Face to face with the ego(s)

Face to face with the ego(s)

Was I too sensitive? I wondered.

The speech and actions of these individuals seems to indicate a salient ego and the absence of empathy and compassion, the lack of the ability to take multiple perspectives other than well, one’s own.

A letter to MM

I was taken aback when you and your friend try to force your idea(s) on me, wanting me to compromise my integrity and lie to my friends to satisfy your egocentric desires. For the first time in a very long time, I felt like raising my paw and slap you right across the room, into the walls.

‘How dare you!’ The inner bear in me growl with fiery anger. I felt myself trembling with fear, fear of releasing the bear on you and your friend. It almost sapped all my mental strength to stop myself from being sucked into the emotional hurricane in that moment.

I decided, instead of taking out my fury on you, to drag my inner bear back to his cave, put on my best fake smile in response to your disgusting antics and walked away in silent.

Silence doesn’t mean agreement; it was to save myself from surrendering my psyche to the fiery infernus of my mind. Being friends of my friend doesn’t make you my friend. I felt hurt seriously empathically, knowing that you have the intention of lying to your close friend.

My mind was, in that moment of time disturbed. My mind was riddled by ripples made by the raining of the continuous repeat broadcasting of the negative emotions. It took some time before the rain stop and the stillness returns.

Now, I can sit down introspectively.

All that left now after the Pandora-ian unleashing of negativity were gratitude and compassion. Gratitude to the both of you for showing me the possible consequences if I don’t enhance my self-awareness; gratitude to the both of you for giving me examples not to learn from and the possibility of the dire consequences of negative thoughts and emotions felt by others if ever I show my egocentric side. Gratitude to all my good friends, teachers and all those sentient beings who had kindly assisted and taught me in my journey of self-discovery, allowing me to realize my mistakes and improve myself.

Compassion for my friend who is well, your close friend and he face the possibility of you, lying to him, may he have the strength and courage to understand and forgive you when the time comes. Compassion for you and your friend, may you two meet with good friends and teachers who can help you realize your flaws and improve on them.

We will be meeting again soon and hopefully I can show more compassion and empathy towards you and your friend.

*Silent prayers.

With metta,

Simple Bear 30.12.2011.

Fallacy

Fallacy

Silently I lay, fatally wounded by my mortal arch enemy

Defeated, with the sword Fallacy plunged deep in my heart

I cried out in pain but no cries was heard, from the depths of Tartarus

Silence reign, it was the sound of life fading like the sands of an hourglass

Silently I lay, waiting for the moments of inanity to end silently

Simple Bear 21.11.2011.

My Experience with the Pinkerton Syndrome

My Experience with the Pinkerton Syndrome.

‘The freedom of self-expression should not be a mask for the oblivion or lack of situational awareness and introspective mindfulness.’
Simple Bear 05.09.2011.

‘All Singaporean men are useless’ a statement that was, in my own opinion, a sweeping statement that was discriminating, insensitive and egoistic especially when Singaporean men were among the audience.

I kept quiet but a non-response to the discriminating remarks doesn’t imply my concurrence but respect for the rights of individuals to hold differing views. It is normal for all of us to hold differentiating opinions with regards to certain issues that we feel strongly for. However, going a step further by manifesting prejudices in discriminating remarks in justification of personal inclinations is perhaps uncalled for. The egoistic expression of one’s personal inclinations indicated a lack of respect for others which I have to admit, had a hard time trying not to evince my revulsion for.

In the midst of all those negativity, there are a few questions that surfaced in my mind. First, the nature or nurture reasons behind the causation of the development of the dispositions that led to the expression of discriminations. I think the socio-cultural element of the Pinkerton Syndrome is a major nurture contributor to the growth of the stereotypical attitudes and prejudices of the individuals in their dispositional development, which of course, lead to the causation of the discrimination that I had perceived to have experienced. Experience with Singaporean men maybe another psychological-social factor that contributes to the Pinkerton Syndrome and vice versa, the Pinkerton Syndrome affect the perceived experience with Singaporean men.

