Happiness in the Now

Happiness in the Now

‘Don’t put off your happiness to the next moment because the next moment is never certain.’

Simple Bear 06.04.2012.

I guess when I put forward the statement, the ultimate goal of all is happiness, most, if not all of us will be in concurrence. The only difference for us all lies in the causality of happiness; what puts a smile on our faces? Is it the excitement that we felt when we kiss our partner for the first time? Is it the elation that we felt when we have the ability to fulfill our materialistic wants? Is it the warm, fuzzy feeling that we felt when we helped to bring a smile to those less fortunate. Happiness, is well, covers almost everything listed above and more.

Happiness, is cognitively and affectively semantic; we interpret the same ‘feel’ of the state of happiness differently, dependent on the current cognitive and affective states, situational conditions and experiences. If that is the case, what is happiness? Happiness, to me, is peace; the blissful affect which is accompanied by a state of cognitive stability. It is about being in a state of subjective equilibrium; being at ease with oneself, with the ‘universe’, with the absence of negative affect and thoughts. The notion of universe in this case, refers to the perceptive world that we live in; everyone from your family, your friends, your colleagues, the people on the streets, to the animals that you see. To me, at this point of time, being able to sit in solitude in a nice quiet cafe, sipping my black coffee and writing this blog entry on a nice cold morning, feeling the after-rain breeze on my face, is well happiness.

The focus of this blog entry is however, not what is happiness but how to perhaps in a way optimize happiness in our lives. It is not about the various methodologies to bring about happiness, we can find them in tons and tons of religious and self-help books. It is about not delaying the moments of happiness in our lives, putting them off to future moments when the future is uncertain. There are perhaps a lot of us, who holds on to the mentality that we need to study and work very hard in our teens and youths, in the hope of a better future ahead in our retirement; we may think that being in agony now is perfectly fine if we can enjoy the fruits of our labor in the future. I am not picking on this age-old mentality towards happiness, I am saying that in the midst of struggling with life now to bring about hope for the future, isn’t it better to enjoy little bits of happiness if the conditions allow it. I am not a hedonist and I am not encouraging the indulgence of pleasures, the gratification of desires at the expense of the future. My point is to find happiness in what we are doing right now for a better future; enjoy the little bits of happiness along the journey to well, the ‘ultimate happiness’ that all of us are working hard towards. It is about making the decision to accept happiness when favorable conditions present itself and not sacrificing the current conditions now for the happiness that is in the future which may or may not come to realize.

Z, my friend who is afraid of confessing his feelings to a girl he likes because he wishes to concentrate on his studies and career came to me for advice one day and I told him this, if there is a possibility that you may die the next moment, will you confess to her and accept the possibilities or will you concentrate on your studies. Both may bring about happiness but if the future is uncertain, we always choose the option that gives us perhaps a shot at happiness which is within reach. We always have the belief in the continuity of our present lives, the future is almost certain to come without perhaps considering the notion of impermanence. There will be changes which bring about impermanence and we are part of it, not in control of it; if we think that we can control the changes and the future is certain for us but the fact is the future is never certain. If tomorrow never comes, embrace happiness today. If we understand and embrace the notion of impermanence in our lives, we should treasure our lives, embrace happiness when the conditions arise, stop wasting time on unhappiness. When it is time to leave, we will leave with no regrets, knowing that we have optimized the moments of happiness in our lives.

The Buddha taught us that the length of life is only the span of a breath. Every breath counts, every breath is an opportunity for happiness.

May we all be reminded every moment to be grateful for what we have, bask in the happiness of self and others, compassion for others with less favorable conditions and be well and happy always.

In this way, perhaps, we can truly, gradually experience happiness.

