Unexpected
It was not what I expected.
I looked at her 'grumpy' face and
the first thought which comes to my mind was, 'I must make it a point to
smile at her and say hi to her every time I see her.'
There was
a couple of times when I went to the pantry for my caffeine fix in the
morning, I would see an elderly auntie cleaning the pantry, filling up
the coffee and tea sachets etc. And each time when we make eye contact, I
will smile and say hi to her but she would always respond with a solemn, grumpy kind of look.
Yesterday was no difference.
There was no anger at her non-responsiveness, just sadness that she is unable to smile in that very moment with me.
It reminded me of a similar experience a few days ago, I was having
lunch with a colleague, and when we said thank you to an elderly auntie
who cleaned our table, her response was similar.
And we had a
good discussion on how being polite and kind to others is a personal
choice, independent of others' responses in return. There is no
expectations of reciprocity. If there should be a response on our side
in return, it should be one, of compassion and empathy. In that very
moment, the person is unable to experience happiness.
Do you
remember, in our past experiences, how often when we are angry, or sad,
or feeling just negative, we tend to ignore the kindness of others, the
smiles of our friends, our family. The same goes for them, maybe they
are stressed, maybe they are tired, maybe they are depressed. And
sometimes, when the conditions are right, a smile generated by kindness
from us makes a difference to their lives just like how sometimes,
kindness from others makes a difference in ours.
So my friends, let us all make
the kind choice to be kind even if the world may not respond kindly to
it. Being kind makes a difference first and foremost, to ourselves, our
worlds and then to others.
May the aunties and uncles be well and happy.
May all be well and happy.
With loving-kindness
Simple Bear 01.03.2016.
Tuesday, March 1, 2016
Monday, February 29, 2016
Regret
Regret
"Like fallen leaves in Autumn, regrets nourishes the land which give birth to life in Spring; but prior to the arrival of Spring, one may need to endure the bitterness of Winter."
Simple Bear 29.02.2016.
"Like fallen leaves in Autumn, regrets nourishes the land which give birth to life in Spring; but prior to the arrival of Spring, one may need to endure the bitterness of Winter."
Simple Bear 29.02.2016.
Thursday, February 11, 2016
Dealing With Unknown
Dealing With Unknown
"There is two ways to deal with the unknown. Fear and hope. The decision lies in your belief, and more importantly, your free will."
Simple Bear 11.02.2016.
"There is two ways to deal with the unknown. Fear and hope. The decision lies in your belief, and more importantly, your free will."
Simple Bear 11.02.2016.
Wednesday, February 3, 2016
Monday, February 1, 2016
Know thy reactions
Know thy reactions
"I can't believe no one press the bell for me!" A voice imbued with rising anger was screaming inside my head.
I felt the increasing physiological tension in my body, the increasing heart rate, the tightening of the skin etc.
This was anger.
And I am falling right into the pit of hot erupting anger 'lava'.
A minute before all these happened, I was on the bus preparing to align at the bus stop. The uncle standing in front of me was carrying a big bag on his back, blocking the way and took some time to put down his bag and let me pass towards the bus door. As I was reaching the door, the door started closing and I quickly reached for the nearest bell but the bus still drove off. The passengers near me looked at me with looks of 'why didn't the bus driver open the door but drove off instead?"
I was more frustrated by the indifference of the rest of the passengers at that moment of time.
Then I noticed the thought of 'blaming the passengers for not pressing the bell for me when I was struggling to get pass the uncle with the big bag.'
It was the 'seed' of suffering. I focused on my breath, the air flowing in and out of my body.
It was my normative reaction to the situation. If I had followed the thought, it could have grown into thoughts of blaming the uncle for not being fast enough to unload his bag, for bringing a big bag and the bus driver for not stopping despite me already at the door, struggling with the door bell; and also thoughts of going to make a complaint against the bus driver.
Frustrations will grow and the consequences would be only more sufferings for me.
The question, on the surface now is the worth of continuing with the negativity. Is it worth it? The result was only having to walk a bus stop back home but if I had followed through with all those negative thoughts, the result would be me not being able to enjoy my dinner, watching the latest episode of 'Running Man' and having a good sleep.
The answer to the question? It is not worth it.
Looking deeper within myself, such egocentric reactions are still normative for me. I have not made any much progress in terms of changing my reactions to those of empathy; the awareness is not good enough to stop the reactionary thought and respond with accepting and empathetic thoughts instead.
