The Joy of ‘Reestablishment'

The Joy of ‘Reestablishment'

Have you ever wonder why sometimes we will take an instant dislike to an individual at first impression? Is it the salient features of the individual which trigger our negative schematic responses or is there another explanation to it.

What made each other ‘hate’ each other at first sight? In Buddhism, there is perhaps, a tendency to explain it in Karmic terms; there might have been prior negative karmic experience between the two individuals in previous existences. The present conditional milieu resulted in the utilization of negative karmic schemes hence prior negativity lead to the current ‘subconscious’ dislike of one another or only one party towards another.

What is important is not why it had happen (in the past) but what will happen (present and future). I always thought I will be more than happy to be given the opportunities to practice compassion and generosity whenever I encounter individuals who sell tissues on the street. However, today was a slightly different experience for me; I actually met one uncle who at first ‘impression’ did not inspire me to buy even a pack of tissue from him. I was surprised at my subconscious response, and the notion of previous negative karmic experience came to my mind as I was wondering about the causality of it.

I walked away at first and then, this thought arose in me, if the causality of this experience is due to previous karmic experience, then in this moment of time, I have the free will, the choice and opportunity to change it for the better, to reestablish good karmic link with the individual for future time to come. I decided at the point of time to walk over, gave him my coin, took a pack of tissue and thank him.

I walked away not only with a pack of tissue but another new perspective on the interdependency of individuals and a feeling of gratitude for (1) him for giving me the chance to reestablish good karmic link with him (2) myself for being aware and mindful of my subconscious response and doing the right thing and (3) for the various conditions that had come together to give to me the opportunity to do so.

If negative habitual tendencies are results of the past, we can make a conscious choice to change them, for we are creating new history every single moment of our lives; we do not necessarily need to follow the course of history, we create our own course and history with mindfulness, wisdom and compassion.

Now is history in the making.

May all be well and happy.

With metta,

Simple Bear 02.03.2012.

简单熊的爱情观: 一生一世

简单熊的爱情观: 一生一世

情 人节就快到了. 身边有很多朋友都为了这个节日而烦恼. 有情人的朋友为了送什么礼物, 去那家餐厅而烦. 有心仪对象的朋友为了如何开口邀约, 应该有什么浪漫惊喜而烦. 有些单身的朋友开派对, 希望象童话般的遇到让他们心动的对象. 也有一位友人说, 他当天放了工, 会赶回家, 只因街上的情人会让他感到伤感.

而当天的我, 一如往常, 工作读书.

曾有人问我的爱情观 是什么? 相不相信一生一世? 我说我的爱情观是一生一世, 而每一段爱情都是一生一世, 只因爱会因缘而起因缘而灭. 如果把爱情当成两人, 天时地利人和的缘而起的一个个体, 那爱情也会经过生(缘起), 老, 病, 死 (缘灭). 爱情经过时间与变化, 会老去, 从激情转为象亲人般温暖的爱情. 爱情有时会因不了解, 不体谅而发生不和的状态(生病). 当不和的状态无法取得和解, 这段爱情就会到了结尾(缘灭)的时候. 就算两人白头携老, 那爱情也会因两人的老去而结束(缘灭). 所以我说对我而言, 每一段爱情是独一无二, ‘一生一世’的.

说完, 我的友人一脸的不解地说 “那样的爱情不是很哲学化, 宗教化吗?”

我回: “非也, 非也.”

了 解了爱情的缘起缘灭, 我们才会努力, 尽力的去爱, 让这 ‘一生一世’ 的爱情轰轰烈烈, 刻骨铭心. 了解了这样的爱情会让我们更珍惜爱情. 人往往要在发现时间倒数的时候, 才会珍惜即将失去的一切, 这, 当然包括爱情. 但很多人没留意的是, 时间, 在爱情缘起时, 已经开始倒数了. 只因时间有限, 我们都应该好好的去爱自己所爱的人, 好好的去珍惜两人之间真挚的爱情. 也因为这样, 当我们都尽了最大的努力维持一段爱情, 在爱情缘灭时, 不要执着, 真心的去祝福他/她. 这样的‘一生一世’爱情, 真挚美丽, 无怨无悔.

我们也要因为了解 人生的缘起缘灭, 而去珍惜眼前的一切. 就算你最爱的情人对不起你, 做了不忠于你的事, 别把他/她的错与不忠, 来惩罚自己, 浪费了你的人生里已经在倒数的时间. 学会放开胸怀, 对他人的宽恕是对自己的仁慈. 好好的爱自己与爱你的人, 好好的把握时间, 珍惜一切, 活出精彩的人生.

这就是简单熊的爱情观.

我友人听完后, 点了点头, 微笑了.

希望朋友们都找到他们一生一世真挚的爱情. 情人节快乐!!!

‘爱情, 也是人生的缩影’

简单熊 爱情篇12.02.2012.

Face to face with the ego(s)

Face to face with the ego(s)

Was I too sensitive? I wondered.

The speech and actions of these individuals seems to indicate a salient ego and the absence of empathy and compassion, the lack of the ability to take multiple perspectives other than well, one’s own.

A letter to MM

I was taken aback when you and your friend try to force your idea(s) on me, wanting me to compromise my integrity and lie to my friends to satisfy your egocentric desires. For the first time in a very long time, I felt like raising my paw and slap you right across the room, into the walls.

‘How dare you!’ The inner bear in me growl with fiery anger. I felt myself trembling with fear, fear of releasing the bear on you and your friend. It almost sapped all my mental strength to stop myself from being sucked into the emotional hurricane in that moment.

