A Theory of Everything

Agonising.

This was how I felt during the entire movie. Not because the plot, the time or the acting weren't' good. In fact I think the acting and overall, the movie was pretty good.

So good that it causes me agony.

I empathise with Professor Hawking.

I empathise with his initial depressive resignation to fate when he was given the prediction of two years when he was diagnosed with the disease.

I empathise with his despair and paradoxically, his fiery determination not to be a burden to his family when his condition worsens after he got his doctorate, struggling on the stairs in his apartment.

I empathise with him and at the same time, with his wife, Jane who was struggling and almost at her limits to be a caregiver after years as a dutiful wife and falling in love with another man.

It was trial in the day and judgement, in the night. The struggles of Professor Hawking and Jane had nearly made me want to walk out of the cinema. The mind understands but the heart is in denial. It was just too much pain to bear. The pain of losing each other and also, oneself.

No matter how much pain it is, no matter how much tears it cost, we need to let it go out of love for each other and also, for oneself.

At the end of the day, it was what was left in Pandora's box which saves him from dying before death.

"However bad life may seem, there is always something you can do, and succeed at. While there's life, there is hope."
Dr Stephen Hawking

And I totally concur with him on this.

A painful yet inspirational movie.

We are all Maleficent

We are all Maleficent

Just watched Maleficent, the twist to the classic Disney story, Sleeping Beauty, on the big screen just now. The story was interesting and it engendered some thoughts about it, especially with regards to its relevancy to my life.

*Warning: There maybe spoilers ahead. Continue if only if it is your own choice.

The Chinese classical text for children's education, the 三字经 starts with the verse, "人之初 性本善", kindness (or goodness) is man's original nature (pardon my limited English for the poor translation) and I find the verse expressed in the storyline, Maleficent was originally a kind, gentle young girl who wanted to do her best to protect her people (the Moors) against the greedy humans and then, as she grew up, she encountered Stefan, and love grew inside her, along with love's companion, expectations. And although, she was bitter with hatred and anger, she soften, returning bit by bit to her original nature of being the kind Maleficent that she once was because of the kindness and love of Aurora, the Sleeping Beauty. Maleficent's original nature was obstructed by the hatred and anger, just like us and (at least to me), the compassion and kindness of others can be inspirational and perhaps, essential for slowly tearing us away from the shadows of ignorance which blind us to our own compassion and kindness. I remembered the days of ignorant dependency on others for my happiness, and it is through the kindness of others shown to me and given to others which slowly brought me closer to myself. After being at the receiving end of others' kindness, can we too, be the condition which brings people closer to their original nature of goodness through expressions of our own goodness?

There is a Buddhist saying which I had used for as a constant reminder for myself, "不怕无明起，只怕觉照迟", fear, not the arising of ignorance, but the delayed awareness of it. Maleficent wasn't aware of the potential and actual hurt on Aurora and others, whom she loved until regrets set in as she was unable to reverse her own curse (which was in accordance with her intention when she cursed Aurora as an infant). Many-times, we get angry, frustrated at people, but are we able to catch ourselves in those moments of negativity and prevent ourselves from saying or doing anything, which we will regret later on in life. Like the curse by Maleficent, the consequences of our actions and speech are not reversible. I remembered there are a lot of times when I get angry and say or do things, of which I am immediately regretful once the awareness of the consequences set in. I can't take away the hurt that I caused, but I can prevent hurt to others in the future by training myself to be aware of it earlier, to catch myself in those early moments of stupidity. Do we want to continue, delaying our awareness of our follies and being regretful later on, through our lives?

Saw a friend's posting of a Buddhist saying on Facebook and it led me to the story, "一把无明火，烧掉功德林，一念瞋心起，八万障门开", a fire, born of ignorance, burns the forest of merits, a thought of anger, engenders the barriers (pardon my limited English and understanding). Maleficent, in her moment of anger, had 'burned' the past goodness that she had cultivated in the forest with the Moors and like the barriers of thorns which grew out of her anger, prevented her from experiencing happiness. A lot of times, we remember the moments in which a person is angry and does something foolish and perhaps, despite of his or her past deeds of kindness, those few moments of anger are more salient especially when you are at the receiving end of the anger. This moment of anger perhaps led to even more unhappiness, both in the person who was angry and the people who was at the receiving end of that anger. I remembered those times of anger and depression, which destroyed friendships and potential for happiness for myself and my friends was greatly diminished, as the effects of those angry moments lingered for quite a while later, accompanied by regrets and frustrations in those moments which followed. Do we want to experience those moments again, hurting ourself and others that we cared, due to this moment of anger, which we failed to be aware of?

Maleficent is just like us and we, are just like Maleficent. We made mistakes and we learn on this journey to happiness. As with most Disney stories, Maleficent and Aurora lived happily ever after. Maybe for me, I may not be able to live happily ever after, but I think if I continue to seek to improve myself, and maybe in this life, I maybe closer to the classic Disney ending than I am now.

Have a good night everyone. May all live happily ever after.

With Love
Simple Bear 02.06.2014.