This pain, this pain which wouldn't go away.
Met an old lady in the shopping mall just now. I was on my way to the MRT station when I saw her; she was walking really slowly in the midst of crowds of people. I had this sudden feeling of pain and suffering which ran through me when I saw her back view. My instincts tells me that she needs help. But I was skeptical, was I just being overly sensitive? So I observed her for a while to assess whether am I in a position to help. She approach a lady who was a staff at the supermarket and the lady directed her to a food outlet. The poor lady slowly walk towards the fast food outlet.
I went up to her and asked whether she needs any help. She told me that she is looking for food and the expression on her face makes me think that she must be starving for a while so I gave her some money and brought her lunch at the nearest food court because of her mobility difficulties. She was embarrassed at taking my money and also having me buy her lunch and she kept wanting to return me my money but I think she will benefit more from the money so I kept saying to her that I am treating her coffee and it is ok to take the money from me. She kept thanking me and with every word, I felt my heart sunk in deeper, tears were threatening to gush out. As I looked at her, I felt as if I could feel her pain, the suffering that she went through. It was unbearable and I had to leave.
Before I left, I asked a young lady to keep an eye on her during her meal just in case she has any difficulties.
Now in the train on the way to my next appointment, there are lots of thoughts in my mind, the image of her walking so slowly, so painfully through the crowd and no one stop to ask whether she is ok pains me. What if she was our family? Can you imagine that? Where was her family?
Sometimes, it takes courage to do what it is right, to do what seems to be out of the norm but what I learnt today is really to follow my heart, let it guide me and empowers me with confidence and courage.
I hope that she will have the conditions to be happy in the future and there will be people who will be around to help her if she needs help.
If there is any merit from doing this deed, let it be shared to her and to all who are suffering. May all be well and happy. May all find the strength to face difficulties in life; may all find the courage to be kind and compassionate; may all find the heart to love.
I am grateful to the old lady. Thank you for teaching me, thank you for reminding me of the possibility of going beyond myself.
I am feeling the pain right now but at the same time, I am feeling love
Have a loving weekend everyone.
With love
Simple Bear 24.05.2014.
Saturday, May 24, 2014
Wednesday, May 21, 2014
The Electro Syndrome
The Electro Syndrome
American song-writer James Taylor once said that the motivation of an artist is to seek attention of some kind. In my humble opinion, I think the motivation of an artist in the words of James Taylor is a reflection of the primitive psychology of humanity. Most of us may or may not agree that most of us are constantly seeking attention of some kind and perhaps by posting this entry on Facebook, I am too, seeking attention.
What had brought the issue of attention to my attention is the movie, Spiderman 2. I had just watched Spiderman 2. It wasn't Peter Parker and his hero alter-ego in the red suit but it was the villain, Electro who caught my attention. There was this scene where Maxwell Dillion, the ex-human form of Electro, was hyping himself up for his birthday by imagining that Spiderman considered him as a friend and was going to celebrate his birthday for him although in reality, Spiderman only spoken to him once and didn't really remembered his name. In Dillion's mind, the many years of being neglected and treated by everyone around him as 'invisible' or insignificant had a detrimental psychological impact on him; he was craving or more appropriately, starving for attention and the starvation manifested itself into imagination of friendship and attention, acceptance to protect himself, to save his almost non-existence self-esteem and as affirmation for his existence.
Does the self-esteem issues faced by Dillion strike a chord in some of us?
For me, the chord vibrates with memories. I was reminded of my younger days, when I was constantly striving to be in the limelight, to command the attention of all around me. In retrospect, all the cravings didn't bring me any happiness, it only brought me frustrations. It is perfectly normal to want to feel wanted, accepted and acknowledged by others but I guess the personal crisis comes when the expected attention and acceptance doesn't happen accordingly in perceived reality.In intimate relationships with loved ones, we expected them to give us their affirmation and attention when we need it and appreciation when we think we deserve it. In interpersonal relationships with others, we expect to have the limelight in social situations, to have the fame, glory and appreciation; and attention, is the reward that we seek. And when we don't get the satisfaction of our expectations for attention, we suffer both emotionally and mentally. I called this, the Electro Syndrome. We are doomed to suffer if we continue to stake our self-esteem and our conceptualization of ourselves on the attention of others.
