Happiness, not an entitlement

"When one feels entitled to happiness, one loses happiness."
Simple Bear

Time for one of Uncle Bear's uncle stories.

Went to Fortune Centre to have my dinner this evening, placed my bag on a seat next to an empty seat and went to order my food. While I was waiting for my food, a family of five came in (mother, three children and a maid) looking for seats and I can sense frustration in the mother of the family. I offered to give up my seats so they can have four seats (two tables side by side) and perhaps get another seat by sharing the table. The mother walked past me and said in an annoyed tone, "We have five people" as if she was entitled to the seats and I should have not even been there, with my bag on the seat.

I immediately focused within to detect any signs of anger. Once assured I was 'safe' from anger, I smiled and proceed to take my bag to look to share another table. The staff saw the incident and offered me a seat which was previously denied to the family. I declined and found myself sharing table with my ex colleague, a pleasant surprise. I had a great dinner and catch up.

I didn't regret giving up my seat for the family. Just felt a tinge of sadness for the mother of the family, maybe she was tired, maybe she was frustrated at something which happened earlier, but no matter what had happened prior, she had missed an opportunity to be happy.

Sometimes, unknowingly some of us felt entitled to certain things in life, and it extends beyond material things, to our expectations of others. We may think that things should be and should not be according to our expectations but more often of not, things turns out not to be congruent. We suffer due to the incongruity that we perceived. We are not happy.

Happiness is not an entitlement but a gift, which we can give to ourselves and others through kindness, love, compassion and patience. It's like during Christmas, children expects and wait for presents from Santa but Santa never came with presents. And we are disappointed, unhappy during the festive season. We expects, we loses. And we suffers.

When we don't feel the sense of entitlement, we may get pleasant surprises which we can be grateful for. And gratitude is perhaps, in my limited humble opinion, a great tool for engendering happiness for oneself and happiness for others through the support of kindness, love and compassion for others.

How do we immerse in gratitude in our lives? For me, it's diminishing the sense of entitlement, through the shrinking of the ego and the concept of I who seems to think otherwise.

I can't say I am good at this yet. But I know I will be perfect in it one day if I don't stop putting in the efforts to improve myself and realize my potential in the primordial goodness.

Grateful for the lady who gave me this opportunity to reflect and to have a good catch up with my ex colleague.

And yes Uncle Bear is longwinded.

May she and her family find happiness, and be well and happy.
May all be well and happy.

Loneliness

"Loneliness traps the unwilling, and imprisons the clinging."
Simple Bear 28.01.2015.

Have We Met?

Have We Met?

Have we met?
Familiarity arises
When our eyes met
In that crowded line
Perhaps not, in this I
Maybe prior to this disguise
Goodbye we say in our mind
As we both walk past by
Perhaps later in another disguise
When our eyes met
We will say hi

Inspired by an encounter I had earlier on when I met a stranger who thought I was someone she knew and I thought she was someone I knew and just when we both wanted to say hi, we realized we don't know each other.

Do you have the experience in which you think and feel that you know the stranger whom you are meeting for the first time?

Changing deja vu.

Changing deja vu.

A lot of us may experienced what we describe as an illusory feeling of familiarity of what may happen in the next few moments or throughout the day, we sometimes name the illusion of the re-emergence of the 'past experiences', deja vu.

Had a deja vu moment a few minutes ago while on my journey to my meeting. The feeling was unpleasant, I looked at it for a while, letting it stabilised and this thought came to my mind, now is the chance to make it better.

If the feeling of the deja vu 'future' is unpleasant, I wish to make it better; if I 'know' I am going to react with negativity, then I wish to react now in the future with kindness and compassion.

There is no need to go on the old path again and allowing yourself to be trapped in this merry-go-round. There, in the midst of the moment in awareness, is an opportunity to make it better. We may not be able to change the things from happening 'again' but we can change our reactions to it.

There is hope in awareness.

May all be well and happy.

Seeing beyond oneself

Seeing beyond oneself

Found myself having thoughts of irritation recently, for apathetic individuals who can't seem to see beyond themselves.

Experienced the once-familiar feelings of negativity, the tightening of the skin, the muscles and the increase in blood pressure.

In the midst of the physiological chaos that is churning within, it suddenly dawned on me that I was the one who had not see beyond myself.

I had judged them. I was the apathetic individual whom I was irritated at.

I was the foolish one.

And yes that mean I had a lot to work on.

Time to chip away at that old block of marble me.

Getting to like you

Getting to like you

Friend: "I feel like nobody likes me. I feel so lonely. I feel so unhappy. How do I get people to like me?"

Simple Bear: "Just be happy."

Friend: "I am trying to be happy and I am not now. If I am happy, I won't be asking you this question and you are telling me to be happy to get people to like me!"
 
Simple Bear: "Imagine if you are me right now, turn around and look at yourself, would you like yourself in this unhappy state or happy state?"
 
Friend: -_-!
 