With metta,

Simple Bear

The Dualism of Self and No-Self

The Dualism of Self and No-Self

‘What is there is transcend when there is nothing at all.’
Simple Bear

A few days ago, I was sharing with my friend, Brother Bear on how I think my ego always flare when I start sharing with others on my opinions and experiences and how I am trying to keep quiet, to minimize the opportunities for my ego to express itself. It was difficult trying to rein in the ego, trying to be aware of and discipline it by putting it in unfavorable conditions for expression. On retrospect, this was not a good methodology to adopt and I was finding myself trapped in a rut, unable to come to terms with reducing my ego, the sense of self in daily life, the reconciliation between the notions of self and no-self. I realized after contemplation that I have been, all these while, trying to understand no-self from a self perspective; by trying to transcend the state of self to the state of non-self, I have allowed myself to submit to the habitual tendency of acknowledging the existence of the self. When I perceive that there is a state of self to be transcended, I am acknowledging the perceived existence of the self a priori to the notion of no-self; the perception that there is a state of no-self beyond that of, the state of self. The reason behind my dukkha is perhaps engendered by the possibility perceptions that I was holding, the concept of no-self without letting go of the concept of self; thinking of them as two separate entities when they are all but one, dualistic.

Perhaps, by accepting, understanding and experiencing no-self as a priori reality to the rising of the perceived state of self due to amalgamation of various conditions, we can truly progress towards the pinnacle of spiritual cultivation. It is not easy to accept and understand as the mere notion of no-self shakes the foundation of our very existence; if we truly don’t exist as we, then who are we, what are we? What is the functionality of understanding no-self in relation to our basic, primitive, strong belief in the notion of self? The moment that we are objectively and subjectively aware of ourselves, respectively as a physical, visual and sensorial entity in relation to external and internal stimuli, the self is already perceived to exist, a schematic apparatus to understand and make sense of the stimuli that is in constant interactions with the consciousness. This notion of self lays the foundation of the world, the society that we live in; to put it in abstract terms, the notion of self is the world. When we looked into a mirror, we recognize ourselves visually as us; likewise, the society that we live in is a bigger mirror, we recognize ourselves in the society, consciously, as us.

If no-self exist in self and self exist in no-self in the mind, then what is the state that we are trying to transcend? When reality is really nothingness, then what the state of self and no-self are we talking about? There are no a priori or a posteriori realities, those do not exist, reality alone does. Perhaps by recognizing the dualism of self and no-self, we can truly, reach perhaps happiness as a self in no-self; diminution of the ego in our everyday lives, we can learn to be more compassionate and loving to the people around us, we can accept impermanence and change, reducing dukkha in our everyday lives. That perhaps in an existential point of view, is more important in making the mind a happy place to live in as I.

‘Let us grow up even if we cannot wake up.’
Wei Wu Wei

Simple Bear 05.04.2012.

P.S: Perhaps one day I can truly accept, understand and experience anatta (no-self), in the meanwhile I can only appreciate it intellectually and use it to achieve happiness as self.

Awareness and a Mundane Me –An Introspective Account of a Hibernating Bear

Awareness and a Mundane Me –An Introspective Account of a Hibernating Bear

Mindfulness, awareness of the mind which is beyond metacognition, the basic awareness about your thoughts and affect; mindfulness, in a personal experiential perspective, is awareness of your thoughts and affect, the origination, and the effects of the conscious or subconscious driven behavior, responses towards salient conditional stimuli in the immediate environmental milieu.

Question: “Do you know what are you doing?”

I am pretty sure many people including me will not hesitate to say yes; thinking that if we are aware of the thoughts that arise and verbal and physical behaviors in response to stimuli, we are well aware of ourselves; I concur with the awareness aspect but awareness in this example is not mindfulness.

Question: “Do you know why are you doing this / that?”

One may think that the reason for the actions as in the ‘why’ lies in the thoughts and the origination of the thoughts lies in the interactionism process between the individual and the environmental conditions; that ‘what’, in the individual that induce the arising of the thoughts in response to the environmental conditions. Bring the awareness of the thoughts deeper into the mind, and one may find what many people term as ‘self’, a sense of ‘being’. The ‘self’ that allows the individual to identify himself or herself in the mundane world that we exist in.