For some of my friends, it is this craving for attention that got them into relationships and it is this very craving for attention which destroys the relationships. And for me, I have to admit, it is this craving for attention and appreciation which lead to the failure of my last few relationships. We have to admit it, we feel good when others that we like pay attention to us and attends to our needs. And even for others, who feel extremely confident of themselves, attention and recognition from others is the oil that they run their feel-good-machinery on. Is humanity doomed to be slaves to our own desires?
I am not advocating that attention is bad and we should focus on forsaking attention. I think we should be more aware of our desires especially for attention and recognition and don't let this impedes our potential for empathy and compassion for everyone. From my limited experience, I think the first step to break the shackles of slavery is to develop self-confidence, based on our awareness of our strengths and weaknesses, acceptance of our strengths and weakness and also, the potentiality of humans to excel and transcend the current self; and not on the attention and affirmation from others. And the second step is to have dreams, dreams that are realistic for us to work towards and excel at. The third step is to encourage feedback from others, without any expectations of affirmation. If there is compliments and positive attention, then, be grateful and thankful; if there is criticism and negative feedback, then evaluate ourselves based on the feedback and work on them if they are true Have the courage to admit them if they are true, and the the resolution to transcend beyond them. And the fourth step is to repeat the steps and continue to work on the betterment of ourselves. We are not perfect but we have the potential to be as perfect as we can.
It is difficult to get ourselves away from the habitual tendencies of wanting attention,
the awareness of the habit is a good start.
May all be well and happy.
Simple Bear 21.05.2014.
American song-writer James Taylor once said that the motivation of an artist is to seek attention of some kind. In my humble opinion, I think the motivation of an artist in the words of James Taylor is a reflection of the primitive psychology of humanity. Most of us may or may not agree that most of us are constantly seeking attention of some kind and perhaps by posting this entry on Facebook, I am too, seeking attention.
What had brought the issue of attention to my attention is the movie, Spiderman 2. I had just watched Spiderman 2. It wasn't Peter Parker and his hero alter-ego in the red suit but it was the villain, Electro who caught my attention. There was this scene where Maxwell Dillion, the ex-human form of Electro, was hyping himself up for his birthday by imagining that Spiderman considered him as a friend and was going to celebrate his birthday for him although in reality, Spiderman only spoken to him once and didn't really remembered his name. In Dillion's mind, the many years of being neglected and treated by everyone around him as 'invisible' or insignificant had a detrimental psychological impact on him; he was craving or more appropriately, starving for attention and the starvation manifested itself into imagination of friendship and attention, acceptance to protect himself, to save his almost non-existence self-esteem and as affirmation for his existence.
Does the self-esteem issues faced by Dillion strike a chord in some of us?
For me, the chord vibrates with memories. I was reminded of my younger days, when I was constantly striving to be in the limelight, to command the attention of all around me. In retrospect, all the cravings didn't bring me any happiness, it only brought me frustrations. It is perfectly normal to want to feel wanted, accepted and acknowledged by others but I guess the personal crisis comes when the expected attention and acceptance doesn't happen accordingly in perceived reality.In intimate relationships with loved ones, we expected them to give us their affirmation and attention when we need it and appreciation when we think we deserve it. In interpersonal relationships with others, we expect to have the limelight in social situations, to have the fame, glory and appreciation; and attention, is the reward that we seek. And when we don't get the satisfaction of our expectations for attention, we suffer both emotionally and mentally. I called this, the Electro Syndrome. We are doomed to suffer if we continue to stake our self-esteem and our conceptualization of ourselves on the attention of others.
