Awareness is a Blessing

“For every minute you remain angry, you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

I had a painful and yet peaceful journey home from school. I overheard the conversation of a mother and daughter on the bus which brought me both pain and peace.

I was discussing with my classmate on the assignment on the bus when I heard an angry shouting voice, which was reciprocated by another angry voice. I can’t really hear the entire conversation but I am pretty sure it was a verbal war coated with negative emotions, waged by a mother and daughter, who seemed to be slightly mentally-challenged. Everyone near them seems to shun away from them. My classmate aligned the bus shortly after and I found myself starting to concentrate on the voices.

In the midst of hearing the angry voices, I suddenly found myself swept by a melancholic feeling; it was as if I am feeling their pain that is present in their angry words, the tone of voice and the choice of words. Perhaps, this is their way of communicating love for one another and maybe it is their way of feeling alive, like how we sometimes, indulge in sorrow in exchange for the awareness of our beating hearts.

As I quieten my mind, being aware of the painful emotional sensation that I am feeling, this thought came to my mind, may they be well and happy, may they find love in their hearts and may they find gentleness in their words. As if by instinct, I slowly adjusted my posture on my seat, slowly closing my eyes, relaxing my entire body and focusing on my breath. Slowly, the thoughts arises, may they be well and happy, may they find love in their hearts, may they find gentleness in their words; metaphorically, trying to ‘send’ the loving-kindness to them. Hoping that the pain that I am feeling from them slowly stop, I could still hear them shouting. It did, after a while, replaced by a warm sensation, a feeling of peace, a feeling of being at ease. A feeling of just, simply being.

I don’t know how many minutes had passed but these thoughts arises after a while, ‘how lucky I am to be aware of my thoughts, my emotions, my sensations, how lucky I am to be able to go beyond myself, how lucky I am to be able to immerse myself in this stream of wholesome thoughts.’ A feeling of gratitude flows over me. We can’t take the basic awareness of ourselves for granted. Even awareness of oneself is a blessing, a gift.

I stayed immersed in that warm feeling for a while and other thoughts began to arise, ‘are they aware that they are angry? Are they able to go beyond their anger, adopt other perspectives to the situation that they are in, considering?’ A feeling of pain and sadness came over me.

The shouting slowly reduced over the duration of the journey. As I was aligning (they were seated near the door), I was looking at them and this thought arises in my mind, may they find peace in their hearts, may they find happiness, may they be well and happy.

I aligned the bus and walked home from the bus stop with peace in my heart. I am grateful to them for being the conditions that brought me peace, may they have the conditions to induce peace in their hearts, embraced peace and may their hearts be at peace.

May all be well and happy

Love,

Simple Bear 22.08.2013.

P.S. I know it’s a very long post but I feel like sharing this tonight :P

Disappointments, diamonds of reflections

Disappointments, diamonds of reflections

A friend once post me the question of whether or not I felt disappointed with others. Of course I was disappointed with people from time to time but at the same time, I am grateful to them for disappointing me, they provided me with great opportunities to understand myself, to experience the happiness within the affective and cognitive chaos which arises as accompaniment to disappointments. Life is truly a great teacher.

Simple Bear 12.06.2013.

Compassion for one and others

Compassion for one and others

Friend: Got a question to ask you, how do you deal with arrogant, uncivilized idiots?
Simple Bear: Be a compassionate gentleman.
Friend: What! Are you serious? It got to be an eye for an eye. 
Simple Bear: If that is the case, you become the very thing you detest.
Friend: '

Simple Bear 09.07.2013.

Humble and Grateful

It is beyond 12 midnight now.

Tired from work and activities today, I was finding it difficult to decide between catching up on sleep before waking up again 6 hours later for work or to sit down and pen my reflection for sharing on Facebook.

Episode 1: Humbled by Humility

I was having a can of coffee during work this morning and there was this uncle on a bicycle who suddenly stopped beside me. As I was wondering why he chose to stop beside me, sensing my confusion, my colleague told me that he is collecting the can for money and he is waiting for me to finish my drink. I quickly finished my drink and gave the can to him. As I was placing the can in the big basket on his bicycle, I noticed his non-normative expressions which lead to my assumptions that he maybe intellectually challenged. What happened next may happen frequently in our lives but it had an impact on me today. He smiled and thanked me profusely for giving him the can; from his facial expressions, his voice, I can feel his sincerity, his gratitude, his humility. My tears were threatening to gush from my eyes. It was a feeling of being appreciated, especially for an action that we may perceive to be insignificant. I was both ashamed and humbled by his response. That moment made my work and volunteering in the social service sector worthwhile.

Episode 2: Compassion for Anger

I was in the midst of my work tending to my booth in the MRT station when this middle-aged lady suddenly demanded that I let her pass to the farecard top-up machine on the other side of my booth. As I was deciding on an appropriate response to her as my work station is filled with stuff, she suddenly become irritated and bulldozed her way through my booth, and started to insult me by calling me stupid loudly. In that moment, I felt as if time had stopped for a short while, I could feel my muscles becoming tighter, my blood pressure increasing etc physiological signs, which I recognize as the manifestations of anger.

Anger, is a sign that we are being threatened by something or someone. In this case, my sense of self or ego was threaten by her insults and my body was getting ready to defend the ego against the threat. However, as I was deciding on my response, another cognition arises, the thought of compassion; she was suffering due to anger. My colleagues too, were shocked by her unreasonable demand and of her actions. I turned to them and said, let her be, we should have compassion for her, she is moving further away from happiness in that moment; she is suffering.

We should have compassion for her, as in that moment, she is consumed by negativity, and by responding to her with anger, we are only increasing her suffering. We should have compassion for ourselves, by not responding to her insults in anger; we have a choice and don't need to immerse ourselves in the quicksand of anger.

I am grateful to the both of them, they taught me humility and compassion. I know there is a long way before I reached my destination, but I think it is alright, at least now I think I am heading in the right direction (hopefully).

Apologies for the long status update but I felt the need to share this. May all be well and happy.

With Metta and Karuna
Simple Bear 13.07.2013.

Sailing Home

Sailing Home
"Tie me like Odyssey on the voyage home
For the tempting triplets of the Sirens are calling me
From the depths of the raging waters of Tartarus
Waiting, for me to submit and become one of the fallen
Bounded, I listen to their melodious enchantments
But not joining the ranks of the fallen in the shadows
The Sirens shall shriek in despair at my determination
Till I rode the west wind home"
Simple Bear 17.07.2013.

Time, Life

Time, Life



"Time is cruel reminder of life."
Simple Bear 23.07.2013.

The Past

The Past



"Don't shun the past; for it provides guidance for the present and reference for the future."
Simple Bear 17.07.2013.