I reacted. I should have responded instead.
I still have a long way to go. Yesterday night episode was a good learning experience and I am grateful.
Today is a new beginning to be better than the past.
May all have the awareness to respond to situations with positivity. May all be well and happy.
With loving-kindness (I need tons of it)
Simple Bear 01.02.2016
"I can't believe no one press the bell for me!" A voice imbued with rising anger was screaming inside my head.
I felt the increasing physiological tension in my body, the increasing heart rate, the tightening of the skin etc.
This was anger.
And I am falling right into the pit of hot erupting anger 'lava'.
A minute before all these happened, I was on the bus preparing to align at the bus stop. The uncle standing in front of me was carrying a big bag on his back, blocking the way and took some time to put down his bag and let me pass towards the bus door. As I was reaching the door, the door started closing and I quickly reached for the nearest bell but the bus still drove off. The passengers near me looked at me with looks of 'why didn't the bus driver open the door but drove off instead?"
I was more frustrated by the indifference of the rest of the passengers at that moment of time.
Then I noticed the thought of 'blaming the passengers for not pressing the bell for me when I was struggling to get pass the uncle with the big bag.'
It was the 'seed' of suffering. I focused on my breath, the air flowing in and out of my body.
It was my normative reaction to the situation. If I had followed the thought, it could have grown into thoughts of blaming the uncle for not being fast enough to unload his bag, for bringing a big bag and the bus driver for not stopping despite me already at the door, struggling with the door bell; and also thoughts of going to make a complaint against the bus driver.
Frustrations will grow and the consequences would be only more sufferings for me.
The question, on the surface now is the worth of continuing with the negativity. Is it worth it? The result was only having to walk a bus stop back home but if I had followed through with all those negative thoughts, the result would be me not being able to enjoy my dinner, watching the latest episode of 'Running Man' and having a good sleep.
The answer to the question? It is not worth it.
Looking deeper within myself, such egocentric reactions are still normative for me. I have not made any much progress in terms of changing my reactions to those of empathy; the awareness is not good enough to stop the reactionary thought and respond with accepting and empathetic thoughts instead.
I reacted. I should have responded instead.
I still have a long way to go. Yesterday night episode was a good learning experience and I am grateful.
Today is a new beginning to be better than the past.
May all have the awareness to respond to situations with positivity. May all be well and happy.
With loving-kindness (I need tons of it)
Simple Bear 01.02.2016
Wednesday, January 27, 2016
Change is never easy
Change is never easy
"Is he dead?" I thought to myself as I saw a middle aged man lying motionless on the empty flooring in between shops beside the MRT station.
"Just walk away." the inner voice in me was nagging. "Don't look!"
I continued for a few steps and stopped. I remembered, it was just yesterday evening that I wish for the moral courage to do what is right and here I am, trying to walk away from a situation which I can possibly make a change.
The man was lying there, with his back to the exterior wall of a shop. I was standing there in the crowds again, for the second time in two days, looking at the man, lying silently on the ground. There were people buying their dinner and doing their late evening shopping in the shops; there were crowds of people rushing home, passing him by as if his existence was only my visual hallucination.
A little apprehension arose in me. "What if he was dead?" the fear in me asked. There wasn't any visible signs of the man breathing.
"But you can't walk away like this." my 'superego' was shouting at me.
I gathered my nerves and walked slowly towards him. I heaved a sigh of relief when I could see slight motions of him breathing as I came up close. I went to the control station, informed them of the situation and they proceed to call the police to handle the situation. As I was there beside the man, trying to ascertain the situation. Two foreigners stopped and asked if they could be of help. We went away after the station manager came to check the situation and assured us that she will call in the police.
On the way to my next destination, I reflected on my experience. The habitual tendency for us to ignore situations which doesn't involve us had been deeply rooted in us. And to change that normative tendency, two things are essential, awareness of the arising of the tendency and the will to change it. If we are not aware of the tendency arising within, it would become our automated reactions, which is to ignore the situations which may require our help to those in need. Like the experience that I went through earlier, even with the awareness of the arising of the norm, there must be an effort involved to make a deliberated choice, to go against the norm of ignoring, which is deeply rooted in us.