For some of my friends, it is this craving for attention that got them into relationships and it is this very craving for attention which destroys the relationships. And for me, I have to admit, it is this craving for attention and appreciation which lead to the failure of my last few relationships. We have to admit it, we feel good when others that we like pay attention to us and attends to our needs. And even for others, who feel extremely confident of themselves, attention and recognition from others is the oil that they run their feel-good-machinery on. Is humanity doomed to be slaves to our own desires?
I am not advocating that attention is bad and we should focus on forsaking attention. I think we should be more aware of our desires especially for attention and recognition and don't let this impedes our potential for empathy and compassion for everyone. From my limited experience, I think the first step to break the shackles of slavery is to develop self-confidence, based on our awareness of our strengths and weaknesses, acceptance of our strengths and weakness and also, the potentiality of humans to excel and transcend the current self; and not on the attention and affirmation from others. And the second step is to have dreams, dreams that are realistic for us to work towards and excel at. The third step is to encourage feedback from others, without any expectations of affirmation. If there is compliments and positive attention, then, be grateful and thankful; if there is criticism and negative feedback, then evaluate ourselves based on the feedback and work on them if they are true Have the courage to admit them if they are true, and the the resolution to transcend beyond them. And the fourth step is to repeat the steps and continue to work on the betterment of ourselves. We are not perfect but we have the potential to be as perfect as we can.
It is difficult to get ourselves away from the habitual tendencies of wanting attention,
the awareness of the habit is a good start.
May all be well and happy.
Simple Bear 21.05.2014.
Thursday, May 15, 2014
被疼爱是种幸福
听了一位朋友的故事, 突然觉得好心痛; 被疼爱是种幸福, 怕失去疼爱是种苦, 被疼而不爱是种苦, 渴望被疼爱也是种苦。也许是因为我也曾经走过那些心路, 深感身受。
学会爱自己, 就要学会对自己诚实, 别骗自己。也许我和她一样, 都太不老实了。习惯在谎言中自乐, 忘了真相的可贵; 我们都沉浸在谎言的习性中, 看不清眼前的真相。 慢慢的, 随着谎言一天天的堆积在我们的心里, 真相就退进了影子里, 而我们就住进了黑暗里。
希望我们都有清醒的一天, 希望我们都有幸福的一天, 加油吧! 朋友。
学会爱自己, 就要学会对自己诚实, 别骗自己。也许我和她一样, 都太不老实了。习惯在谎言中自乐, 忘了真相的可贵; 我们都沉浸在谎言的习性中, 看不清眼前的真相。 慢慢的, 随着谎言一天天的堆积在我们的心里, 真相就退进了影子里, 而我们就住进了黑暗里。
希望我们都有清醒的一天, 希望我们都有幸福的一天, 加油吧! 朋友。
Sunday, May 4, 2014
Learning for Lifetime
A: "it is quite difficult isn't it, to be over 30 and still studying for your degree."
Simple Bear: "I am so lucky."
A: o_O
I am not going to 'expound' on gratitude based on downward social comparisons; not everyone gets to study what they want to study, and for this, I am really grateful, even if I don't adhere to the normative stage of a human's life in a capitalist society and doesn't really have the ascribed social status expected, it doesn't define my life. I am the one who defines my life, I am the one who really knows what is important in my life, what is essential for me to have a good life and I define what is a good life.
Life is good. And I don't think I would want to change that.
And I am grateful that I am eccentric enough to be myself.
Have a good Sunday everyone.
Simple Bear: "I am so lucky."
A: o_O
I am not going to 'expound' on gratitude based on downward social comparisons; not everyone gets to study what they want to study, and for this, I am really grateful, even if I don't adhere to the normative stage of a human's life in a capitalist society and doesn't really have the ascribed social status expected, it doesn't define my life. I am the one who defines my life, I am the one who really knows what is important in my life, what is essential for me to have a good life and I define what is a good life.
