Change is never easy

Change is never easy

"Is he dead?" I thought to myself as I saw a middle aged man lying motionless on the empty flooring in between shops beside the MRT station.
"Just walk away." the inner voice in me was nagging. "Don't look!"

I continued for a few steps and stopped. I remembered, it was just yesterday evening that I wish for the moral courage to do what is right and here I am, trying to walk away from a situation which I can possibly make a change.

The man was lying there, with his back to the exterior wall of a shop. I was standing there in the crowds again, for the second time in two days, looking at the man, lying silently on the ground. There were people buying their dinner and doing their late evening shopping in the shops; there were crowds of people rushing home, passing him by as if his existence was only my visual hallucination.

A little apprehension arose in me. "What if he was dead?" the fear in me asked. There wasn't any visible signs of the man breathing.

"But you can't walk away like this." my 'superego' was shouting at me.

I gathered my nerves and walked slowly towards him. I heaved a sigh of relief when I could see slight motions of him breathing as I came up close. I went to the control station, informed them of the situation and they proceed to call the police to handle the situation. As I was there beside the man, trying to ascertain the situation. Two foreigners stopped and asked if they could be of help. We went away after the station manager came to check the situation and assured us that she will call in the police.

On the way to my next destination, I reflected on my experience. The habitual tendency for us to ignore situations which doesn't involve us had been deeply rooted in us. And to change that normative tendency, two things are essential, awareness of the arising of the tendency and the will to change it. If we are not aware of the tendency arising within, it would become our automated reactions, which is to ignore the situations which may require our help to those in need. Like the experience that I went through earlier, even with the awareness of the arising of the norm, there must be an effort involved to make a deliberated choice, to go against the norm of ignoring, which is deeply rooted in us.

The first step to uniting the responsibility which is diffused, in the conditional milieu in which everyone is in, due to the bystander effect, is to take the first step to break the effect. There are people among us who have the empathy to help but they are hesitant; they prefer not to break 'the norm of ignoring' and to save ourselves from our conscience of ignoring the situation, we comfort ourselves by rationalizing that someone else will help the person in need, there is no need for us to do it. We create the bystander effect when all of us thinks the same. Together with those among us who are apathetic and we create, for ourselves a world which we complained endlessly about the lack of goodness.

'Be the change that you wish to see in the world.'  Mahatma Gandhi

Two individuals among the waves of people who walked past before me and after me stopped and decided to take on the humanistic responsibility of helping another, when they saw me walking close to the man to assess the situation. Every single one of us have the power to break the bystander effect, and be the change that we wish to see in the world. Once one of us starts 'breaking the norm of ignoring', the empathetic ones among us will support each other.

We can change the world, one thought at a time, one act at a time, one person at a time. And we start from ourselves; the world is a reflection of who we are, our reactions and responses to the changes within the world within.

Hope the man is well. May everyone have the awareness and will to be the goodness that we wish to see in the world. May all be well and happy.

With loving-kindness
Simple Bear 27.01.2016.

Learning to be responsible

Learning to be responsible

My heart feels heavier as I walked away from her. I wondered how many times she had to experience the same anxiety and apprehension as she walked from her place to the station to go to and fro from work. I wondered how long does she had to wait in the station for someone to help her cross the stretch of carpark filled with cars.

I saw her on the MRT station platform as I was walking out of the train. She seems lost in the crowds of people rushing towards the escalators. There was some distance between us.

I waited. It was apparent that she needed help. Her white walking stick was beside her and from her unsure footsteps, she seems overwhelmed by the sounds of waves of feet rushing by her, as if time had stopped for her. No one near her turned around to assess whether she needed any help. Perhaps it was because she looked young.

I walked towards her and offered my help.

In an apologetic tone, she asked whether I could help her get to the block across the station, which was a distance away from the station. There was a busy intersection of the carpark in between the station and the block that she was going to and she was apprehensive of going through the carpark, with the cars whizzing around during this period of time. I assured her that I will help her to the block that she was going.

I lost count of the times in the 5 minutes journey that she said she was sorry for making me walk with her although it was not in the direction that I was going. And I lost count of the times that I assured her that it was ok for me and I was grateful to be of help to her.

The journey through the carpark was difficult. Perhaps it was a busy period in the evening. There were drivers trying to rush into the carpark and secure a lot and there were those, who were rushing to get onto the road. I wondered how difficult it was for her to cross this very stretch of road every single day.

