Warning: The following post contain negativity.
Shock! I think I can't find a better word to describe my feelings right now after getting my examination results. Missed out on the little details which amount to a mistake in my course of studies. Now I have to figure out how to take four modules without killing myself in the midst of my crazy schedule or take another semester to compensate for my mistake. Four years and I had to make this stupid mistake now.
Need to reevaluate my priorities.
No doubt, a costly but good learning experience.
I need a drink now
Thursday, June 19, 2014
Wednesday, June 18, 2014
每个人
听了朋友的故事, 有所感触。
每个人都有个人做事情的立场, 要好好的看注自己。不管他是对还是错, 要问自己用意善否; 每个决定后都有个理由, 问自己理由善否。不管结果顺意否, 它是顺缘的。要问自己的心善否, 尽力了, 就让它去吧。若心不善, 改! 若心善, 那就随缘去吧。事成必有它的因缘, 事不成也必有它的因缘。不需留恋, 缘起缘灭。要担心的, 是自己的因, 自己的心。
愿大家心善无怨, 心静无浪, 心悟无量。
阿弥陀佛 — feeling peaceful.
每个人都有个人做事情的立场, 要好好的看注自己。不管他是对还是错, 要问自己用意善否; 每个决定后都有个理由, 问自己理由善否。不管结果顺意否, 它是顺缘的。要问自己的心善否, 尽力了, 就让它去吧。若心不善, 改! 若心善, 那就随缘去吧。事成必有它的因缘, 事不成也必有它的因缘。不需留恋, 缘起缘灭。要担心的, 是自己的因, 自己的心。
愿大家心善无怨, 心静无浪, 心悟无量。
阿弥陀佛 — feeling peaceful.
Thursday, June 12, 2014
Monday, June 2, 2014
We are all Maleficent
We are all Maleficent
Just watched Maleficent, the twist to the classic Disney story, Sleeping Beauty, on the big screen just now. The story was interesting and it engendered some thoughts about it, especially with regards to its relevancy to my life.
*Warning: There maybe spoilers ahead. Continue if only if it is your own choice.
The Chinese classical text for children's education, the 三字经 starts with the verse, "人之初 性本善", kindness (or goodness) is man's original nature (pardon my limited English for the poor translation) and I find the verse expressed in the storyline, Maleficent was originally a kind, gentle young girl who wanted to do her best to protect her people (the Moors) against the greedy humans and then, as she grew up, she encountered Stefan, and love grew inside her, along with love's companion, expectations. And although, she was bitter with hatred and anger, she soften, returning bit by bit to her original nature of being the kind Maleficent that she once was because of the kindness and love of Aurora, the Sleeping Beauty. Maleficent's original nature was obstructed by the hatred and anger, just like us and (at least to me), the compassion and kindness of others can be inspirational and perhaps, essential for slowly tearing us away from the shadows of ignorance which blind us to our own compassion and kindness. I remembered the days of ignorant dependency on others for my happiness, and it is through the kindness of others shown to me and given to others which slowly brought me closer to myself. After being at the receiving end of others' kindness, can we too, be the condition which brings people closer to their original nature of goodness through expressions of our own goodness?
There is a Buddhist saying which I had used for as a constant reminder for myself, "不怕无明起，只怕觉照迟", fear, not the arising of ignorance, but the delayed awareness of it. Maleficent wasn't aware of the potential and actual hurt on Aurora and others, whom she loved until regrets set in as she was unable to reverse her own curse (which was in accordance with her intention when she cursed Aurora as an infant). Many-times, we get angry, frustrated at people, but are we able to catch ourselves in those moments of negativity and prevent ourselves from saying or doing anything, which we will regret later on in life. Like the curse by Maleficent, the consequences of our actions and speech are not reversible. I remembered there are a lot of times when I get angry and say or do things, of which I am immediately regretful once the awareness of the consequences set in. I can't take away the hurt that I caused, but I can prevent hurt to others in the future by training myself to be aware of it earlier, to catch myself in those early moments of stupidity. Do we want to continue, delaying our awareness of our follies and being regretful later on, through our lives?