The first step to uniting the responsibility which is diffused, in the conditional milieu in which everyone is in, due to the bystander effect, is to take the first step to break the effect. There are people among us who have the empathy to help but they are hesitant; they prefer not to break 'the norm of ignoring' and to save ourselves from our conscience of ignoring the situation, we comfort ourselves by rationalizing that someone else will help the person in need, there is no need for us to do it. We create the bystander effect when all of us thinks the same. Together with those among us who are apathetic and we create, for ourselves a world which we complained endlessly about the lack of goodness.
'Be the change that you wish to see in the world.' Mahatma Gandhi
Two individuals among the waves of people who walked past before me and after me stopped and decided to take on the humanistic responsibility of helping another, when they saw me walking close to the man to assess the situation. Every single one of us have the power to break the bystander effect, and be the change that we wish to see in the world. Once one of us starts 'breaking the norm of ignoring', the empathetic ones among us will support each other.
We can change the world, one thought at a time, one act at a time, one person at a time. And we start from ourselves; the world is a reflection of who we are, our reactions and responses to the changes within the world within.
Hope the man is well. May everyone have the awareness and will to be the goodness that we wish to see in the world. May all be well and happy.
With loving-kindness
Simple Bear 27.01.2016.
"Is he dead?" I thought to myself as I saw a middle aged man lying motionless on the empty flooring in between shops beside the MRT station.
"Just walk away." the inner voice in me was nagging. "Don't look!"
I continued for a few steps and stopped. I remembered, it was just yesterday evening that I wish for the moral courage to do what is right and here I am, trying to walk away from a situation which I can possibly make a change.
The man was lying there, with his back to the exterior wall of a shop. I was standing there in the crowds again, for the second time in two days, looking at the man, lying silently on the ground. There were people buying their dinner and doing their late evening shopping in the shops; there were crowds of people rushing home, passing him by as if his existence was only my visual hallucination.
A little apprehension arose in me. "What if he was dead?" the fear in me asked. There wasn't any visible signs of the man breathing.
"But you can't walk away like this." my 'superego' was shouting at me.
I gathered my nerves and walked slowly towards him. I heaved a sigh of relief when I could see slight motions of him breathing as I came up close. I went to the control station, informed them of the situation and they proceed to call the police to handle the situation. As I was there beside the man, trying to ascertain the situation. Two foreigners stopped and asked if they could be of help. We went away after the station manager came to check the situation and assured us that she will call in the police.
On the way to my next destination, I reflected on my experience. The habitual tendency for us to ignore situations which doesn't involve us had been deeply rooted in us. And to change that normative tendency, two things are essential, awareness of the arising of the tendency and the will to change it. If we are not aware of the tendency arising within, it would become our automated reactions, which is to ignore the situations which may require our help to those in need. Like the experience that I went through earlier, even with the awareness of the arising of the norm, there must be an effort involved to make a deliberated choice, to go against the norm of ignoring, which is deeply rooted in us.
The first step to uniting the responsibility which is diffused, in the conditional milieu in which everyone is in, due to the bystander effect, is to take the first step to break the effect. There are people among us who have the empathy to help but they are hesitant; they prefer not to break 'the norm of ignoring' and to save ourselves from our conscience of ignoring the situation, we comfort ourselves by rationalizing that someone else will help the person in need, there is no need for us to do it. We create the bystander effect when all of us thinks the same. Together with those among us who are apathetic and we create, for ourselves a world which we complained endlessly about the lack of goodness.
'Be the change that you wish to see in the world.' Mahatma Gandhi
Two individuals among the waves of people who walked past before me and after me stopped and decided to take on the humanistic responsibility of helping another, when they saw me walking close to the man to assess the situation. Every single one of us have the power to break the bystander effect, and be the change that we wish to see in the world. Once one of us starts 'breaking the norm of ignoring', the empathetic ones among us will support each other.
We can change the world, one thought at a time, one act at a time, one person at a time. And we start from ourselves; the world is a reflection of who we are, our reactions and responses to the changes within the world within.
Hope the man is well. May everyone have the awareness and will to be the goodness that we wish to see in the world. May all be well and happy.
With loving-kindness
Simple Bear 27.01.2016.
Tuesday, January 26, 2016
Learning to be responsible
Learning to be responsible
My heart feels heavier as I walked away from her. I wondered how many times she had to experience the same anxiety and apprehension as she walked from her place to the station to go to and fro from work. I wondered how long does she had to wait in the station for someone to help her cross the stretch of carpark filled with cars.
I saw her on the MRT station platform as I was walking out of the train. She seems lost in the crowds of people rushing towards the escalators. There was some distance between us.