Soon we reached the void deck of the block. She told me that she was good to walk the rest of the journey herself. Sensing that she prefers to be walking the rest of the journey herself. I bid her farewell and left with a heavy heart.

On the journey home, I started to think of the times, I met people who doesn't look old and frail but had disabilities which weren't apparent to others on the surface; people who were waiting for someone to notice their plights. How often they stand at the intersections of human traffic, in the malls, the parks with everyone seemingly oblivious to their presence.

I was one of those who were lost in my own world. I know the impact of bystander effect, on the diffusion of responsibility and how easy it is for us, to mind our own business and carry on our usual routines.

But I also know that it is our responsibility to unite the responsibility of, and to restore the faith, in humanity.

I wish for the positive conditions for my visually impaired friend to meet with people who can help her when she needed help. I hope each and everyone of us can become the positive condition for our own happiness and others. I hope I have the moral courage to do what is right and not just doing it right.

May all be well and happy.

With loving-kindness
Simple Bear 26.01.2016.

Just a Smile

Just a Smile

The late John F. Kennedy once said, "ask not what your country can do for you, ask what can you do for your country."

The year was 1961.

54 years later, on Boxing Day 2015, I was contemplating on my experiences and this quote arose within, "Ask not what your fellow humans can do for you, ask what you can do for them."

Perhaps the thoughts which came to mind at this point of time upon reading my previous paragraph are, for example, I don't have money to give like the rich, don't have time to give like the rich etc.

For those of us working in the "helping" sectors, doing well at our work is one way we contribute towards the well-being of our fellow human beings but what can we do everyday outside of our work for our fellow human beings?

For those of us who volunteers our time with the less fortunate, doing well at volunteering e.g. the knowledge and skills to better help the less fortunate is one way of contributing but what can we do everyday outside of our volunteering work for our fellow human beings?

For those of us who donates towards causes which help the less fortunate, more contribution towards the causes is one way of contributing but what can we do everyday outside of our monetary contributions for our fellow human beings?

The answer? To me, is to cultivate positive habits such as positive thoughts, empathy for all, compassion for those who are suffering. In short, become a better person both mentally and emotionally.

I had the wonderful opportunity to dress up as Santa Claus during Boxing Day to distribute snacks to our special friends in Institute of Mental Health and rehabilitation facilities nearby in Buangkok.

Some welcome me (or maybe it is only the snacks :p) with smilies and some (maybe one or two) reacts with negativity but reflecting on the experiences, what was most memorable were the patients who had difficulties sitting up and welcoming me or even have the snacks that I was distributing.

They just smiled at me from their lying positions on their beds. And that, even writing about it now brings tears to my eyes. They gave me a wonderful gift for Christmas. They gave me their smilies.

I reflected upon the wonderous smilies of theirs. Despite their limited physical capacity, they gave me a priceless gift. Perhaps I was imagining things but I could feel positivity when I looked into their eyes when they smiled at me.

They maybe limited in capacity but not in capability.

I asked myself, could I be as good as them? How much does it cost to give a positive thought, a smile to others, to our fellow humans on the street in our everyday life? It doesn't cost a penny. If our special friends can do it, why can't I?

I am not saying that we should just smile (facial expression) everytime to everyone regardless of how we think and feel. We should cultivate and build the cognitive and emotional capacity for smiles. The positive thoughts, the empathy, the compassion that we think and feel are what makes the smiles so valuable and compellingly beautiful.

We can do much more apart from the work, volunteering and monetary contributions for our fellow humans. Everyone is suffering in one way or another; we are all fighting our own wars and maybe a smile is all it takes to provide respite from their sufferings.

The first human to benefit from cultivating those wholesome habits are ourselves.

Thank you to the Achievers, Friends of IMH for the opportunity and all volunteers for helping out.

Thank you to our special friends for the wonderful gifts of smiles and postivity.

May all be well and happy. May all cultivate a beautiful mind and smile.

With Loving-Kindness
Simple Bear 28.12.2015.

自理

自理

同理对天下
双脚走天涯
莫为从前痴
步入崇真崖

简单熊 19.12.2015.

Keeping the flame alive

Keeping the flame alive

Ring~~~~

The alarm sounded off at 7am. I lie in bed thinking today is the latest I woke up in the past two weeks. My body is tired. My throat is in pain. My head is dealing with a series of headaches. My mind is exhausted.

I don't feel like going anywhere.

The lazy bear in me was holding to my mind tightly, begging me to cancel all my activities today and sleep in. But the eccentric bear in me was telling me that today is a special day, a day of new understanding.

