Perhaps, we are here to love
Spent the morning visiting a few elderly. Had a great chat with them on a beautiful Sunday morning.
They taught me a precious lesson on love today.
The first was an elderly couple, the uncle was in his 90s and the
auntie was in her late 80s. The uncle has visual and mobility
difficulties, and when the uncle was chatting with us, the auntie who
has auditory difficulties, was there smiling.
Both of them were
really positive when they talked about how because of uncle's mobility
difficulties, they are unable to go far, and they were smiling when they
talked about being each others' support, and how they are satisfied
with their lives in the company of their loved ones.
The second
was an elder in his 90s. The elder had mobility difficulties but was
jovial and kind. He told me his life story, and the part which struck me
was when he spoke about his wife, his eyes sparkled with love. He told
me how his wife insisted on marrying him during the 1950s despite him
telling her that he was engaged through a marriage proposal made by his
parents in Taiwan. He choose to marry his wife and decided to call off
his proposed marriage in Taiwan despite the possibility of incurring the
displeasure of his parents.
He laughed when he mentioned that his wife loved him a lot.
I was touched.
Sometimes, life is really simple. Perhaps, the objective of life is
to love; the only difference lies in the person of our affection.
It may be ourselves, our families, loved ones, or the world.
I am grateful for the opportunity to witness and listen to the elders
share on their love. Sometimes, it is unspoken, seen through the actions
which speaks the language of love. May they continue to love and be
loved.
Maybe, just maybe we are all here to love.
May all be well and happy.
With loving-kindness
Simple Bear 20.03.2016.
Sunday, March 20, 2016
Friday, March 18, 2016
一碗粥，一滴眼泪
一碗粥，一滴眼泪
其实我真的不想吃这一碗鱼圓粥。它提醒着我这是近三十几天以来，我第三次入院。今早，头晕，差点昏过去的我决定放弃与同事们参加今天部门欢聚活动，独自一人来到了医院。
独自躺在观察病房的时候，我听见了其他病人痛苦的声音，有些哭述着身体的痛处，有些哭述着心灵的痛苦。听着，听着，一滴眼泪不禁流了下来。
其实我真的不想吃这一碗鱼圓粥。它提醒着我这是近三十几天以来，我第三次入院。今早，头晕，差点昏过去的我决定放弃与同事们参加今天部门欢聚活动，独自一人来到了医院。
独自躺在观察病房的时候，我听见了其他病人痛苦的声音，有些哭述着身体的痛处，有些哭述着心灵的痛苦。听着，听着，一滴眼泪不禁流了下来。
自己的痛楚不算什么。
口中念着佛号，希望大家能够远离痛苦，得欢喜快乐。
一片宁静充满了心，感觉痛苦渐渐的远离心了。
这时，一位阿姨用着很慈祥的双眼看着我，对我说，"今天的午餐是鱼圓片粥，你想吃吗?"
我微笑的点点头。
看着这一碗粥，心里想着原来痛苦中，生起同理心，感恩心，痛苦就会少点。
心中痛苦少了，幸福就有空间住进心里了。
P.S.感谢各位的关爱。我已经出院了，现在在家里休息了。感恩。
口中念着佛号，希望大家能够远离痛苦，得欢喜快乐。
一片宁静充满了心，感觉痛苦渐渐的远离心了。
这时，一位阿姨用着很慈祥的双眼看着我，对我说，"今天的午餐是鱼圓片粥，你想吃吗?"
我微笑的点点头。
看着这一碗粥，心里想着原来痛苦中，生起同理心，感恩心，痛苦就会少点。
心中痛苦少了，幸福就有空间住进心里了。
P.S.感谢各位的关爱。我已经出院了，现在在家里休息了。感恩。
Wednesday, March 16, 2016
Tuesday, March 15, 2016
The World
The World
Friend: "Sometimes I think you are too idealistic for the world."
Bear: *laughs* "Yes. Perhaps. That is why I live in my world."
Friend: o_O ?
Simple Bear 15.03.2016.
Friend: "Sometimes I think you are too idealistic for the world."
Bear: *laughs* "Yes. Perhaps. That is why I live in my world."
Friend: o_O ?
Simple Bear 15.03.2016.
Monday, March 14, 2016
Impact of Stressful Event on a Bear (Case Study)
Impact of Stressful Event on a Bear (Case Study)
Disclaimer: the following post is a narration of an experiential experiment by an eccentric bear, and does not apply to humans; please do see a mental health professional if you are experiencing mental health issues.
The car accident offered me not only an opportunity to evaluate the priorities in my life but also an opportunity to study myself on the psychological aftereffect of a stressful event.