In the first two months of hibernation, an understanding of the mind began to surface in the midst of the chaotic conditions that prompt the hibernation. I began to understand a little of the limitations of the mind in understanding others, and the normative perspective that we have, thinking that we can understand others, but the elements of the ‘mind’ that we understand of others are the normative elements, the commonality created by a community of minds for the purpose of bonding and the creation of the society, the perspective state of the external mundane world that we think we live in. We are like two irregular shaped galaxies; no matter how much we try to come together, in the common space of a mental space, we can’t completely unite in the common space as the shape of us, the galaxies are different. If we can't unite mentally, how can we profess to others, to ourselves that we understand others; for example, a common cultural understanding of the definition of a word doesn’t correspond to the experiential schematic understanding of the word. In other words, we are totally unique and different as a whole.

Applying this understanding of the mind, I finally come to terms with my interpersonal experiences; expectations, even when communicated seems to fail just because there can never be ‘true’ understanding of one another. However, this is not to imply that we should force ourselves not to have any expectations; the purpose of expectations on oneself is to motivate one to excel but when conjuring expectations of others, one must take note of the limitations, he or she may not understand the expectations completely in terms of one’s understanding of the expectations, and also, the influence of other confounds such as the individual’s experiences and priorities in life in the current moment. Hence, one must be compassionate towards others when they can’t meet up to one’s expectations; this situation also offers the opportunity to, first, examine the reasons for the expectations, is it egoistic or altruistic, second, if it is altruistic, then how can one help others to achieve the expectations in the hope of improving themselves.

In interpersonal relationships, we often have expectations of others; however, just as we expect our loved ones to understand us, they too, expect us to understand them. Have we tried to understand them? If we didn’t, how can we then expect them to understand us. Of course, this is a very delicate, subjective situation; a good relationship requires both individuals to be equally mindful and compassionate towards one another. I am glad to come to terms with my previous intimate relationship with this understanding of the mind and hopefully apply to all other interpersonal relationships, current and future-to-come.

‘Mindfulness is not of the past or future; it is of the present.’

Simple Bear 18.03.2012.

Another learning point that I learned over the past two months is that mindfulness is essential in cultivation of compassion and loving kindness through the practice of gratitude towards oneself and others; I have mentioned earlier on in my blog entry ‘The Joy of Reestablishment’, the awareness of the origination and the negative thoughts and affect in response to conditional stimuli and the motivation to establish good karmic connectivity in the absence of it in relating to others in this world. The practice of gratitude has been well documented in positive psychology as a methodology to enhance the happiness index of individuals; the increase in experiencing of joy in daily life when gratitude is instilled as a practice.

In the midst of evaluating my results over these two months of hibernation, I detected troubling signs of confusion; first, when I am aware of the negative thoughts such as judgmental perspectives and negativity affect, I tend to put down oneself as incompetent in my practice; second, when I see others indulging in their egoistic notion of thoughts, other than empathy, I felt sometimes, helpless and sometimes, disgusted with the state of minds, at this point of time, I am aware that judgment has been passed again on them by my mind. I gradually stopped sharing my understanding to others, even when some asked for my advice, they may be able to understand normatively what I shared but they are unable to accept them, resistance by their preconceptions. I was slowly, deviating away from the normative aspects of being a member of the society, hoping to live perhaps, a recluse life away from them. That option, to me, is not an option. I have my obligations as a son, a brother to my parents and siblings. There is always this aspect of the capitalistic society that we live in that prohibits the renunciation of mundane life.

Perhaps having a sense of, and accepting the mundane world and the obligations of a member of the society helps in the balancing of the spiritual and mundane life. This balancing act, together with the cultivation of non-self, reduction of the ego is perhaps what I need to work on in the second phase of my hibernation. I have fallen too deep in the dark abyss in the name of spirituality, neglecting my mundane life and it is time for me to get a better sense of the world that I live in, fulfilling my potential as a member of the society, enhance my mindfulness, and hopefully reduce the perspective existence of ego in my life.