Life is good. And I don't think I would want to change that.
And I am grateful that I am eccentric enough to be myself.
Have a good Sunday everyone.
Saturday, May 3, 2014
Kindness, Not Granted.
Kindness, Not Granted.
The novelist, Henry James once said, “three things in human life are important: the first is to be kind; the second is to be kind; and the third is to be kind.”
And today, I had taken my kindness for granted.
I passed by an old uncle, who was busking near the passageway between Clementi Mall and Clementi MRT station during lunch time; as usual, I would make a donation and talked to him a little bit before going my way. I will bring him his favourite hot milo sometimes but today, although I had the intention to buy him milo, there was this nagging thought in my mind, “would he take my gesture of bringing him milo for granted.” He didn’t ask for it and I went on my way but the thought didn’t go away. The thoughts that followed were filled with guilt, my ‘kindness’ to him was tainted; tainted with the thought of the possibility of him taking me for granted.
A brief reflection on the thought had me realized that a while ago, the topic of individuals receiving kindness and taking it for granted was in one of my conversation with a new friend. And subconsciously it hit a raw nerve. Although I am lucky that most of the time, most people that I helped are grateful and those handful, who had taken me for granted don’t really bothered me, I didn’t realized that this negativity had grown its roots deep inside me. I had expected him to be grateful and not take me for granted. And kindness with expectations isn’t kindness but a transaction.
That realization gave rise to guilt within. If I am to eradicate this negativity within, I need to start now. I went back to the uncle, brought him his milo and chatted a while with him. He was expressing his gratitude to me profusely and with every moment, the shame that I had within grew. Slowly, a sense of gratitude replaced the shame and guilt I had inside. I had taken the conditions, the intention and motivation for my act of ‘kindness’ for granted; the old uncle is a wise teacher who had taught me true kindness, I am grateful to him.
Being kind is a miracle.
For one to have kind thoughts and motivation to express them in acts of kindness, it is a miraculous aggregation of conditions. For me to express the kind intention with the right motivation, my frame of mind must be right, I must be in the exact space-time to encounter the old uncle, prior experience must be conducive.
There are so many possibilities that may hinder ‘kindness’; if I was preoccupied with thoughts of negativity before I met the uncle, e.g. I had an argument with a shop assistant, the intention and motivation of buying milo for the uncle won’t arise. If I hadn’t had prior experience of receiving kindness from others, learning from others in the act of kindness prior, the possibility for the experiential conditions for the arising of the intention and motivation may not be optimal. If the uncle wasn’t there today, I won’t have the situational conditions for the arising of the intention and motivation. I could go on and on but the important point is that even if you want to be kind, the conditions may not be right for you to be kind. And for the optimal conditions that we experienced in our daily lives when we are trying to be kind to others, we should be grateful.
I am grateful for the optimal conditions; I am grateful to the uncle for being there, I am grateful to myself and I am grateful for the many others who brought this realization to me.
It is so difficult to be kind and we should rejoice if any thoughts of kindness arise, any motivation to act out of kindness arises, any expression of kindness arises.
Kindness is a treasure and I shall end this entry with a quote from the French novelist, Amantine-Lucile-Aurore Dupin: “Guard well within yourself that treasure, kindness. Know how to give without hesitation, how to lose without regret, how to acquire without meanness.”
May all the conditions be right for kindness to arise and ripen for all.
Simple Bear 02.04.2014.
The novelist, Henry James once said, “three things in human life are important: the first is to be kind; the second is to be kind; and the third is to be kind.”
And today, I had taken my kindness for granted.