Saw a friend's posting of a Buddhist saying on Facebook and it led me to the story, "一把无明火，烧掉功德林，一念瞋心起，八万障门开", a fire, born of ignorance, burns the forest of merits, a thought of anger, engenders the barriers (pardon my limited English and understanding). Maleficent, in her moment of anger, had 'burned' the past goodness that she had cultivated in the forest with the Moors and like the barriers of thorns which grew out of her anger, prevented her from experiencing happiness. A lot of times, we remember the moments in which a person is angry and does something foolish and perhaps, despite of his or her past deeds of kindness, those few moments of anger are more salient especially when you are at the receiving end of the anger. This moment of anger perhaps led to even more unhappiness, both in the person who was angry and the people who was at the receiving end of that anger. I remembered those times of anger and depression, which destroyed friendships and potential for happiness for myself and my friends was greatly diminished, as the effects of those angry moments lingered for quite a while later, accompanied by regrets and frustrations in those moments which followed. Do we want to experience those moments again, hurting ourself and others that we cared, due to this moment of anger, which we failed to be aware of?
Maleficent is just like us and we, are just like Maleficent. We made mistakes and we learn on this journey to happiness. As with most Disney stories, Maleficent and Aurora lived happily ever after. Maybe for me, I may not be able to live happily ever after, but I think if I continue to seek to improve myself, and maybe in this life, I maybe closer to the classic Disney ending than I am now.
Have a good night everyone. May all live happily ever after.
With Love
Simple Bear 02.06.2014.
Just watched Maleficent, the twist to the classic Disney story, Sleeping Beauty, on the big screen just now. The story was interesting and it engendered some thoughts about it, especially with regards to its relevancy to my life.
*Warning: There maybe spoilers ahead. Continue if only if it is your own choice.
The Chinese classical text for children's education, the 三字经 starts with the verse, "人之初 性本善", kindness (or goodness) is man's original nature (pardon my limited English for the poor translation) and I find the verse expressed in the storyline, Maleficent was originally a kind, gentle young girl who wanted to do her best to protect her people (the Moors) against the greedy humans and then, as she grew up, she encountered Stefan, and love grew inside her, along with love's companion, expectations. And although, she was bitter with hatred and anger, she soften, returning bit by bit to her original nature of being the kind Maleficent that she once was because of the kindness and love of Aurora, the Sleeping Beauty. Maleficent's original nature was obstructed by the hatred and anger, just like us and (at least to me), the compassion and kindness of others can be inspirational and perhaps, essential for slowly tearing us away from the shadows of ignorance which blind us to our own compassion and kindness. I remembered the days of ignorant dependency on others for my happiness, and it is through the kindness of others shown to me and given to others which slowly brought me closer to myself. After being at the receiving end of others' kindness, can we too, be the condition which brings people closer to their original nature of goodness through expressions of our own goodness?
There is a Buddhist saying which I had used for as a constant reminder for myself, "不怕无明起，只怕觉照迟", fear, not the arising of ignorance, but the delayed awareness of it. Maleficent wasn't aware of the potential and actual hurt on Aurora and others, whom she loved until regrets set in as she was unable to reverse her own curse (which was in accordance with her intention when she cursed Aurora as an infant). Many-times, we get angry, frustrated at people, but are we able to catch ourselves in those moments of negativity and prevent ourselves from saying or doing anything, which we will regret later on in life. Like the curse by Maleficent, the consequences of our actions and speech are not reversible. I remembered there are a lot of times when I get angry and say or do things, of which I am immediately regretful once the awareness of the consequences set in. I can't take away the hurt that I caused, but I can prevent hurt to others in the future by training myself to be aware of it earlier, to catch myself in those early moments of stupidity. Do we want to continue, delaying our awareness of our follies and being regretful later on, through our lives?
Saw a friend's posting of a Buddhist saying on Facebook and it led me to the story, "一把无明火，烧掉功德林，一念瞋心起，八万障门开", a fire, born of ignorance, burns the forest of merits, a thought of anger, engenders the barriers (pardon my limited English and understanding). Maleficent, in her moment of anger, had 'burned' the past goodness that she had cultivated in the forest with the Moors and like the barriers of thorns which grew out of her anger, prevented her from experiencing happiness. A lot of times, we remember the moments in which a person is angry and does something foolish and perhaps, despite of his or her past deeds of kindness, those few moments of anger are more salient especially when you are at the receiving end of the anger. This moment of anger perhaps led to even more unhappiness, both in the person who was angry and the people who was at the receiving end of that anger. I remembered those times of anger and depression, which destroyed friendships and potential for happiness for myself and my friends was greatly diminished, as the effects of those angry moments lingered for quite a while later, accompanied by regrets and frustrations in those moments which followed. Do we want to experience those moments again, hurting ourself and others that we cared, due to this moment of anger, which we failed to be aware of?