Second, the possibility of personal or societal prejudices, stereotypes in the causation of my intrinsic responses towards the perceived experienced discrimination. The social identification of me as a Singaporean, Chinese man invokes, perhaps certain stereotypical attitudes and prejudices towards the perceived variant of the Pinkerton Syndrome which was apparent in my cognitive response towards the negative experience. In retrospection, my personal expectations of the respect towards others may play a part in the response too. In the heat of the moment, I was aware of the activation of self-serving attributions as a possible response and rationalization of the experience.

Third, the possibility of the perceived discriminating remarks as the result of a misjudgment and the intent was not as perceived. It was difficult for me to recognize the possibility of such a misjudgment and misinterpretation of the intent on my part. Maintenance of objectivity is almost non-existent in my cognition towards the experience, save for the element of meta-cognition and respect for individuals’ freedom of self-expression.

Personally, I have no problems with ladies holding such stereotypical views and personal inclinations towards other nationalities, my prior experience and relations with the ladies who held similar inclinations had so far been amicable. However, the verbal expression towards Singaporean men in the form of such blunt statements is discrimination. Looking at the other side of the coin, the individual may have negative experience with Singaporean men that resulted in the perceived variant of the Pinkerton Syndrome, and the perceived negative experience had cast a negative veil over future experiences, enhancing the individual’s negative cognitive appraisal of Singaporean men. Allowing empathy into the picture, I can understand and close this chapter on my experience with the Pinkerton Syndrome.

Social Comparisons and Reflections

‘Social comparisons are essential reminders for us to practice altruism, compassion and gratitude.’
Simple Bear 01.09.2011.

A Grateful Morning

I am…grateful

I decided to pen this entry to express my thanks to a stranger whom I met this morning at the MRT. Just want to say thank you to Uncle Song who had shared with me his story on the short trip to work. He may never know how much of an inspiration he was to me this morning but I just want to express my gratitude.

‘Uncle Song, thank you for inspiring me. Your determination to continue your walk in the path of life despite all the obstacles and difficulties that you faced reminded me of how lucky I am to be alive and well. May you be well and happy always.’

Sukki hontu,
A Grateful Bear

给爱人的信

给爱人的信

我常说你是我的因果, 谢谢你的出现, 让我学会长大.
你我从今以后不再是爱人的关系, 最后的要求想请你好好的照顾自己, 找个能好好照顾你, 把你当成太阳的地球, 给你美好未来的好男人.

我爱你.

爱你的小熊

Limited

Limited

‘All of us have limited time here, we are just not consciously aware of this truth.’
Simple Bear 01.08.2011.

For the past one year, I saw two of my colleagues grieved for their loved ones who had passed on and one colleague who grieved for his lost love. It struck a melodramatic chord in me.

Death comes to all men and we have tried explaining the coming of death since the beginning of human civilization. The Christians explained that the existence of death among humans is due to Adam’s transgression. The Greek explanation is Pandora and her box which brought death to mankind.

Everyone fears death and it is this fear that inhibits our ability to understand the truth that death is certain and embrace the certainty.

Many years ago, I used to wallow in self-pity, knowing that I, too shall face this certainty at a time earlier than most people. Time made me forget about this certainty until my body starts reminding me. Accepting this truth of death, I started reflecting on the priorities in my life.

‘What am I leaving when I’m done here’
Linkin Park ‘Leaving Out The Rest’ from the album ‘Minutes to Midnight’

The lyrics reminded me of what do I want to leave behind. I don’t want to leave behind a legacy, I want to leave behind presents, gifts that brings happiness to my loved ones. Sometimes, that presents requires tough decisions to be made but I know at the end of the day, when my time is up here and I go to face my karmic music, I will leave with a smile because I know I will bring smiles to my loved ones with my presents.

Death, I am learning not to fear you. I am going to accept you as part of my life here, the end.

My friends, if you happen to come across this posting when I am gone. Please smile if I had brought smiles to you before, I would know that I had led a good life. Thank you.

Simple Bear