I passed by an old uncle, who was busking near the passageway between Clementi Mall and Clementi MRT station during lunch time; as usual, I would make a donation and talked to him a little bit before going my way. I will bring him his favourite hot milo sometimes but today, although I had the intention to buy him milo, there was this nagging thought in my mind, “would he take my gesture of bringing him milo for granted.” He didn’t ask for it and I went on my way but the thought didn’t go away. The thoughts that followed were filled with guilt, my ‘kindness’ to him was tainted; tainted with the thought of the possibility of him taking me for granted.
A brief reflection on the thought had me realized that a while ago, the topic of individuals receiving kindness and taking it for granted was in one of my conversation with a new friend. And subconsciously it hit a raw nerve. Although I am lucky that most of the time, most people that I helped are grateful and those handful, who had taken me for granted don’t really bothered me, I didn’t realized that this negativity had grown its roots deep inside me. I had expected him to be grateful and not take me for granted. And kindness with expectations isn’t kindness but a transaction.
That realization gave rise to guilt within. If I am to eradicate this negativity within, I need to start now. I went back to the uncle, brought him his milo and chatted a while with him. He was expressing his gratitude to me profusely and with every moment, the shame that I had within grew. Slowly, a sense of gratitude replaced the shame and guilt I had inside. I had taken the conditions, the intention and motivation for my act of ‘kindness’ for granted; the old uncle is a wise teacher who had taught me true kindness, I am grateful to him.
Being kind is a miracle.
For one to have kind thoughts and motivation to express them in acts of kindness, it is a miraculous aggregation of conditions. For me to express the kind intention with the right motivation, my frame of mind must be right, I must be in the exact space-time to encounter the old uncle, prior experience must be conducive.
There are so many possibilities that may hinder ‘kindness’; if I was preoccupied with thoughts of negativity before I met the uncle, e.g. I had an argument with a shop assistant, the intention and motivation of buying milo for the uncle won’t arise. If I hadn’t had prior experience of receiving kindness from others, learning from others in the act of kindness prior, the possibility for the experiential conditions for the arising of the intention and motivation may not be optimal. If the uncle wasn’t there today, I won’t have the situational conditions for the arising of the intention and motivation. I could go on and on but the important point is that even if you want to be kind, the conditions may not be right for you to be kind. And for the optimal conditions that we experienced in our daily lives when we are trying to be kind to others, we should be grateful.
I am grateful for the optimal conditions; I am grateful to the uncle for being there, I am grateful to myself and I am grateful for the many others who brought this realization to me.
It is so difficult to be kind and we should rejoice if any thoughts of kindness arise, any motivation to act out of kindness arises, any expression of kindness arises.
Kindness is a treasure and I shall end this entry with a quote from the French novelist, Amantine-Lucile-Aurore Dupin: “Guard well within yourself that treasure, kindness. Know how to give without hesitation, how to lose without regret, how to acquire without meanness.”
May all the conditions be right for kindness to arise and ripen for all.
Simple Bear 02.04.2014.
Monday, April 28, 2014
Stomping
"I am going to STOMP you!"
That was the dominant thought in my mind for a split second. Anger was spreading through my entire body, the tensions in the muscles. I was ready to tear the bus driver to bits.
And then, as suddenly as it came, the anger stopped.
I went up a crowded bus filled with foreigners, on the way to attend a gathering on Saturday. As I was trying to get my ez-link card to the reader, the bus driver shouted 噢! at me in a very angry tone, as if to tell me that don't try to cheat on the bus fares. The passengers at the front of the bus were staring at me, I was embarrassed and I was ready to take my revenge on the driver, to take a picture of him, send the picture to STOMP and a complaint letter to SBS Transit.
"I will make sure he disappear!"
Then it all stopped. I looked around and saw a lot of migrant workers around me. These thoughts came to me, (a) did the migrant workers suffer the same discriminatory tone that was delivered to me all the time? (b) did the bus driver suffered a built-up of frustration during his duration of work that lead to his behavior?
I turned my attention inwards (a) was my reaction to the driver's speech discriminatory in nature, because he was also a foreigner (b) was my embarrassment and the angry thoughts that followed due to my perception that I was 'superior' to them?
