Stomping

"I am going to STOMP you!"

That was the dominant thought in my mind for a split second. Anger was spreading through my entire body, the tensions in the muscles. I was ready to tear the bus driver to bits.

And then, as suddenly as it came, the anger stopped.

I went up a crowded bus filled with foreigners, on the way to attend a gathering on Saturday. As I was trying to get my ez-link card to the reader, the bus driver shouted 噢! at me in a very angry tone, as if to tell me that don't try to cheat on the bus fares. The passengers at the front of the bus were staring at me, I was embarrassed and I was ready to take my revenge on the driver, to take a picture of him, send the picture to STOMP and a complaint letter to SBS Transit.

"I will make sure he disappear!"

Then it all stopped. I looked around and saw a lot of migrant workers around me. These thoughts came to me, (a) did the migrant workers suffer the same discriminatory tone that was delivered to me all the time? (b) did the bus driver suffered a built-up of frustration during his duration of work that lead to his behavior?

I turned my attention inwards (a) was my reaction to the driver's speech discriminatory in nature, because he was also a foreigner (b) was my embarrassment and the angry thoughts that followed due to my perception that I was 'superior' to them?

If happiness was the end in which all aspired to. Who would want to be angry? Who will feel good, directing their anger to others?

A warm feeling came over me. The emotional monster of anger had disappeared without traces. The tension in my body disappeared. The negative thoughts in my mind disappeared. Replacing them was a feeling of empathy and thoughts of guilt at my previous thoughts and thoughts of compassion for the bus-driver's frustration.

If I had expressed my anger in my behavior, I would have added on to the suffering of the driver and to mine. I would have cultivated not, compassionate thoughts but discriminatory thoughts, and the growth of my ego without any awareness. If I had unleashed my anger on him, the frustrations that he was already feeling would have multiplied in strength and that may had translated into sufferings for others too.

I took a deep breath and smiled.

May they be well and happy. May they be free from ill will. May they be free from suffering.

Grateful for this lesson of humility. That monster of ego is still strong within me and sometimes, when we indulged in thoughts of perceived self-righteousness, we are unable to see our sufferings and those, of others. There is no room for compassion and love in the ego.

If we aspire to be happy, happiness can't be achieved by giving anger and sadness to others; it can be achieved by sharing and giving happiness to others.

May all be well and happy.

Love
Simple Bear 28.04.2014.