In case, you are wondering (especially for those of you who studied Psychology), I did monitor myself for symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) for the past few weeks.
The first few days were emotionally tiring, I experienced the arising of anxiety and fear whenever I am on public transportation e.g. buses or taxis. I clutched tightly to the handles on the buses, especially when the ride was bumpy. I asked taxi uncles to start driving only when I put on my seat belts and drive slow on public roads even if the roads are empty. I was hypervigilant when I am on the road. I experienced anxiety arising when I read news of accidents.
I avoided the site of the accident as much as I can. In the event, I have to go past the road, anxiety
arises accompanied by similar emotional memory.
I managed by meditating, I focus my attention on the physiological signs of the anxiety e.g. increasing heart beats as it arises and falls, slowly spreading tension throughout the body and then slowly ebbed away.
It was overwhelming at first but slowly, I began to get the hang of it. Watching the physiological signs every time it arises and falls, and over time, watching also the accompanying thoughts e.g. fear of the repeat of the accident as it arises and falls with the rhythm of the heart.
I monitored my motivation in my favorite activities, my productivity and concentration at work, my social interactions for signs of declining interest, dysfunctionality. There wasn't any salient changes.
I monitored my dreams for flashbacks. There wasn't any.
The hypervigilance and avoidance continued for the next few weeks but it slowly gotten lesser and lesser in frequency and intensity.
After the first few days, when I slowly got myself being increasingly aware of the arising of anxiety and fear, I began to systematically gain control of my body by putting it in a more relaxed state and also reinterpreting the event memory by imbuing the memory with feelings of gratitude for everyone being fine, for having a second chance to practice being a human.
Slowly after, the anxiety and fear decreases in their frequency and intensity and every time, after filling my thoughts associated with the event memory with gratitude, I started filling the following thoughts with loving-kindness, wishing for all to be well and happy.
This is the fourth week. I am feeling much better now, having been able to reach a state in which I can write about the experience. My body doesn't react as intensely as it did during the initial period after the accident.
This too shall pass.
May all be well and happy.
With Loving-Kindness
Simple Bear 14.03.2016.
Disclaimer: the following post is a narration of an experiential experiment by an eccentric bear, and does not apply to humans; please do see a mental health professional if you are experiencing mental health issues.
The car accident offered me not only an opportunity to evaluate the priorities in my life but also an opportunity to study myself on the psychological aftereffect of a stressful event.
In case, you are wondering (especially for those of you who studied Psychology), I did monitor myself for symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) for the past few weeks.
The first few days were emotionally tiring, I experienced the arising of anxiety and fear whenever I am on public transportation e.g. buses or taxis. I clutched tightly to the handles on the buses, especially when the ride was bumpy. I asked taxi uncles to start driving only when I put on my seat belts and drive slow on public roads even if the roads are empty. I was hypervigilant when I am on the road. I experienced anxiety arising when I read news of accidents.
I avoided the site of the accident as much as I can. In the event, I have to go past the road, anxiety
arises accompanied by similar emotional memory.
I managed by meditating, I focus my attention on the physiological signs of the anxiety e.g. increasing heart beats as it arises and falls, slowly spreading tension throughout the body and then slowly ebbed away.
It was overwhelming at first but slowly, I began to get the hang of it. Watching the physiological signs every time it arises and falls, and over time, watching also the accompanying thoughts e.g. fear of the repeat of the accident as it arises and falls with the rhythm of the heart.
I monitored my motivation in my favorite activities, my productivity and concentration at work, my social interactions for signs of declining interest, dysfunctionality. There wasn't any salient changes.
I monitored my dreams for flashbacks. There wasn't any.
The hypervigilance and avoidance continued for the next few weeks but it slowly gotten lesser and lesser in frequency and intensity.
After the first few days, when I slowly got myself being increasingly aware of the arising of anxiety and fear, I began to systematically gain control of my body by putting it in a more relaxed state and also reinterpreting the event memory by imbuing the memory with feelings of gratitude for everyone being fine, for having a second chance to practice being a human.
Slowly after, the anxiety and fear decreases in their frequency and intensity and every time, after filling my thoughts associated with the event memory with gratitude, I started filling the following thoughts with loving-kindness, wishing for all to be well and happy.
This is the fourth week. I am feeling much better now, having been able to reach a state in which I can write about the experience. My body doesn't react as intensely as it did during the initial period after the accident.
This too shall pass.
May all be well and happy.
With Loving-Kindness
Simple Bear 14.03.2016.
Friday, March 4, 2016
Value
Value
A friend of mine, who was dealing with a quarter-life existential crisis, asked me, "what is the value of our existence?"
