Green Tea and a Shirt

Green Tea and a Shirt

“Sorry I am so sorry.” A lady in pants and shirt apologized profusely to me when she realized the green tea that she tried to throw away in the field beside hit me and my shirt was stained with the leftover green tea in the bottle.

“Never mind, it is ok.” I walked away, much to her relief (I think). I was more interested in the thoughts and emotions in response to the episode.  

Was there anger? Was there pain? Were there thoughts of ‘revenge’?

Yes, there was anger and revengeful thoughts for a split second. Yes there was pain. What was perhaps salient in the mind in the moments that followed were thoughts of Karuna (compassion); the lady was suffering from (a) anger, judging from the way she threw the bottle, it was as if she was venting off some negative emotions or thoughts and (b) fear, judging from her facial and body expressions when she realized she had hit me with the bottle. I may not be able to alleviate her suffering from anger but at least I can alleviate her suffering from fear as I walked away from her after the incident. Next were thoughts of Metta (loving-kindness); I hope she will be well and happy although I won’t be able to alleviate her suffering from anger, I hope she will find her way to be free from anger.

Then I turn the focus towards myself; where was the anger coming from? Where the anger went to? In the split second of anger that I was aware of, I was clinging on to the idea that the body is me, the shirt is mine; the act of hitting me with the bottle, spilling green tea on my shirt is an act of aggression towards this identity of me, an act of transgression on my property (shirt). The anger came from my mind not the mind and it ceases as it arises. The anger arises from this perceived assumed permanent existence which we call ‘I’. As long as 'I' exist, anger exists.

In the midst of the momentary experience, 'I' arose and ceased; so if 'I' is a phenomena which is subjected to arising and cessation; then do 'I' really exist as a permanent identity?; if anger, greed and the multitude of thoughts is 'I', then 'I', as with all those phenomenon, is impermanent (Annica).

If the self, the thoughts and affect is forever in a state of flux, what is there permanent to cling on to?

May all be well and happy.

With Metta,

Simple Bear 11.01.2013.