It is time for me to start the second phase of my hibernation, with the emphasis on mindfulness and understanding the notion of non-self through the reducing of ego in daily life. I called this hibernation phase, Operation Fallen Angel.

May all be well and happy

With metta,

Simple Bear 18.03.2012.

The Joy of ‘Reestablishment'

The Joy of ‘Reestablishment'

Have you ever wonder why sometimes we will take an instant dislike to an individual at first impression? Is it the salient features of the individual which trigger our negative schematic responses or is there another explanation to it.

What made each other ‘hate’ each other at first sight? In Buddhism, there is perhaps, a tendency to explain it in Karmic terms; there might have been prior negative karmic experience between the two individuals in previous existences. The present conditional milieu resulted in the utilization of negative karmic schemes hence prior negativity lead to the current ‘subconscious’ dislike of one another or only one party towards another.

What is important is not why it had happen (in the past) but what will happen (present and future). I always thought I will be more than happy to be given the opportunities to practice compassion and generosity whenever I encounter individuals who sell tissues on the street. However, today was a slightly different experience for me; I actually met one uncle who at first ‘impression’ did not inspire me to buy even a pack of tissue from him. I was surprised at my subconscious response, and the notion of previous negative karmic experience came to my mind as I was wondering about the causality of it.

I walked away at first and then, this thought arose in me, if the causality of this experience is due to previous karmic experience, then in this moment of time, I have the free will, the choice and opportunity to change it for the better, to reestablish good karmic link with the individual for future time to come. I decided at the point of time to walk over, gave him my coin, took a pack of tissue and thank him.

I walked away not only with a pack of tissue but another new perspective on the interdependency of individuals and a feeling of gratitude for (1) him for giving me the chance to reestablish good karmic link with him (2) myself for being aware and mindful of my subconscious response and doing the right thing and (3) for the various conditions that had come together to give to me the opportunity to do so.

If negative habitual tendencies are results of the past, we can make a conscious choice to change them, for we are creating new history every single moment of our lives; we do not necessarily need to follow the course of history, we create our own course and history with mindfulness, wisdom and compassion.

Now is history in the making.

May all be well and happy.

With metta,

Simple Bear 02.03.2012.

简单熊的爱情观: 一生一世

简单熊的爱情观: 一生一世

情 人节就快到了. 身边有很多朋友都为了这个节日而烦恼. 有情人的朋友为了送什么礼物, 去那家餐厅而烦. 有心仪对象的朋友为了如何开口邀约, 应该有什么浪漫惊喜而烦. 有些单身的朋友开派对, 希望象童话般的遇到让他们心动的对象. 也有一位友人说, 他当天放了工, 会赶回家, 只因街上的情人会让他感到伤感.

而当天的我, 一如往常, 工作读书.

曾有人问我的爱情观 是什么? 相不相信一生一世? 我说我的爱情观是一生一世, 而每一段爱情都是一生一世, 只因爱会因缘而起因缘而灭. 如果把爱情当成两人, 天时地利人和的缘而起的一个个体, 那爱情也会经过生(缘起), 老, 病, 死 (缘灭). 爱情经过时间与变化, 会老去, 从激情转为象亲人般温暖的爱情. 爱情有时会因不了解, 不体谅而发生不和的状态(生病). 当不和的状态无法取得和解, 这段爱情就会到了结尾(缘灭)的时候. 就算两人白头携老, 那爱情也会因两人的老去而结束(缘灭). 所以我说对我而言, 每一段爱情是独一无二, ‘一生一世’的.

说完, 我的友人一脸的不解地说 “那样的爱情不是很哲学化, 宗教化吗?”

我回: “非也, 非也.”