Maleficent is just like us and we, are just like Maleficent. We made mistakes and we learn on this journey to happiness. As with most Disney stories, Maleficent and Aurora lived happily ever after. Maybe for me, I may not be able to live happily ever after, but I think if I continue to seek to improve myself, and maybe in this life, I maybe closer to the classic Disney ending than I am now.
Have a good night everyone. May all live happily ever after.
With Love
Simple Bear 02.06.2014.
Thursday, May 29, 2014
Are we all monsters?
Are we all monsters?
Two news over the past few days brought
sadness to my heart. Two young men went on a killing spree, one to
avenge unfulfilled desires in the States and another, to fulfill his
deep, dark desire in Taiwan. The frightening part of the news for me
was that both men 'planned' for the 'murder' of their fellow
roommates, citizens, spending time to acquire weapons and planning
their 'routes of murder'. What drove them to this route of
destruction and despair for themselves and the people that they hurt?
Are the seeds of darkness prevalent within all of us? Waiting for the
right conditions to 'ripen' and turning us into monsters, perhaps as
reflections of the societies that we live in.
Elliot Rodger, the son of a Hollywood
director, had killed 5 individuals, including two young women with
semi-automatic guns in Santa-Barbara, California last Friday. He left
a Youtube video, explaining his misogynistic reasons for his killing
spree and suicide. His actions led to the Hollywood film industry
taking a lot of heat for perpetuating the notion of sexual conquests
as a norm of young college life, as a epitome of youth in the States.
The feeling of inadequacies led to Rodger's actions, perhaps as in
the superficial sense, revenge for his 'sad' life, I think on a
deeper level of psyche, he was trying to make amendments for his
perceived inadequacies as a man, in an effort to restore his
'dignity' as a man in the sexist, Hollywood environment, which he
grew up in. What is worrying is perhaps, the number of men who may
have similar misogynistic experiences and the possibility of the
copycat effect.
Cheng Chieh, a college student, had
killed 4 individuals and injured 20 others in a knife attack on the
Taiwanese subway last Wednesday. He was quoted as saying that it was
his long-term dream to kill people on the subway and he had planned
to do it earlier. His indulgence in violence-themed video games had
led to criticisms on whether such games which perhaps, 'normalized'
the actions of killing strangers should be banned. Critics also
condemned the video games 'glorifying' the action, making violence as
an part of an essential aspect of masculinity. However, this is only
an inference from his lifestyle and perhaps, there are even more
salient reasons for his actions, which may not be understood from
the superficial details of the case as of now. What is worrying is
the number of people, who had posted on social media, of their
intentions to follow in his footsteps.
Both cases, in my limited experience,
is just the tip of the iceberg. It engenders fear. I began to ask
whether I had faced the same issues as Elliot Rodger, I guess in my
younger days, I did but do I consider myself as misogynistic? I had
lamented the 'nerd' in me and my 'lack of prospects in the market'
but I guess, on the whole, it was a feeling of low self-esteem. I
didn't regress into a misogynist. As for the case of Cheng Chieh, I
think I can relate to violence as an aspect of masculinity in my
younger days, always looking for an opportunity to prove my
masculinity by showing my fists but then again, to have the idea of
killing people as a dream, I was perhaps again lucky not to have this
thought but low self-esteem does play a part in perpetuating this
image of violence. Low self-esteem does play a part in both cases, if
I may infer. If that's the case, then the next question is whether do
I have the 'potentiality of evilness'.
Reflecting on my past experiences of
anger, perhaps, most of us do but then again, are we all
monsters-in-the-making? I am a non-believer in fatalism and I believe
for such things to happen, there must be the aggregation of
conditions which led to this horrible result and although things may
be calm on the surface for us right now, if we don't deal with our
inner issues such as low self-esteem and anger, when the conditions
aligned themselves, terrible things may just happen to you and
others. Let me just illustrate it by using a metaphor. It is just
like the mirror image of the moon in the water, the image of the
moon, if the water is calm, remains clear and beautiful but once a
ripple is created by the drop of stone, the image of the moon in the
water is distorted and ugly.
The question now is how do we keep the
water calm? Love, compassion and kindness.
With Love and Kindness
Simple Bear 29.05.2014.