I waited. It was apparent that she needed help. Her white walking stick was beside her and from her unsure footsteps, she seems overwhelmed by the sounds of waves of feet rushing by her, as if time had stopped for her. No one near her turned around to assess whether she needed any help. Perhaps it was because she looked young.
I walked towards her and offered my help.
In an apologetic tone, she asked whether I could help her get to the block across the station, which was a distance away from the station. There was a busy intersection of the carpark in between the station and the block that she was going to and she was apprehensive of going through the carpark, with the cars whizzing around during this period of time. I assured her that I will help her to the block that she was going.
I lost count of the times in the 5 minutes journey that she said she was sorry for making me walk with her although it was not in the direction that I was going. And I lost count of the times that I assured her that it was ok for me and I was grateful to be of help to her.
The journey through the carpark was difficult. Perhaps it was a busy period in the evening. There were drivers trying to rush into the carpark and secure a lot and there were those, who were rushing to get onto the road. I wondered how difficult it was for her to cross this very stretch of road every single day.
Soon we reached the void deck of the block. She told me that she was good to walk the rest of the journey herself. Sensing that she prefers to be walking the rest of the journey herself. I bid her farewell and left with a heavy heart.
On the journey home, I started to think of the times, I met people who doesn't look old and frail but had disabilities which weren't apparent to others on the surface; people who were waiting for someone to notice their plights. How often they stand at the intersections of human traffic, in the malls, the parks with everyone seemingly oblivious to their presence.
I was one of those who were lost in my own world. I know the impact of bystander effect, on the diffusion of responsibility and how easy it is for us, to mind our own business and carry on our usual routines.
But I also know that it is our responsibility to unite the responsibility of, and to restore the faith, in humanity.
I wish for the positive conditions for my visually impaired friend to meet with people who can help her when she needed help. I hope each and everyone of us can become the positive condition for our own happiness and others. I hope I have the moral courage to do what is right and not just doing it right.
May all be well and happy.
With loving-kindness
Simple Bear 26.01.2016.
My heart feels heavier as I walked away from her. I wondered how many times she had to experience the same anxiety and apprehension as she walked from her place to the station to go to and fro from work. I wondered how long does she had to wait in the station for someone to help her cross the stretch of carpark filled with cars.
I saw her on the MRT station platform as I was walking out of the train. She seems lost in the crowds of people rushing towards the escalators. There was some distance between us.
I waited. It was apparent that she needed help. Her white walking stick was beside her and from her unsure footsteps, she seems overwhelmed by the sounds of waves of feet rushing by her, as if time had stopped for her. No one near her turned around to assess whether she needed any help. Perhaps it was because she looked young.
I walked towards her and offered my help.
In an apologetic tone, she asked whether I could help her get to the block across the station, which was a distance away from the station. There was a busy intersection of the carpark in between the station and the block that she was going to and she was apprehensive of going through the carpark, with the cars whizzing around during this period of time. I assured her that I will help her to the block that she was going.
I lost count of the times in the 5 minutes journey that she said she was sorry for making me walk with her although it was not in the direction that I was going. And I lost count of the times that I assured her that it was ok for me and I was grateful to be of help to her.
The journey through the carpark was difficult. Perhaps it was a busy period in the evening. There were drivers trying to rush into the carpark and secure a lot and there were those, who were rushing to get onto the road. I wondered how difficult it was for her to cross this very stretch of road every single day.
Soon we reached the void deck of the block. She told me that she was good to walk the rest of the journey herself. Sensing that she prefers to be walking the rest of the journey herself. I bid her farewell and left with a heavy heart.
On the journey home, I started to think of the times, I met people who doesn't look old and frail but had disabilities which weren't apparent to others on the surface; people who were waiting for someone to notice their plights. How often they stand at the intersections of human traffic, in the malls, the parks with everyone seemingly oblivious to their presence.
I was one of those who were lost in my own world. I know the impact of bystander effect, on the diffusion of responsibility and how easy it is for us, to mind our own business and carry on our usual routines.
But I also know that it is our responsibility to unite the responsibility of, and to restore the faith, in humanity.
I wish for the positive conditions for my visually impaired friend to meet with people who can help her when she needed help. I hope each and everyone of us can become the positive condition for our own happiness and others. I hope I have the moral courage to do what is right and not just doing it right.
May all be well and happy.
With loving-kindness
Simple Bear 26.01.2016.
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