Living and Leaving
One and a half week after the car accident, I can still remember that night.
I could, still vividly see the image of the air bag in front of me, the
smell of burning mechanical parts of the car, feeling the pain in my
body and hearing the non-stop buzzing sound in my ear.
And the voice of my friend shouting at me to get out of the car.
The first thought which came to my mind, was I hope everyone is alright.
The next thought as I was in the midst of flashing lights of the police
cars and ambulances, was the question, if it was time for me to leave
this lifetime behind in that moment of time, was I ready?
I was (to my surprise).
Looking back at the things that I had done in the last ten years of my
adult life. There was no regrets.
Looking at the person that I had grown
to be, although I think I could have been a better person but again, I
had no regrets being who I am now.
Death is a constant topic
which I contemplated on. There are nights where I make peace with the
negativity which I was suffering from during the day and at the end of
the night, before I close my eyes, I had the assurance to myself that I
was ready to go if the night was the last night.
And in the morning when I wake up, I remind myself with gratitude that today is a gift for me to enjoy, and for me to share.
The accident and the pain that I am feeling now are good constant
reminders of the impermanence of life and of the current priorities in
my life. It is a time for me to spend more time in reflection and emerge
a more aware Simple Bear.
For now, I am grateful for being
alive. I am grateful for my friends being safe. I am grateful that no
one was seriously injured in the accident.
May all be well and happy
With Loving-Kindness
Simple Bear 03.03.2016.
Thursday, March 3, 2016
Tuesday, March 1, 2016
Unexpected
Unexpected
It was not what I expected.
I looked at her 'grumpy' face and the first thought which comes to my mind was, 'I must make it a point to smile at her and say hi to her every time I see her.'
There was a couple of times when I went to the pantry for my caffeine fix in the morning, I would see an elderly auntie cleaning the pantry, filling up the coffee and tea sachets etc. And each time when we make eye contact, I will smile and say hi to her but she would always respond with a solemn, grumpy kind of look.
Yesterday was no difference.
There was no anger at her non-responsiveness, just sadness that she is unable to smile in that very moment with me.
It reminded me of a similar experience a few days ago, I was having lunch with a colleague, and when we said thank you to an elderly auntie who cleaned our table, her response was similar.
And we had a good discussion on how being polite and kind to others is a personal choice, independent of others' responses in return. There is no expectations of reciprocity. If there should be a response on our side in return, it should be one, of compassion and empathy. In that very moment, the person is unable to experience happiness.
Do you remember, in our past experiences, how often when we are angry, or sad, or feeling just negative, we tend to ignore the kindness of others, the smiles of our friends, our family. The same goes for them, maybe they are stressed, maybe they are tired, maybe they are depressed. And sometimes, when the conditions are right, a smile generated by kindness from us makes a difference to their lives just like how sometimes, kindness from others makes a difference in ours.
So my friends, let us all make the kind choice to be kind even if the world may not respond kindly to it. Being kind makes a difference first and foremost, to ourselves, our worlds and then to others.
May the aunties and uncles be well and happy.
May all be well and happy.
With loving-kindness
Simple Bear 01.03.2016.
It was not what I expected.
I looked at her 'grumpy' face and the first thought which comes to my mind was, 'I must make it a point to smile at her and say hi to her every time I see her.'
There was a couple of times when I went to the pantry for my caffeine fix in the morning, I would see an elderly auntie cleaning the pantry, filling up the coffee and tea sachets etc. And each time when we make eye contact, I will smile and say hi to her but she would always respond with a solemn, grumpy kind of look.
Yesterday was no difference.
There was no anger at her non-responsiveness, just sadness that she is unable to smile in that very moment with me.
It reminded me of a similar experience a few days ago, I was having lunch with a colleague, and when we said thank you to an elderly auntie who cleaned our table, her response was similar.
And we had a good discussion on how being polite and kind to others is a personal choice, independent of others' responses in return. There is no expectations of reciprocity. If there should be a response on our side in return, it should be one, of compassion and empathy. In that very moment, the person is unable to experience happiness.