I decided, instead of taking out my fury on you, to drag my inner bear back to his cave, put on my best fake smile in response to your disgusting antics and walked away in silent.

Silence doesn’t mean agreement; it was to save myself from surrendering my psyche to the fiery infernus of my mind. Being friends of my friend doesn’t make you my friend. I felt hurt seriously empathically, knowing that you have the intention of lying to your close friend.

My mind was, in that moment of time disturbed. My mind was riddled by ripples made by the raining of the continuous repeat broadcasting of the negative emotions. It took some time before the rain stop and the stillness returns.

Now, I can sit down introspectively.

All that left now after the Pandora-ian unleashing of negativity were gratitude and compassion. Gratitude to the both of you for showing me the possible consequences if I don’t enhance my self-awareness; gratitude to the both of you for giving me examples not to learn from and the possibility of the dire consequences of negative thoughts and emotions felt by others if ever I show my egocentric side. Gratitude to all my good friends, teachers and all those sentient beings who had kindly assisted and taught me in my journey of self-discovery, allowing me to realize my mistakes and improve myself.

Compassion for my friend who is well, your close friend and he face the possibility of you, lying to him, may he have the strength and courage to understand and forgive you when the time comes. Compassion for you and your friend, may you two meet with good friends and teachers who can help you realize your flaws and improve on them.

We will be meeting again soon and hopefully I can show more compassion and empathy towards you and your friend.

*Silent prayers.

With metta,

Simple Bear 30.12.2011.

Fallacy

Fallacy

Silently I lay, fatally wounded by my mortal arch enemy

Defeated, with the sword Fallacy plunged deep in my heart

I cried out in pain but no cries was heard, from the depths of Tartarus

Silence reign, it was the sound of life fading like the sands of an hourglass

Silently I lay, waiting for the moments of inanity to end silently

Simple Bear 21.11.2011.

My Experience with the Pinkerton Syndrome

My Experience with the Pinkerton Syndrome.

‘The freedom of self-expression should not be a mask for the oblivion or lack of situational awareness and introspective mindfulness.’
Simple Bear 05.09.2011.

‘All Singaporean men are useless’ a statement that was, in my own opinion, a sweeping statement that was discriminating, insensitive and egoistic especially when Singaporean men were among the audience.

I kept quiet but a non-response to the discriminating remarks doesn’t imply my concurrence but respect for the rights of individuals to hold differing views. It is normal for all of us to hold differentiating opinions with regards to certain issues that we feel strongly for. However, going a step further by manifesting prejudices in discriminating remarks in justification of personal inclinations is perhaps uncalled for. The egoistic expression of one’s personal inclinations indicated a lack of respect for others which I have to admit, had a hard time trying not to evince my revulsion for.

In the midst of all those negativity, there are a few questions that surfaced in my mind. First, the nature or nurture reasons behind the causation of the development of the dispositions that led to the expression of discriminations. I think the socio-cultural element of the Pinkerton Syndrome is a major nurture contributor to the growth of the stereotypical attitudes and prejudices of the individuals in their dispositional development, which of course, lead to the causation of the discrimination that I had perceived to have experienced. Experience with Singaporean men maybe another psychological-social factor that contributes to the Pinkerton Syndrome and vice versa, the Pinkerton Syndrome affect the perceived experience with Singaporean men.

Second, the possibility of personal or societal prejudices, stereotypes in the causation of my intrinsic responses towards the perceived experienced discrimination. The social identification of me as a Singaporean, Chinese man invokes, perhaps certain stereotypical attitudes and prejudices towards the perceived variant of the Pinkerton Syndrome which was apparent in my cognitive response towards the negative experience. In retrospection, my personal expectations of the respect towards others may play a part in the response too. In the heat of the moment, I was aware of the activation of self-serving attributions as a possible response and rationalization of the experience.

Third, the possibility of the perceived discriminating remarks as the result of a misjudgment and the intent was not as perceived. It was difficult for me to recognize the possibility of such a misjudgment and misinterpretation of the intent on my part. Maintenance of objectivity is almost non-existent in my cognition towards the experience, save for the element of meta-cognition and respect for individuals’ freedom of self-expression.

Personally, I have no problems with ladies holding such stereotypical views and personal inclinations towards other nationalities, my prior experience and relations with the ladies who held similar inclinations had so far been amicable. However, the verbal expression towards Singaporean men in the form of such blunt statements is discrimination. Looking at the other side of the coin, the individual may have negative experience with Singaporean men that resulted in the perceived variant of the Pinkerton Syndrome, and the perceived negative experience had cast a negative veil over future experiences, enhancing the individual’s negative cognitive appraisal of Singaporean men. Allowing empathy into the picture, I can understand and close this chapter on my experience with the Pinkerton Syndrome.

Social Comparisons and Reflections

‘Social comparisons are essential reminders for us to practice altruism, compassion and gratitude.’
Simple Bear 01.09.2011.

A Grateful Morning

I am…grateful

I decided to pen this entry to express my thanks to a stranger whom I met this morning at the MRT. Just want to say thank you to Uncle Song who had shared with me his story on the short trip to work. He may never know how much of an inspiration he was to me this morning but I just want to express my gratitude.

‘Uncle Song, thank you for inspiring me. Your determination to continue your walk in the path of life despite all the obstacles and difficulties that you faced reminded me of how lucky I am to be alive and well. May you be well and happy always.’

Sukki hontu,
A Grateful Bear