Simple Bear::)

A Theory of Everything

Agonising.

This was how I felt during the entire movie. Not because the plot, the time or the acting weren't' good. In fact I think the acting and overall, the movie was pretty good.

So good that it causes me agony.

I empathise with Professor Hawking.

I empathise with his initial depressive resignation to fate when he was given the prediction of two years when he was diagnosed with the disease.

I empathise with his despair and paradoxically, his fiery determination not to be a burden to his family when his condition worsens after he got his doctorate, struggling on the stairs in his apartment.

I empathise with him and at the same time, with his wife, Jane who was struggling and almost at her limits to be a caregiver after years as a dutiful wife and falling in love with another man.

It was trial in the day and judgement, in the night. The struggles of Professor Hawking and Jane had nearly made me want to walk out of the cinema. The mind understands but the heart is in denial. It was just too much pain to bear. The pain of losing each other and also, oneself.

No matter how much pain it is, no matter how much tears it cost, we need to let it go out of love for each other and also, for oneself.

At the end of the day, it was what was left in Pandora's box which saves him from dying before death.

"However bad life may seem, there is always something you can do, and succeed at. While there's life, there is hope."
Dr Stephen Hawking

And I totally concur with him on this.

A painful yet inspirational movie.

Compassionate? Really?

Compassionate? Really?

Months ago, I wrote a post about my reflection about being hit on the shoulders by a lady who seems to be mentally disturbed and I had experienced what we may think of, normatively as verbal abuse from her.

I met the lady and her mother again this morning, at the bus stop.

The moment I saw her, this thought arises in me, was there any 'residues' of the past incident left in my mind?

A lot of times, we may claim to be compassionate and hold no grudges against others whom others think, wronged us. And we truly (mentally) believe in ourselves being compassionate and being able to let the incident go but is that really the case?

Was there any 'residues' of anger, of fear, of insecurity which lie dormant in us? Waiting for the right conditions for it to take over us? I turned my attention within in search of it.

I was lucky. There was no anger towards and no fear of the lady. Assured of my little 'victory' over myself, I turned my attention towards the lady.

And we both smiled.

Grateful for the conditions for this reflection.

May she and her mother be well and happy.

Moral Goodness

"Moral goodness is the result of habit."
Aristotle

The philosopher posits that happiness is the goal of all man and that virtuous activities are the determinants of our happiness. Therefore, in order to experience happiness, there is a need to cultivate good habits.

May all have a good happy weekend ahead. For those who have not start with cultivation of good habits, now is a good time to start meeting the goal (as postulated by Aristotle) of all.

May all be well and happy.

Being Wronged and Doing Wrong

"One must not do wrong even when one is wronged."
Socrates

A great philosopher left his disciples with these words as he faced with what others perceived as an unjust death, with gratitude and acceptance.

Reflection on the Thailand Trip

Reflection on the Thailand Trip

"Happiness is making the best out of the conditions that you have."
Simple Bear 10.01.2014.

One of the most striking things about the Thai people that I encountered in Bangkok, Thailand is the resilience that I see in them, working hard to make their lives better regardless of the conditions that they have.

I took a photo of a little young girl managing a fried fish ball stall on my first day in Bangkok, Thailand. The little boss of the fish ball stall is probably around 13 years of age and she impressed me with her politeness, confidence and silent resilience that I felt when I saw her.

Maybe it's her age, maybe it's the silent strength of resilience that I felt from her. I couldn't help but to reflect on it. When we complained about the not so optimal conditions of the roadside stalls, the refusal of the stall owners to reduce prices, fatigue from shopping etc, we forgotten to be grateful for the good conditions for us to be tourists in their countries, to have the financial means to travel and buy what we like.

A sense of shame arose in me. There is so much more that I have.

I see beggars on the streets of Bangkok, the bridges, the stairs, outside the malls and all I can do for them is a silent wish that they will have better conditions in the future, for the relief and eradication of sufferings.

A good trip of good food, shopping and also a trip to help remind myself of gratitude.

May all be well, healthy and happy.

I Choose

A good reminder on a Monday!

"I Choose…
to live by choice, not by chance;
to make changes, not excuses;
to be motivated, not manipulated;
to be useful, not used;
to excel, not to compete.

I choose self-esteem, not self-pity.
I choose to listen to my inner voice,
Not the random opinion of others.
I choose to be me."
Miranda Marrott

Size does matter

Size does matter

"The bigger you get, the easier it is to suffer."
Simple Bear 01.01.2015.

The resolution for the new year is to make myself smaller. First I need to realise how big I am

Training not to see I but we

"In Buddhism, we train not to see you and I; we train to see we."
Venerable Thubten Chodron

Grateful to be able to end the first day of the new year with a Dharma talk by Venerable Thubten Chodron.

Thank you everyone who made it possible especially my friend, Lim Wah Teck who asked me to go along for the Dharma talk.

May we have the good conditions to encounter, practice, understand and experience the Dharma.