Tuesday, May 27, 2014
The Procrastination of Happiness
"Happy is a difficult word. How many people are happy? Perhaps we are most happy when we are not aware of it."
Neil Hughes, in the PBS programme, 56 UP.
The above words from a participant, Neil Hughes, in the PBS programme, 56 UP caught my attention; 56 UP is a very interesting documentary on the lives of ordinary people from different walks of life, the changes in their expectations as they grew with the passing of time.
Although Neil was serving in the religious and secular communities by the time he was 56, he lament the lack of conditions to realize his ambition of being a writer. He was struggling, perhaps, to walk out of his homelessness past, and a life of low self-esteem and loneliness. His idea of happiness is something really simple, a gathering with friends etc. We all have expectations and of course, that includes expectations of happiness, how do we conceptualize happiness, the personal and social constitutions of happiness and the perspective discrepancies in the ideal concept and perceived reality.
As I mentioned to a friend yesterday night, everyone of us craves for happiness but we have different ideas with regards to the conditions which constitute happiness. The feeling of happiness is perhaps, similar to all but the antecedents which preludes happiness is perceptively different for all. We forgo happiness, in the process of achieving happiness. Such is the irony of life! How many times do we see people who worked to gain power and power, and sacrifices their intimate interpersonal relations, in the name of happiness in the future, to regret later at their death beds. Although the ironic examples are many, the normative idea that money and power e.g. living the high life, as the ultimate goal in life is still prevalent. Of course, by advocating less emphasis on money and power for happiness, I am not saying that we should all renounce our possessions and stay in the mountains in search of spiritual happiness. Power, in the process of advocating happiness for all e.g. creation of conducive conditions for the engendering of happiness for all, is necessary. Money, in the process of 'purchase' of happiness for all e.g. purchase of material conditions for the engendering of happiness for all, is necessary. What I am advocating is the awareness that, while in the pursuit of happiness or the conditions which lead to our normative perception of happiness, we should not neglect the possibility of happiness in the moments in the process.
In my limited experience, I think that happiness should not be delayed. The procrastination of happiness is perhaps, something that we need to constantly be aware of. We should not take our time in this world for granted.
May all have the conditions to be aware, treasure our loved ones, and realize our dreams to be happy and the conditions, especially the intentions, to bring happiness to all.
Love
Simple Bear 27.05.2014.
Neil Hughes, in the PBS programme, 56 UP.
The above words from a participant, Neil Hughes, in the PBS programme, 56 UP caught my attention; 56 UP is a very interesting documentary on the lives of ordinary people from different walks of life, the changes in their expectations as they grew with the passing of time.
Although Neil was serving in the religious and secular communities by the time he was 56, he lament the lack of conditions to realize his ambition of being a writer. He was struggling, perhaps, to walk out of his homelessness past, and a life of low self-esteem and loneliness. His idea of happiness is something really simple, a gathering with friends etc. We all have expectations and of course, that includes expectations of happiness, how do we conceptualize happiness, the personal and social constitutions of happiness and the perspective discrepancies in the ideal concept and perceived reality.
As I mentioned to a friend yesterday night, everyone of us craves for happiness but we have different ideas with regards to the conditions which constitute happiness. The feeling of happiness is perhaps, similar to all but the antecedents which preludes happiness is perceptively different for all. We forgo happiness, in the process of achieving happiness. Such is the irony of life! How many times do we see people who worked to gain power and power, and sacrifices their intimate interpersonal relations, in the name of happiness in the future, to regret later at their death beds. Although the ironic examples are many, the normative idea that money and power e.g. living the high life, as the ultimate goal in life is still prevalent. Of course, by advocating less emphasis on money and power for happiness, I am not saying that we should all renounce our possessions and stay in the mountains in search of spiritual happiness. Power, in the process of advocating happiness for all e.g. creation of conducive conditions for the engendering of happiness for all, is necessary. Money, in the process of 'purchase' of happiness for all e.g. purchase of material conditions for the engendering of happiness for all, is necessary. What I am advocating is the awareness that, while in the pursuit of happiness or the conditions which lead to our normative perception of happiness, we should not neglect the possibility of happiness in the moments in the process.
In my limited experience, I think that happiness should not be delayed. The procrastination of happiness is perhaps, something that we need to constantly be aware of. We should not take our time in this world for granted.