If happiness was the end in which all aspired to. Who would want to be angry? Who will feel good, directing their anger to others?
A warm feeling came over me. The emotional monster of anger had disappeared without traces. The tension in my body disappeared. The negative thoughts in my mind disappeared. Replacing them was a feeling of empathy and thoughts of guilt at my previous thoughts and thoughts of compassion for the bus-driver's frustration.
If I had expressed my anger in my behavior, I would have added on to the suffering of the driver and to mine. I would have cultivated not, compassionate thoughts but discriminatory thoughts, and the growth of my ego without any awareness. If I had unleashed my anger on him, the frustrations that he was already feeling would have multiplied in strength and that may had translated into sufferings for others too.
I took a deep breath and smiled.
May they be well and happy. May they be free from ill will. May they be free from suffering.
Grateful for this lesson of humility. That monster of ego is still strong within me and sometimes, when we indulged in thoughts of perceived self-righteousness, we are unable to see our sufferings and those, of others. There is no room for compassion and love in the ego.
If we aspire to be happy, happiness can't be achieved by giving anger and sadness to others; it can be achieved by sharing and giving happiness to others.
May all be well and happy.
Love
Simple Bear 28.04.2014.
That was the dominant thought in my mind for a split second. Anger was spreading through my entire body, the tensions in the muscles. I was ready to tear the bus driver to bits.
And then, as suddenly as it came, the anger stopped.
I went up a crowded bus filled with foreigners, on the way to attend a gathering on Saturday. As I was trying to get my ez-link card to the reader, the bus driver shouted 噢! at me in a very angry tone, as if to tell me that don't try to cheat on the bus fares. The passengers at the front of the bus were staring at me, I was embarrassed and I was ready to take my revenge on the driver, to take a picture of him, send the picture to STOMP and a complaint letter to SBS Transit.
"I will make sure he disappear!"
Then it all stopped. I looked around and saw a lot of migrant workers around me. These thoughts came to me, (a) did the migrant workers suffer the same discriminatory tone that was delivered to me all the time? (b) did the bus driver suffered a built-up of frustration during his duration of work that lead to his behavior?
I turned my attention inwards (a) was my reaction to the driver's speech discriminatory in nature, because he was also a foreigner (b) was my embarrassment and the angry thoughts that followed due to my perception that I was 'superior' to them?
If happiness was the end in which all aspired to. Who would want to be angry? Who will feel good, directing their anger to others?
A warm feeling came over me. The emotional monster of anger had disappeared without traces. The tension in my body disappeared. The negative thoughts in my mind disappeared. Replacing them was a feeling of empathy and thoughts of guilt at my previous thoughts and thoughts of compassion for the bus-driver's frustration.
If I had expressed my anger in my behavior, I would have added on to the suffering of the driver and to mine. I would have cultivated not, compassionate thoughts but discriminatory thoughts, and the growth of my ego without any awareness. If I had unleashed my anger on him, the frustrations that he was already feeling would have multiplied in strength and that may had translated into sufferings for others too.
I took a deep breath and smiled.
May they be well and happy. May they be free from ill will. May they be free from suffering.
Grateful for this lesson of humility. That monster of ego is still strong within me and sometimes, when we indulged in thoughts of perceived self-righteousness, we are unable to see our sufferings and those, of others. There is no room for compassion and love in the ego.
If we aspire to be happy, happiness can't be achieved by giving anger and sadness to others; it can be achieved by sharing and giving happiness to others.
May all be well and happy.
Love
Simple Bear 28.04.2014.
Friday, April 11, 2014
Illusion of Happiness
"Sometimes, under the illusion that happiness is to be pursued, we focus on the attainment of external conditions which makes us happy but we forget to work on understanding and reducing the intrinsic conditions which makes us unhappy."
Simple Bear 11.04.2014.
Simple Bear 11.04.2014.
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