了 解了爱情的缘起缘灭, 我们才会努力, 尽力的去爱, 让这 ‘一生一世’ 的爱情轰轰烈烈, 刻骨铭心. 了解了这样的爱情会让我们更珍惜爱情. 人往往要在发现时间倒数的时候, 才会珍惜即将失去的一切, 这, 当然包括爱情. 但很多人没留意的是, 时间, 在爱情缘起时, 已经开始倒数了. 只因时间有限, 我们都应该好好的去爱自己所爱的人, 好好的去珍惜两人之间真挚的爱情. 也因为这样, 当我们都尽了最大的努力维持一段爱情, 在爱情缘灭时, 不要执着, 真心的去祝福他/她. 这样的‘一生一世’爱情, 真挚美丽, 无怨无悔.

我们也要因为了解 人生的缘起缘灭, 而去珍惜眼前的一切. 就算你最爱的情人对不起你, 做了不忠于你的事, 别把他/她的错与不忠, 来惩罚自己, 浪费了你的人生里已经在倒数的时间. 学会放开胸怀, 对他人的宽恕是对自己的仁慈. 好好的爱自己与爱你的人, 好好的把握时间, 珍惜一切, 活出精彩的人生.

这就是简单熊的爱情观.

我友人听完后, 点了点头, 微笑了.

希望朋友们都找到他们一生一世真挚的爱情. 情人节快乐!!!

‘爱情, 也是人生的缩影’

简单熊 爱情篇12.02.2012.

Face to face with the ego(s)

Face to face with the ego(s)

Was I too sensitive? I wondered.

The speech and actions of these individuals seems to indicate a salient ego and the absence of empathy and compassion, the lack of the ability to take multiple perspectives other than well, one’s own.

A letter to MM

I was taken aback when you and your friend try to force your idea(s) on me, wanting me to compromise my integrity and lie to my friends to satisfy your egocentric desires. For the first time in a very long time, I felt like raising my paw and slap you right across the room, into the walls.

‘How dare you!’ The inner bear in me growl with fiery anger. I felt myself trembling with fear, fear of releasing the bear on you and your friend. It almost sapped all my mental strength to stop myself from being sucked into the emotional hurricane in that moment.

I decided, instead of taking out my fury on you, to drag my inner bear back to his cave, put on my best fake smile in response to your disgusting antics and walked away in silent.

Silence doesn’t mean agreement; it was to save myself from surrendering my psyche to the fiery infernus of my mind. Being friends of my friend doesn’t make you my friend. I felt hurt seriously empathically, knowing that you have the intention of lying to your close friend.

My mind was, in that moment of time disturbed. My mind was riddled by ripples made by the raining of the continuous repeat broadcasting of the negative emotions. It took some time before the rain stop and the stillness returns.

Now, I can sit down introspectively.

All that left now after the Pandora-ian unleashing of negativity were gratitude and compassion. Gratitude to the both of you for showing me the possible consequences if I don’t enhance my self-awareness; gratitude to the both of you for giving me examples not to learn from and the possibility of the dire consequences of negative thoughts and emotions felt by others if ever I show my egocentric side. Gratitude to all my good friends, teachers and all those sentient beings who had kindly assisted and taught me in my journey of self-discovery, allowing me to realize my mistakes and improve myself.

Compassion for my friend who is well, your close friend and he face the possibility of you, lying to him, may he have the strength and courage to understand and forgive you when the time comes. Compassion for you and your friend, may you two meet with good friends and teachers who can help you realize your flaws and improve on them.

We will be meeting again soon and hopefully I can show more compassion and empathy towards you and your friend.

*Silent prayers.

With metta,

Simple Bear 30.12.2011.

Fallacy

Fallacy

Silently I lay, fatally wounded by my mortal arch enemy

Defeated, with the sword Fallacy plunged deep in my heart

I cried out in pain but no cries was heard, from the depths of Tartarus

Silence reign, it was the sound of life fading like the sands of an hourglass

Silently I lay, waiting for the moments of inanity to end silently

Simple Bear 21.11.2011.