[Disclaimer: The below is only based on the very limited existential experiences of a bear; may not apply to humans]
My answer.
"The value of our existence lies, not in how much we are loved, but in how much we love."
Simple Bear 04.03.2016.
A lot of us determine our self worth in terms of how much we perceive to be loved by others, allowing our value to be determined by external conditions, including the responses of others to us, which we do not have control over.
We determine our value by perceiving how much our family loves us, our partners loves us, our friends love us, our companies and organizations loves us, our society looks and loves us.
We effectively handed the valuation of our self worth to others, and subjected ourselves to the pain which arises from the discrepancies between the responses of others and our expectations. The endless search for validation by others, in which we do not have control over, most of the times, results in pain and disappointments.
Not everyone have the conditions to be loved the way they want to be loved but everyone have the basic condition, the capacity to love.
There are numerous stories of nobodies who sacrificed themselves for the love of others, strangers on the street whom they have no relations to. They are hailed as heroes but before that, to most of the people who know them, they may be just zero.
I am not advocating that we all should grab hold of any opportunities to be heroes or saints; not all of us can and have the conditions to do so. However, we all should aspire to be extend our love (not the passionate, without-you-I-will-die kind of love) to as far as we can. This love is one, of empathy and compassion, of equanimity.
I understand not everyone is willing to adopt and cultivate this notion of love but I just want to emphasize that everyone have the capacity to do so.
We can start off by loving our families, our friends, the less fortunate in our societies. Not everyone can have the conditions to do things which brings happiness to everyone but we all have the capacity to bring happiness to those we love to the best of our abilities. If we have done our best to love, then regardless of the responses of others, we are worthy of the value of being here in this very present moment, as an individual, as a human, as a living being.
We are the only one who is capable of determining our value. This love requires us to first love ourselves, for the love of others and then, forget the love of ourselves.
We need to learn first, to love ourselves.
May all have the conditions to cultivate the love for others.
May all be well and happy
With loving-kindness
Simple Bear 05.03.2016.
A friend of mine, who was dealing with a quarter-life existential crisis, asked me, "what is the value of our existence?"
[Disclaimer: The below is only based on the very limited existential experiences of a bear; may not apply to humans]
My answer.
"The value of our existence lies, not in how much we are loved, but in how much we love."
Simple Bear 04.03.2016.
A lot of us determine our self worth in terms of how much we perceive to be loved by others, allowing our value to be determined by external conditions, including the responses of others to us, which we do not have control over.
We determine our value by perceiving how much our family loves us, our partners loves us, our friends love us, our companies and organizations loves us, our society looks and loves us.
We effectively handed the valuation of our self worth to others, and subjected ourselves to the pain which arises from the discrepancies between the responses of others and our expectations. The endless search for validation by others, in which we do not have control over, most of the times, results in pain and disappointments.
Not everyone have the conditions to be loved the way they want to be loved but everyone have the basic condition, the capacity to love.
There are numerous stories of nobodies who sacrificed themselves for the love of others, strangers on the street whom they have no relations to. They are hailed as heroes but before that, to most of the people who know them, they may be just zero.
I am not advocating that we all should grab hold of any opportunities to be heroes or saints; not all of us can and have the conditions to do so. However, we all should aspire to be extend our love (not the passionate, without-you-I-will-die kind of love) to as far as we can. This love is one, of empathy and compassion, of equanimity.
I understand not everyone is willing to adopt and cultivate this notion of love but I just want to emphasize that everyone have the capacity to do so.
We can start off by loving our families, our friends, the less fortunate in our societies. Not everyone can have the conditions to do things which brings happiness to everyone but we all have the capacity to bring happiness to those we love to the best of our abilities. If we have done our best to love, then regardless of the responses of others, we are worthy of the value of being here in this very present moment, as an individual, as a human, as a living being.
We are the only one who is capable of determining our value. This love requires us to first love ourselves, for the love of others and then, forget the love of ourselves.
We need to learn first, to love ourselves.
May all have the conditions to cultivate the love for others.
May all be well and happy
With loving-kindness
Simple Bear 05.03.2016.
Thursday, March 3, 2016
Fighting off the Bandit
Fighting off the Bandit
The Bandit
He comes alone in the ignorance of the night
Catches you unaware
And overpower you in a second
He robs you of your joy
And cast you to your mind
Silently he flee as swiftly as he came
Only his shadow of bitterness remains
In the ignorance of the night
Simple Bear 03.03.2016.