Do you remember, in our past experiences, how often when we are angry, or sad, or feeling just negative, we tend to ignore the kindness of others, the smiles of our friends, our family. The same goes for them, maybe they are stressed, maybe they are tired, maybe they are depressed. And sometimes, when the conditions are right, a smile generated by kindness from us makes a difference to their lives just like how sometimes, kindness from others makes a difference in ours.
So my friends, let us all make the kind choice to be kind even if the world may not respond kindly to it. Being kind makes a difference first and foremost, to ourselves, our worlds and then to others.
May the aunties and uncles be well and happy.
May all be well and happy.
With loving-kindness
Simple Bear 01.03.2016.
Monday, February 29, 2016
Regret
Regret
"Like fallen leaves in Autumn, regrets nourishes the land which give birth to life in Spring; but prior to the arrival of Spring, one may need to endure the bitterness of Winter."
Simple Bear 29.02.2016.
"Like fallen leaves in Autumn, regrets nourishes the land which give birth to life in Spring; but prior to the arrival of Spring, one may need to endure the bitterness of Winter."
Simple Bear 29.02.2016.
Thursday, February 11, 2016
Dealing With Unknown
Dealing With Unknown
"There is two ways to deal with the unknown. Fear and hope. The decision lies in your belief, and more importantly, your free will."
Simple Bear 11.02.2016.
"There is two ways to deal with the unknown. Fear and hope. The decision lies in your belief, and more importantly, your free will."
Simple Bear 11.02.2016.
Wednesday, February 3, 2016
Monday, February 1, 2016
Know thy reactions
Know thy reactions
"I can't believe no one press the bell for me!" A voice imbued with rising anger was screaming inside my head.
I felt the increasing physiological tension in my body, the increasing heart rate, the tightening of the skin etc.
This was anger.
And I am falling right into the pit of hot erupting anger 'lava'.
A minute before all these happened, I was on the bus preparing to align at the bus stop. The uncle standing in front of me was carrying a big bag on his back, blocking the way and took some time to put down his bag and let me pass towards the bus door. As I was reaching the door, the door started closing and I quickly reached for the nearest bell but the bus still drove off. The passengers near me looked at me with looks of 'why didn't the bus driver open the door but drove off instead?"
I was more frustrated by the indifference of the rest of the passengers at that moment of time.
Then I noticed the thought of 'blaming the passengers for not pressing the bell for me when I was struggling to get pass the uncle with the big bag.'
It was the 'seed' of suffering. I focused on my breath, the air flowing in and out of my body.
It was my normative reaction to the situation. If I had followed the thought, it could have grown into thoughts of blaming the uncle for not being fast enough to unload his bag, for bringing a big bag and the bus driver for not stopping despite me already at the door, struggling with the door bell; and also thoughts of going to make a complaint against the bus driver.
Frustrations will grow and the consequences would be only more sufferings for me.
The question, on the surface now is the worth of continuing with the negativity. Is it worth it? The result was only having to walk a bus stop back home but if I had followed through with all those negative thoughts, the result would be me not being able to enjoy my dinner, watching the latest episode of 'Running Man' and having a good sleep.
The answer to the question? It is not worth it.
Looking deeper within myself, such egocentric reactions are still normative for me. I have not made any much progress in terms of changing my reactions to those of empathy; the awareness is not good enough to stop the reactionary thought and respond with accepting and empathetic thoughts instead.
I reacted. I should have responded instead.
I still have a long way to go. Yesterday night episode was a good learning experience and I am grateful.
Today is a new beginning to be better than the past.
May all have the awareness to respond to situations with positivity. May all be well and happy.
With loving-kindness (I need tons of it)
Simple Bear 01.02.2016
"I can't believe no one press the bell for me!" A voice imbued with rising anger was screaming inside my head.
I felt the increasing physiological tension in my body, the increasing heart rate, the tightening of the skin etc.
