Face to face with the ego(s)

Face to face with the ego(s)

Was I too sensitive? I wondered.

The speech and actions of these individuals seems to indicate a salient ego and the absence of empathy and compassion, the lack of the ability to take multiple perspectives other than well, one’s own.

A letter to MM

I was taken aback when you and your friend try to force your idea(s) on me, wanting me to compromise my integrity and lie to my friends to satisfy your egocentric desires. For the first time in a very long time, I felt like raising my paw and slap you right across the room, into the walls.

‘How dare you!’ The inner bear in me growl with fiery anger. I felt myself trembling with fear, fear of releasing the bear on you and your friend. It almost sapped all my mental strength to stop myself from being sucked into the emotional hurricane in that moment.

I decided, instead of taking out my fury on you, to drag my inner bear back to his cave, put on my best fake smile in response to your disgusting antics and walked away in silent.

Silence doesn’t mean agreement; it was to save myself from surrendering my psyche to the fiery infernus of my mind. Being friends of my friend doesn’t make you my friend. I felt hurt seriously empathically, knowing that you have the intention of lying to your close friend.

My mind was, in that moment of time disturbed. My mind was riddled by ripples made by the raining of the continuous repeat broadcasting of the negative emotions. It took some time before the rain stop and the stillness returns.

Now, I can sit down introspectively.

All that left now after the Pandora-ian unleashing of negativity were gratitude and compassion. Gratitude to the both of you for showing me the possible consequences if I don’t enhance my self-awareness; gratitude to the both of you for giving me examples not to learn from and the possibility of the dire consequences of negative thoughts and emotions felt by others if ever I show my egocentric side. Gratitude to all my good friends, teachers and all those sentient beings who had kindly assisted and taught me in my journey of self-discovery, allowing me to realize my mistakes and improve myself.

Compassion for my friend who is well, your close friend and he face the possibility of you, lying to him, may he have the strength and courage to understand and forgive you when the time comes. Compassion for you and your friend, may you two meet with good friends and teachers who can help you realize your flaws and improve on them.

We will be meeting again soon and hopefully I can show more compassion and empathy towards you and your friend.

*Silent prayers.

With metta,

Simple Bear 30.12.2011.