I went to the bakery to grab some bread for snacks this afternoon after my appointment at the hospital. As I was walking through the neighborhood, I saw a physically challenged man on a wheelchair, selling tissue papers. There wasn't a lot of people around. It was a weekday late afternoon. And those who walked past him, ignored his presence. He looked listless and fatigued.
I greeted him, took out 2 dollars and put it in his hands. I gave him a pat on the shoulders and told him to grab himself a nice cup of coffee if he needs one. He looked up at me and forced a weak smile.
I left.
When I reached the bakery, this thought came to my mind, maybe the guy is hungry and perhaps, he hadn't had much to eat. I am fortunate to be able to buy my own meal.
I decided to buy an additional two bread with chicken luncheon meat. I went back to him with the bread. I asked whether he is alright with chicken bread. He smiled and said yes, I could see his eyes sparkled at the sight of the food. He must be starving.
Before he started eating, he looked at me again and asked whether I can spare him another two dollars.
'Is he trying to take advantage of me?'
The thought ran through my mind like the flash. I caught hold of myself having the thought and laughed. This must be the habitual tendency that I have in response to such situations. This is my ego, the Mara who is tempting me.
This thought born out of ego is like the bandit. If I allow it to catch me unaware, he overpowers me and robs me of my momentary happiness of sharing. What will be left of this 'robbery' will be one of bitterness and suffering.
I could not allow it to do so.
Self-awareness is my shield against the attacks of the bandit. Thoughts born out of altruism are like my bodyguards. They fight off the bandit, forcing them to disappear in the dimension of flux.
These thought arose in me. Maybe he need the money to feed his family. Maybe today was a difficult day for him. Maybe he needs the money to pay for his medical conditions.
As soon as these thoughts arose, the thought of the possibility of him taking advantage of me was gone.
I laughed at myself again. What am I finding the reasons to manage my cognitive dissonance? If my intention is to help, there is no need for other reasons.
I gave him the two dollars that he asked for, thanked him for the opportunity and left with feelings of empathy and gratitude.
In retrospection, he is like a teacher who taught me this precious lesson. No matter what his reason was, or whether or not he was taking advantage of me. I wish him well and happy.
May all be well and happy
Simple Bear 03.03.2016.
The Bandit
He comes alone in the ignorance of the night
Catches you unaware
And overpower you in a second
He robs you of your joy
And cast you to your mind
Silently he flee as swiftly as he came
Only his shadow of bitterness remains
In the ignorance of the night
Simple Bear 03.03.2016.
I went to the bakery to grab some bread for snacks this afternoon after my appointment at the hospital. As I was walking through the neighborhood, I saw a physically challenged man on a wheelchair, selling tissue papers. There wasn't a lot of people around. It was a weekday late afternoon. And those who walked past him, ignored his presence. He looked listless and fatigued.
I greeted him, took out 2 dollars and put it in his hands. I gave him a pat on the shoulders and told him to grab himself a nice cup of coffee if he needs one. He looked up at me and forced a weak smile.
I left.
When I reached the bakery, this thought came to my mind, maybe the guy is hungry and perhaps, he hadn't had much to eat. I am fortunate to be able to buy my own meal.
I decided to buy an additional two bread with chicken luncheon meat. I went back to him with the bread. I asked whether he is alright with chicken bread. He smiled and said yes, I could see his eyes sparkled at the sight of the food. He must be starving.
Before he started eating, he looked at me again and asked whether I can spare him another two dollars.
'Is he trying to take advantage of me?'
The thought ran through my mind like the flash. I caught hold of myself having the thought and laughed. This must be the habitual tendency that I have in response to such situations. This is my ego, the Mara who is tempting me.
This thought born out of ego is like the bandit. If I allow it to catch me unaware, he overpowers me and robs me of my momentary happiness of sharing. What will be left of this 'robbery' will be one of bitterness and suffering.
I could not allow it to do so.
Self-awareness is my shield against the attacks of the bandit. Thoughts born out of altruism are like my bodyguards. They fight off the bandit, forcing them to disappear in the dimension of flux.
These thought arose in me. Maybe he need the money to feed his family. Maybe today was a difficult day for him. Maybe he needs the money to pay for his medical conditions.
As soon as these thoughts arose, the thought of the possibility of him taking advantage of me was gone.
I laughed at myself again. What am I finding the reasons to manage my cognitive dissonance? If my intention is to help, there is no need for other reasons.
I gave him the two dollars that he asked for, thanked him for the opportunity and left with feelings of empathy and gratitude.
In retrospection, he is like a teacher who taught me this precious lesson. No matter what his reason was, or whether or not he was taking advantage of me. I wish him well and happy.
May all be well and happy
Simple Bear 03.03.2016.
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