This was anger.
And I am falling right into the pit of hot erupting anger 'lava'.
A minute before all these happened, I was on the bus preparing to align at the bus stop. The uncle standing in front of me was carrying a big bag on his back, blocking the way and took some time to put down his bag and let me pass towards the bus door. As I was reaching the door, the door started closing and I quickly reached for the nearest bell but the bus still drove off. The passengers near me looked at me with looks of 'why didn't the bus driver open the door but drove off instead?"
I was more frustrated by the indifference of the rest of the passengers at that moment of time.
Then I noticed the thought of 'blaming the passengers for not pressing the bell for me when I was struggling to get pass the uncle with the big bag.'
It was the 'seed' of suffering. I focused on my breath, the air flowing in and out of my body.
It was my normative reaction to the situation. If I had followed the thought, it could have grown into thoughts of blaming the uncle for not being fast enough to unload his bag, for bringing a big bag and the bus driver for not stopping despite me already at the door, struggling with the door bell; and also thoughts of going to make a complaint against the bus driver.
Frustrations will grow and the consequences would be only more sufferings for me.
The question, on the surface now is the worth of continuing with the negativity. Is it worth it? The result was only having to walk a bus stop back home but if I had followed through with all those negative thoughts, the result would be me not being able to enjoy my dinner, watching the latest episode of 'Running Man' and having a good sleep.
The answer to the question? It is not worth it.
Looking deeper within myself, such egocentric reactions are still normative for me. I have not made any much progress in terms of changing my reactions to those of empathy; the awareness is not good enough to stop the reactionary thought and respond with accepting and empathetic thoughts instead.
I reacted. I should have responded instead.
I still have a long way to go. Yesterday night episode was a good learning experience and I am grateful.
Today is a new beginning to be better than the past.
May all have the awareness to respond to situations with positivity. May all be well and happy.
With loving-kindness (I need tons of it)
Simple Bear 01.02.2016
Wednesday, January 27, 2016
Change is never easy
Change is never easy
"Is he dead?" I thought to myself as I saw a middle aged man lying motionless on the empty flooring in between shops beside the MRT station.
"Just walk away." the inner voice in me was nagging. "Don't look!"
I continued for a few steps and stopped. I remembered, it was just yesterday evening that I wish for the moral courage to do what is right and here I am, trying to walk away from a situation which I can possibly make a change.
The man was lying there, with his back to the exterior wall of a shop. I was standing there in the crowds again, for the second time in two days, looking at the man, lying silently on the ground. There were people buying their dinner and doing their late evening shopping in the shops; there were crowds of people rushing home, passing him by as if his existence was only my visual hallucination.
A little apprehension arose in me. "What if he was dead?" the fear in me asked. There wasn't any visible signs of the man breathing.
"But you can't walk away like this." my 'superego' was shouting at me.
I gathered my nerves and walked slowly towards him. I heaved a sigh of relief when I could see slight motions of him breathing as I came up close. I went to the control station, informed them of the situation and they proceed to call the police to handle the situation. As I was there beside the man, trying to ascertain the situation. Two foreigners stopped and asked if they could be of help. We went away after the station manager came to check the situation and assured us that she will call in the police.
On the way to my next destination, I reflected on my experience. The habitual tendency for us to ignore situations which doesn't involve us had been deeply rooted in us. And to change that normative tendency, two things are essential, awareness of the arising of the tendency and the will to change it. If we are not aware of the tendency arising within, it would become our automated reactions, which is to ignore the situations which may require our help to those in need. Like the experience that I went through earlier, even with the awareness of the arising of the norm, there must be an effort involved to make a deliberated choice, to go against the norm of ignoring, which is deeply rooted in us.