May all have the conditions to be aware, treasure our loved ones, and realize our dreams to be happy and the conditions, especially the intentions, to bring happiness to all.
Love
Simple Bear 27.05.2014.
Saturday, May 24, 2014
This pain, this pain which wouldn't go away
This pain, this pain which wouldn't go away.
Met an old lady in the shopping mall just now. I was on my way to the MRT station when I saw her; she was walking really slowly in the midst of crowds of people. I had this sudden feeling of pain and suffering which ran through me when I saw her back view. My instincts tells me that she needs help. But I was skeptical, was I just being overly sensitive? So I observed her for a while to assess whether am I in a position to help. She approach a lady who was a staff at the supermarket and the lady directed her to a food outlet. The poor lady slowly walk towards the fast food outlet.
I went up to her and asked whether she needs any help. She told me that she is looking for food and the expression on her face makes me think that she must be starving for a while so I gave her some money and brought her lunch at the nearest food court because of her mobility difficulties. She was embarrassed at taking my money and also having me buy her lunch and she kept wanting to return me my money but I think she will benefit more from the money so I kept saying to her that I am treating her coffee and it is ok to take the money from me. She kept thanking me and with every word, I felt my heart sunk in deeper, tears were threatening to gush out. As I looked at her, I felt as if I could feel her pain, the suffering that she went through. It was unbearable and I had to leave.
Before I left, I asked a young lady to keep an eye on her during her meal just in case she has any difficulties.
Now in the train on the way to my next appointment, there are lots of thoughts in my mind, the image of her walking so slowly, so painfully through the crowd and no one stop to ask whether she is ok pains me. What if she was our family? Can you imagine that? Where was her family?
Sometimes, it takes courage to do what it is right, to do what seems to be out of the norm but what I learnt today is really to follow my heart, let it guide me and empowers me with confidence and courage.
I hope that she will have the conditions to be happy in the future and there will be people who will be around to help her if she needs help.
If there is any merit from doing this deed, let it be shared to her and to all who are suffering. May all be well and happy. May all find the strength to face difficulties in life; may all find the courage to be kind and compassionate; may all find the heart to love.
I am grateful to the old lady. Thank you for teaching me, thank you for reminding me of the possibility of going beyond myself.
I am feeling the pain right now but at the same time, I am feeling love
Have a loving weekend everyone.
With love
Simple Bear 24.05.2014.
Met an old lady in the shopping mall just now. I was on my way to the MRT station when I saw her; she was walking really slowly in the midst of crowds of people. I had this sudden feeling of pain and suffering which ran through me when I saw her back view. My instincts tells me that she needs help. But I was skeptical, was I just being overly sensitive? So I observed her for a while to assess whether am I in a position to help. She approach a lady who was a staff at the supermarket and the lady directed her to a food outlet. The poor lady slowly walk towards the fast food outlet.
I went up to her and asked whether she needs any help. She told me that she is looking for food and the expression on her face makes me think that she must be starving for a while so I gave her some money and brought her lunch at the nearest food court because of her mobility difficulties. She was embarrassed at taking my money and also having me buy her lunch and she kept wanting to return me my money but I think she will benefit more from the money so I kept saying to her that I am treating her coffee and it is ok to take the money from me. She kept thanking me and with every word, I felt my heart sunk in deeper, tears were threatening to gush out. As I looked at her, I felt as if I could feel her pain, the suffering that she went through. It was unbearable and I had to leave.
Before I left, I asked a young lady to keep an eye on her during her meal just in case she has any difficulties.
Now in the train on the way to my next appointment, there are lots of thoughts in my mind, the image of her walking so slowly, so painfully through the crowd and no one stop to ask whether she is ok pains me. What if she was our family? Can you imagine that? Where was her family?
Sometimes, it takes courage to do what it is right, to do what seems to be out of the norm but what I learnt today is really to follow my heart, let it guide me and empowers me with confidence and courage.
I hope that she will have the conditions to be happy in the future and there will be people who will be around to help her if she needs help.
If there is any merit from doing this deed, let it be shared to her and to all who are suffering. May all be well and happy. May all find the strength to face difficulties in life; may all find the courage to be kind and compassionate; may all find the heart to love.
I am grateful to the old lady. Thank you for teaching me, thank you for reminding me of the possibility of going beyond myself.
I am feeling the pain right now but at the same time, I am feeling love
Have a loving weekend everyone.
With love
Simple Bear 24.05.2014.
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