I decided to ignore the lazy bear in me.

Spent my morning at Apex Harmony Lodge with my old and new friends from Psyconnect, interacting with elderly suffering from dementia. The questions that I had in my mind were (a) are the elderly enjoying our company or are we just a nuisance to them (b) are our presence a help to them i.e. making their days a little happier (c) what else can we do to make their lives better. To say the truth, I don't know how they feel towards us, our presence but I know for most of them, in a brief moment, their smiles are the best answer to my questions.

Looking at some of them in their eyes, I understand and know that I would never know what truly is in their minds, how frightening it is to know and understand the fact that their memories and understanding of the world that they used to know are quickly fading away.

I spent the later part of the day in the Institute of Mental Health as the emcee of a fabulous Christmas party organized by Friends of IMH for our special friends. Again I had the same questions and I had the same answer. They were singing and dancing together with us.

That, to me is good enough.

People asked me since I am already working in the mental health sector, helping people with mental health issues. Why am I still volunteering my time since I am so tired and worn out?

My answer?

It keeps my passion for the mental health sector burning. I am only two weeks in my new work and I know that on a larger scale of things, my work ultimately is part of making Singapore now and in the future, a better place for people suffering from mental health issues but a lot of us had heard stories of bad attitudes and services from social service and healthcare workers.

I am sure for most of us in the sectors, we all started with the passion, the wish to help people through our work and making compassion our lifelong ambition. Along the way, the stress and crazy workload gets to us like a disease, slowly eating us from the inside out. Negativity slowly eating away at our passion. We got burned out. We soon lose sight of the compassionate goals that we had in the beginning. What is left are only bitterness and disappointments.

I don't want that to happen to me. That is why I still volunteer. No matter how grand the goal of work is e.g. to make Singapore a more inclusive and compassionate society for all. What really matter most now and in the future is each and every single one of them who are suffering now from mental illnesses. Seeing them happy or even sad keeps my passion burning and add meaning to my everyday work in the mental health sector.

I don't have big ambitions or dreams that I can change the world for the better. But I know my time spent volunteering and my time at work changes peoples' world, one moment at a time.

They are the reason for my work now and in the future and I don't have to wait to know that I made a difference.

Thank you to the volunteers and to my special friends. You all made a difference to me and you all changed my world for the better.

May all be well and happy.

With Loving-Kindness
Simple Bear 12.12.2015.

Empathy

Empathy

"Empathy is a wonderful gift for oneself and others; be careful with it for it is fragile, a slight tint of ego is enough to shatter it."
Simple Bear 12.12.2015.

A Burst of Anger

Don't get angry at us!" A colleague commented after I asked for the location of another colleague.

"Was I angry?" I asked myself. Perhaps, it was the negativity that I was exposed to just a minute earlier. Negativity is contagious.

Got off the phone with an elderly stranger who called to 'feedback' about how we are ignorant of the plights of others like her. She hurled bolt after bolt of insults at me.

I have to admit. I felt my blood pressure rising after each abusive word spoken. But strangely as if I was in a zone where time slows down, I was feeling the rising blood pressure slowly and with each breath, I tried to slow it down.

I was caught unprepared. And perhaps I was emotionally hurt as well, not by the words but the pain that I was feeling throughout the phone conversation. The elderly was clearly in pain. Not physical but emotional and mental pain, she was suffering within.

Perhaps unknowingly, I adopted her speaking tone and corresponding imagined facial expression for a brief moment to my colleague and that translates to negativity unknowingly.

I understand she was ranting about how miserable her life is but unfortunately life doesn't improve when you blame others for the misery. When we are negative, we sees only the negative and our life gets even more negative. And the more entrenched the mind is within the negativity without realizing it, it is difficult for others to try and bring some positivity to negate the negativity.

As I sat down in the MRT train, I am still feeling the pain within, gradually withering away with each wish for her to be well and happy.

Sharing negativity doesn't lessen the negativity; sometimes, it only serves to strengthen it.

But fortunately at the other side of the coin, sharing positivity doesn't lessen the positivity that we have but only strengthens and spreads the positivity.

I am grateful for this experience. I understand a little more about myself, the experiential 'science' behind emotional contagion.

My apologies to my colleagues for the brief moment of negativity. And I hope the elderly stranger to be well and happy.

May everyone be well and happy. May all abide in peace.

With Loving-Kindness
Simple Bear 05.11.2015.