Value

Value

A friend of mine, who was dealing with a quarter-life existential crisis, asked me, "what is the value of our existence?"
[Disclaimer: The below is only based on the very limited existential experiences of a bear; may not apply to humans]

My answer.

"The value of our existence lies, not in how much we are loved, but in how much we love."
Simple Bear 04.03.2016.

A lot of us determine our self worth in terms of how much we perceive to be loved by others, allowing our value to be determined by external conditions, including the responses of others to us, which we do not have control over.

We determine our value by perceiving how much our family loves us, our partners loves us, our friends love us, our companies and organizations loves us, our society looks and loves us.

We effectively handed the valuation of our self worth to others, and subjected ourselves to the pain which arises from the discrepancies between the responses of others and our expectations. The endless search for validation by others, in which we do not have control over, most of the times, results in pain and disappointments.

Not everyone have the conditions to be loved the way they want to be loved but everyone have the basic condition, the capacity to love.

There are numerous stories of nobodies who sacrificed themselves for the love of others, strangers on the street whom they have no relations to. They are hailed as heroes but before that, to most of the people who know them, they may be just zero.

I am not advocating that we all should grab hold of any opportunities to be heroes or saints; not all of us can and have the conditions to do so. However, we all should aspire to be extend our love (not the passionate, without-you-I-will-die kind of love) to as far as we can. This love is one, of empathy and compassion, of equanimity.

I understand not everyone is willing to adopt and cultivate this notion of love but I just want to emphasize that everyone have the capacity to do so.

We can start off by loving our families, our friends, the less fortunate in our societies. Not everyone can have the conditions to do things which brings happiness to everyone but we all have the capacity to bring happiness to those we love to the best of our abilities. If we have done our best to love, then regardless of the responses of others, we are worthy of the value of being here in this very present moment, as an individual, as a human, as a living being.

We are the only one who is capable of determining our value. This love requires us to first love ourselves, for the love of others and then, forget the love of ourselves.

We need to learn first, to love ourselves.

May all have the conditions to cultivate the love for others.

May all be well and happy

With loving-kindness
Simple Bear 05.03.2016.