanence of life, then I had led a good life.

Treasure every moment and live well, because my friend, being part of your happiness is the greatest tribute that you can give to me as a friend.

When my time is up in this lifetime, be happy for me because I am a lifetime nearer to enlightenment.

*Inspired from a momentary realization of death

Inspire and Be Inspired

Inspire and Be Inspired

‘One cannot be inspired by another if he/she doesn’t allow him/herself to be inspired.’

Simple Bear 06.04.2011

When we credit people for inspiring us in life, we should at the same time, credit ourselves for allowing ourselves to be inspired by them. When we look around the world around us, we see suffering and at the same time, inspirations. Our level of mindfulness explains the differences between being aware of the sufferings, allowing ourselves to be inspired and being oblivious.
Inspiration, to me is divided into a few stages.

First stage – Be Inspired.

When I see someone who is physically or intellectually challenged on the street, I felt inspired. I am inspired by their strength to continue their life of existence and constantly trying their best to live. Would I be able to be as strong as them if I am in their position? This thought constantly came to my mind.

The initial inspiration, characterized by a sudden mental and emotional positivity, is usually followed by a sense of gratitude.

Second Stage – Be Grateful

I am grateful to them for being them for showing me their strength in living their lives and constantly fighting against the physical, intellectual limitations. I am grateful to myself, for my past and present cultivation, to allow me to have the chance, optimal conditions to be inspired.

Reflection is usually necessary after initial inspiration and gratitude to develop the positivity from states of mental and emotional sensations to positive change, a call for action.

Third Stage – Introspection

Adopting an introspective attitude towards the experiencing of inspiration, we began to be aware of our current positions in our lives and how best to go about the betterment of ours and others lives.

We began to be aware and mindful of our current state of mind, and the utilization of the inspirations and emotions of gratitude as motivation for changes. Changes to break bad habits, cultivate good habits, improve our mental concentration and mindfulness to allow us to be a better person from the next second onwards in our lives.

Beyond initial motivation, we need to put our positive thoughts into actual action for changes.

Fourth Stage – Change

‘For every second we still have in our lives, is an opportunity for positive change.’

Simple Bear 06.07.2011

Sometimes, in implementation of our personal development plans, we must meet with obstacles and may lose the motivation to continue on our journey. Personally, I think we should constantly prepare ourselves to be inspired by others. Once we are mindful, mentally prepared to be inspired, we will have an almost endless supply of motivation from everyone, everything around us.

Inspirations will bring us beyond our limitations.

Inspire and be inspired!

Dreams and Delusions

Dreams and Delusions

‎'Dreams are delusions waiting to be transformed to reality by fiery passion and determination.'
Simple Bear 30.06.2011

Delusions, a term used by the common Man, as indicators of the presence of psychological or psychiatric issues. The German psychiatrist, Karl Jaspers defines three criteria for defining delusions, namely 1) Certainty, the strong conviction that an individual holds with regards to the belief 2) Incorrigibility, the insistence of the individual with regards to the belief despite the presence of contrary evidence or logical reasoning 3) Impossibility, the perceived falsity of the belief which is not acknowledged by others as reality.

I see dreams (in terms of personal ambitions) as having the three characteristics. I assumed the certainty of my dream happening in the near future, despite the current perceived obstacles that runs contrary to the realization of my dreams and I know my dreams are perceived by others as unrealistic and out of the world.

The difference between dreams and delusions, in the psychological sense is the ability to make it dreams a reality through motivational action and plan. I see all of us as magicians, making the seemingly impossible possible. Of course, skeptics will tend to say what if your dreams are proved to be personal delusions after all the time and effort. I say, trying to make your dreams come true is already a miracle in the making. You change yourself for the better in the process and that new, improved self is already a miracle. And sometimes, that change was a previously held delusion.

All of us are deluded to a certain extent; we believe what we want to believe, even though sometimes, such beliefs run contrary to others’ perceived reality or their notion of normative reality. If we are already deluded in the first place, then what are dreams? Just another delusion not accepted in the realm of delusions.

Being Human

Being Human

Sometimes, I refer to myself as a member of the species Ursidae as opposed to Hominidae. To me, it doesn’t make much difference. As much as we want to see our existence on this planet as unique, we are still the products of the evolution process. Primatologist Frans de Waal refers to humans (Homo sapiens) as the bipolar ape. We are capable of the worst aggression against our own kind and others and at the same time, capable of great compassion and empathy for them. Compared to our simian cousins, we tend to think that Humanity is superior. Superiority based on our perceived advantages in terms of cognitive ability inflated our egocentric Homo sapiens culture.

Are we truly superior?

In my humble opinion, we are not superior, just luckier as compared to other primates in terms of our cognitive ability in relation to our duality. Sitting on the bipolar continuum of aggression and compassion, we have the opportunity to consciously make a choice on our position during situations when our innate tendencies swing towards negativity.

Life is all about making choices.

And being human, I think, is about going beyond our inherent, evolutionary archaic tendencies in response to situational stimulus. The realization of the human potential is about being aware of our innate tendencies when they manifest as action-inducing thoughts and emotions, making conscious choices when our induced innate responses are perceived to be on the wrong side of the continuum. Distinctions between right and wrong, positive and negative seem to be necessary to deal with the equivocations of life.

Everyone is perceived to be unique and distinctive, even among humans.