The first step to uniting the responsibility which is diffused, in the conditional milieu in which everyone is in, due to the bystander effect, is to take the first step to break the effect. There are people among us who have the empathy to help but they are hesitant; they prefer not to break 'the norm of ignoring' and to save ourselves from our conscience of ignoring the situation, we comfort ourselves by rationalizing that someone else will help the person in need, there is no need for us to do it. We create the bystander effect when all of us thinks the same. Together with those among us who are apathetic and we create, for ourselves a world which we complained endlessly about the lack of goodness.
'Be the change that you wish to see in the world.' Mahatma Gandhi
Two individuals among the waves of people who walked past before me and after me stopped and decided to take on the humanistic responsibility of helping another, when they saw me walking close to the man to assess the situation. Every single one of us have the power to break the bystander effect, and be the change that we wish to see in the world. Once one of us starts 'breaking the norm of ignoring', the empathetic ones among us will support each other.
We can change the world, one thought at a time, one act at a time, one person at a time. And we start from ourselves; the world is a reflection of who we are, our reactions and responses to the changes within the world within.
Hope the man is well. May everyone have the awareness and will to be the goodness that we wish to see in the world. May all be well and happy.
With loving-kindness
Simple Bear 27.01.2016.
"Is he dead?" I thought to myself as I saw a middle aged man lying motionless on the empty flooring in between shops beside the MRT station.
"Just walk away." the inner voice in me was nagging. "Don't look!"
I continued for a few steps and stopped. I remembered, it was just yesterday evening that I wish for the moral courage to do what is right and here I am, trying to walk away from a situation which I can possibly make a change.
The man was lying there, with his back to the exterior wall of a shop. I was standing there in the crowds again, for the second time in two days, looking at the man, lying silently on the ground. There were people buying their dinner and doing their late evening shopping in the shops; there were crowds of people rushing home, passing him by as if his existence was only my visual hallucination.
A little apprehension arose in me. "What if he was dead?" the fear in me asked. There wasn't any visible signs of the man breathing.
"But you can't walk away like this." my 'superego' was shouting at me.
I gathered my nerves and walked slowly towards him. I heaved a sigh of relief when I could see slight motions of him breathing as I came up close. I went to the control station, informed them of the situation and they proceed to call the police to handle the situation. As I was there beside the man, trying to ascertain the situation. Two foreigners stopped and asked if they could be of help. We went away after the station manager came to check the situation and assured us that she will call in the police.
On the way to my next destination, I reflected on my experience. The habitual tendency for us to ignore situations which doesn't involve us had been deeply rooted in us. And to change that normative tendency, two things are essential, awareness of the arising of the tendency and the will to change it. If we are not aware of the tendency arising within, it would become our automated reactions, which is to ignore the situations which may require our help to those in need. Like the experience that I went through earlier, even with the awareness of the arising of the norm, there must be an effort involved to make a deliberated choice, to go against the norm of ignoring, which is deeply rooted in us.
The first step to uniting the responsibility which is diffused, in the conditional milieu in which everyone is in, due to the bystander effect, is to take the first step to break the effect. There are people among us who have the empathy to help but they are hesitant; they prefer not to break 'the norm of ignoring' and to save ourselves from our conscience of ignoring the situation, we comfort ourselves by rationalizing that someone else will help the person in need, there is no need for us to do it. We create the bystander effect when all of us thinks the same. Together with those among us who are apathetic and we create, for ourselves a world which we complained endlessly about the lack of goodness.
'Be the change that you wish to see in the world.' Mahatma Gandhi
Two individuals among the waves of people who walked past before me and after me stopped and decided to take on the humanistic responsibility of helping another, when they saw me walking close to the man to assess the situation. Every single one of us have the power to break the bystander effect, and be the change that we wish to see in the world. Once one of us starts 'breaking the norm of ignoring', the empathetic ones among us will support each other.
We can change the world, one thought at a time, one act at a time, one person at a time. And we start from ourselves; the world is a reflection of who we are, our reactions and responses to the changes within the world within.
Hope the man is well. May everyone have the awareness and will to be the goodness that we wish to see in the world. May all be well and happy.
With loving-kindness
Simple Bear 27.01.2016.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)