Life in the eyes of a Bear

Embracing Vulnerability

“Remember: the time you feel lonely is the time you most need to be by yourself. Life's cruelest irony.”
Douglas Coupland

The words of Canadian novelist Douglas Coupland rings in my mind. How well do we embrace the possibilities of physical, emotional and mental solitude? Does acknowledging loneliness make us emotionally and mentally vulnerable? Is there a part of us that attempts to deny this vulnerability of ours?

A few messages from a friend set my mind on contemplation of loneliness, my attitude towards this human conceptualization of solitude. Previously, I wrote quite a fair bit on being alone but not lonely, about breaking free from this social demand of companionship as an essential component of happiness; one can be lonely when accompanied and not lonely when alone.

Did I really embraced that notion of contentment in solitude? Was there any possibilities that there is a small part of me, of my heart that is still vulnerable to this social notion of loneliness? I began to reflect on the recent past, was there any subconscious signs of frustration and discontentment, indicative of a yearning to fulfill this social norm of companionship?

And the result? Yes I did.

I wasn't disappointed or angry at myself for having those human emotions of pain and dissatisfaction. To say the truth, I was glad that I had felt this way. I wasn't 'emotionally disconnected'. The experiencing of the emotions have their utility, first, they are an indication of there are really perhaps certain memories, aspects of myself which led to the engendering of these emotions that I wasn't aware of, and second, these are areas which I need to work on, on the road to having happiness in the sea of change.

I embraced the emotions, the possibilities of the arising and cessation of the emotions. And the embracing and acknowledgement of these emotions induced by the social conception of loneliness does make me feel vulnerable but this is what makes us human, isn't it? There is no need to deny these emotions but there is also no need to indulge in them. Acknowledging our vulnerabilities doesn't make us become lamb chops to the wolves, in contrast the awareness of those vulnerabilities is a first step to becoming stronger both emotionally and mentally through understanding ourselves, the reasons for our vulnerabilities and having the awareness and strength to work through them, to become stronger with time.

Some of us feel lonely and attempt to satisfy this 'hungry' condition of ours by placing expectations on others. What we often get in return for our dependency and expectations are disappointments and the worsening of the condition. Indulge in satisfying loneliness is like trying to fill a black hole, you understand nothing about it and eventually, you are decimated by loneliness itself.

And for some of us, we attempt to deny the existence of loneliness and and attempt to hide behind rationality, theories and like the hydra, you cut off one head with the sword of rationality and two more hideous heads grow from the wound that we cut off. To destroy the 'hydra', we need to understand its Achilles heel, the reasons for vulnerability that are within us. Unless we have the courage to descend into the Tartarus of our mind and deal with the hellish horrors, we can never experience the bliss of the light. And the hydra will always be waiting, for an opportunity to rear one of its ugly heads and drag you into the darkness.

And as for me, I am dealing with it in my Simple Bear way, smiling at the dreadful past, the pain and tears, bringing little pockets of light slowly into the darkness of the abyss. I am clearer about my priorities, the life I am going to live, well at least momentarily.

There is nothing to fear about loneliness, about feeling vulnerable; what is to be feared is the lack of awareness and understanding of the causality of loneliness within us.

With awareness and understanding, it is as if we have the thread of Ariadne in the Cretan Labyrinth; without awareness and understanding, it is as if we are trapped in the Cretan Labyrinth, waiting with fear for the Minotaur of Loneliness to devour us.

Well of course, having said all of the above, what do I know of loneliness? I know nothing. These are just my opinions. It is up to us to experience and understand it ourselves.

May all be well and happy. May all have peace in their hearts.

With Love and Kindness
Simple Bear 10.01.2014.

Life in the eyes of a Bear

Friday, February 7, 2014

动

Embracing Vulnerability

Embracing Vulnerability

寻

Knowing Nothing

缺点

觉照

庸人自扰之